WH is making contact with the OW again and at the moment doesn't intend to stop. He is still home with me and is talking to her and seeing her while at work. I believe he is trying to test the waters to see if she really will have him before he will actually leave. This will be his second time leaving, the first time he stayed with his parents for 3 1/2 months, but I don't think he'll try to go back there as they are not supportive of him at all and I don't know that they would allow him back right now. They allowed him to stay the first time, b/c they had hopes of us reconciling.

Since he's been back home (about 5 weeks) I have been focused on Plan A, but now that he is making contact again, I guess I don't have much choice, but to go to Plan B.

What are the thoughts about me contacting the OW?

I don't see how contacting the OW would do any good.

I echo the posters from your other thread - wait until after the surgery and go to Plan B.

Cat

She is a direct threat to your marriage. She has enuf lack of morals to become involved with a married man. Nothing she says or does can be trusted in light of those two facts.

It's easier to iron your own hands than to contact the OP(sorry for the visual, am re-reading the Harry Potter books right now in preparation for next release).

Trust me....nothing good will come out of you contacting the OW. She will only say things to cause you more pain. I know this because that's exactly what happened to me. I can honestly say the only good thing that came out of me talking to the OW was that I realized at that moment that I no longer wanted to be with my STBX. I decided that if this is the kind of person he wants to be with then he's not the man I want anymore.
Take care of yourself. That's all you can do!!!

Here is the link to my original post. I think it would have been easier to keep everything in one thread for now, but I am new and still learning how this works ...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=1#2747556


I guess my desire to contact the OW is because of my WH's state of confusion. Earlier this week, he told me he loves me and wants his feelings for her to go away so we can continue our life together and the next day he says he is in-love with her and he doesn't think he can live without her. At one point a couple of weeks ago, he said he wishes that he could erase the last year of his life from his memory.

He is constantly questioning everything including God for putting him in this situation.

I just wonder how stable she is and how much her advice, that he takes so seriously, is contributing to his state of mind. He just thinks she is so sincere and unselfish and cares about his happiness before hers. He even said last night, "I'm not stupid" and that he would know if she was trying to manipulate him.

I had that same question earlier this week!! I have decided that it is not worth it to make contact. She could drain you of all of your energy and maybe even cause you to backtrack some with Plan A. Put all of your energy and focus on Plan A with WH. I am strugging this week with getting exposure done, but believe me Plan A does have an effect(baby-steps!!!).

Just my thoughts. My H today told our counselor how amazing I have been & that I have been doing so much. He sees how one-sided this has been, so maybe(BIG HOPE HERE) he will begin putting in more effort.

Kim
D-Day May 14th
Married 13 years
DS, age 5
Still contact....
Working on Exposure

He even said last night, "I'm not stupid" and that he would know if she was trying to manipulate him.

Bwwwwaaaaaaahhhhhaaaaa

"Im not stupid"

Lets see, he, a married man gets involved with another woman who wants him to leave his wife, and he "knows if she would try to manipulate him."

I know this is serious, but he made me laugh so hard.

"Im not stupid" Ha, Ha, Ha, how much stupider can a person get.

Please forgive me, I mean no disrespect. I just had to comment.

I just hope it's a temporary stupidity.

SS