OK, you all know most of the story...

Well we have a house. WH moved out 6 months ago, kids and I just out a few weeks. It is a mess, lots of trash and other things (I am sure since he left the dogs there for about a week after) and needs to be emptied further to sell... I did not take his furniture and leftover things like lots of odds and ends.

He has a realtor in there Saturday, says we can get blah blah blah if we clean it some and offer a redecoration bonus. So WH says "WE" need to get in there and clean it out to list it... told him I work 5 days a week and 40+ hours a week and *I* cannot do much to help. He said he would get in there this week and do some stuff... around the same time he changed our agreement that I would get 75% of the proceeds of the sale since *I* made all the house payments.

Keep in mind *I* packed and cleaned and did all that mess. He did not help us move, he did NOTHING! My family came up to help me move and helped haul out all the big stuff and most little stuff... he was nowhere to be found then!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Also keep in mind that up until May he was there everyday with us, usually not sleeping there.He cooked there, laundry was done ther and he bathed there. AND NO, he almost NEVER cleaned, EVER! Not even being courteous enough to pick up behind himself. (never has, had this fight for years! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

Now he is wanting 50% of the proceeds and I feel he should have to do Something!!

He TMs me that *I* need to come help him and that my family trashed the house?! NO WAY! They helped me tremendously and the houe was already a mess with three kids, three dogs and three cats all living under the same roof!

Now he says he'll "let it rot"! What do I do here?!

After all of this I am tired of being the one cleaning up behind him and I am ready to move on!!

TNT,

What happens once it is clean and sold?

YOU get your money.

So, why are you making this a battle? Don't be in a power struggle with him...which is in effect what it all boils down to.

Do you want your money? Do you want this ball to get rolling? Do you want this done and over with?

Then just DO IT. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

JMHO
committed

I agree, don't make it a power struggle. Why don't you bill him for the time you spend doing all the cleaning while he sits on his thumbs? Don't good cleaners get about $15/hour. If your family is going to help you, they deserve a few bucks.

Call Goodwill or the Veterans or ARC for a charity pickup. Stack all of his decent crap on the curb. Have them haul it away. Do a good deed for somebody and get the tax credit too.

Hire a dumpster and throw everything else into it. I assume you've taken anything that has value to you out of it. It's much easier when you can be remorseless. Get a big shovel and throw it in.

For the same hourly rate, have your family clean it, paint it, shampoo the carpets and repair things. Your house will look clean and fresh. It will show well.

Hire yourselves as gardeners to get the outside in order. As we near midsummer, many places have a lot of plants on sale. Plant stuff that makes the house look good. Put everything you buy on his bill. Paint the front door. Go for curb appeal.

I know that you are boiling with resentment. I've done almost all the packing, cleaning and decoratoring for every move out family has ever done. It has always pizzed me off. Think of it this way, the better your house looks, the more money you're going to get from it and faster. And the faster you'll get rid of WH.

Hi TNT,

At this point, I'd do just about anything to get him out of my life. Do it yourself, pay for someone else, get kids or family to help, anything.. but get it overwith!!!

This is just one more injustice... how many have there been? I bet it's not even close to the worst thing he's done. I'm actually surprised that you are surprised... seems right on course for this guy...

I'm sorry. It sucks. I'm sure I'd come up with some nasty revenge for him later, served cold and all...(but that's just me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />). Take care - Dru

Thx guys...and I *know* you are right, it is just ONE MORE THING! <sigh> Ya know?

I know I will get over there and help him out... but geez loise! It does irritate the he&& outta me... and so sad that I had expected this anyway! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

How can I Plan B and clean? Guess I can be there when he is NOT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Reward yourself with something good afterwards.

OMG what an a&&!!!

He called my work phone and was raising he&&!!!

Says he is gonna drag out all my stuff to the dump and is also saying that him having As has nothing to do with any of this!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Uh, yeah, OK!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Then he TMs me (after saying "I had some As, get over it!" and hanging up the phone) saying "if you want some help w/ the car ask your Mom, cause it is not coming out of my half!"

WTF??!!

The car: see, he has a 2002 Jeep in both our names... he wants to keep it...his Mom took back the 2005 Toyota I was driving when I fell behind and NOW she is gonna keep it... so I have a 1994 volvo that has a broken taillight, headlight, turn signal, a DS window that won't roll down and electrical system issues. It is his name, my name and FILs name.

The original D draft states that the volvo will be paid in full and then he and his Dad would sign it over to me... THEN the proceeds will be split in half... he syas NO. Well I say fine, let me get $1500 to get it up to par and then split...

Now he won't if I don't come clean the house?!

Now do you see what I am dealing with!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />!!

turn ALL of this stuff over to YOUR lawyer....

let her and him duke out this crap............

ofcourse you are NOT going to clean up anything together...
and his threat of the dump..

is there anything you want...if so go get it today then be done with the rest...........

ARK

I agree, and I am not as worried about him getting there tonight cause he has son now... I am off tomorrow and going over there...

His last words to me tonight when he picked up DS... "I don't want to fight w/ you"!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

He also said "I feel like the world is on my shoulders and I am really stressed" then he apologized for earlier! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I said "of course you feel like that you have left your W, your best friend and walked away from the best thing that ever happened to you"! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Think he even heard me??!! Nahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Tell him to go get his A friends to help him pay his share of the bills so you can have a car and a clean house. Better yet, just tell him to get his A friends to hire someone to help you clean the house because him doing it would only bring in more trash. LOL!!!!! Sorry for sounding sarcastic but there really isn't a good way to respond to babble. You could say that you don't understand his babble and for him to let you know when he can speak without contradicing and babbling. That will send him through the roof. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Right now no matter what you say or do will make him angry. The less you interact the better. I remember just nodding when the WS babbled and then proceeded to do what I knew I needed to do regardless of what he babbled about. Of course when he said something that actually made sense, I acknowledged it and worked with him. Then when he babbled, I would tell him that the last time he said something constructive I was able to work along with it but now that he is babbling, it is too confusing so please go away and come back when you can have a reasonable conversation. It worked....for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Thanks L... I gotta dust off my "reverse-bable" dialect! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He was more passive today, saw him briefly to collect child support... he seems normal but I know that alien dude is lurking in there somewhere! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I just want my life back... or some form of my life where I do not feel like every step is a struggle!! Grr!

Please, tell me that is coming some day soon??!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I know u want your life back. You need to have it back. Will that day come? Yes. Soon? Debateable. But you can make it happen if you really want to. It could involve taking steps to cut off the WS from doing further harm to your life.

Think about it..... as long as your H continues t/b a WS, do you really want him around as such? If he refuses to change back to your H or even a better H, do you really want him as is?

Think long and hard on those questions. They were turning points for me and made plan B a much viable solution.

take care,
L.

You are right L, and yet again I propped the door open just a hair and he sneaks back in!

It is VERY hard to maintain Plan B with no mediator and 3 kids, a house to sell and a separation agreement to haggle! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I have a day or two that I am really aggravated then I look back and realize it is because I allowed him to push the boundaries... why do I do that?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <<< at myself!

He has already shown that he has no intention of making amends and still sounds quite foggy, and yet when I think I see a glimpse of my H and I let him back in...???!!! GRRR! I am so bad at this and I am mad at myself for it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I have slipped, some, with the contact with WH... I am not clear why except that I keep thinking I see a glimmer of hope and I want that sooooooooo bad...

WH did not call the kids last night... I called (yes, I know) and his phone rang so I know he was not at the trailer where he said he'd be... today he TMd about what time he'd be over for the kids (I am going out with BF for a girl chat) and I wrote back something about his late night.... he wrote back "y u wanna know so much?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, I know that is my answer! Wherever he was he was up to no good (as usual)... I guess the week and a half mark being away from OW was too much for him and he went to get his fix!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Now which way do I go? How do I let go? How do I get firmer in sticking to my guns without feeling like a real bi^&h?

U will learn to let go, when you are mentally and emotionally ready. Don't rush it. As for his tx msg "y u wanna know so much?", respond something like:

"I don't need to know, it is written all over the place and it's stinky too." LOL!!! Something like that. Reverse babble that sends them spinning. Leave the WS wondering. Better they spend time trying to figure out what you mean or are up to. LOL!!! U know you are the A's #1 topic of convo ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

Actaully it was along the lines of "I already know but thought I would you give you a chance to be honest!"

OH well! Went out with my best friend last night and WH stayed with the younger two for a couple hours, like my babysitter! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I got home, he walked out, I said thanks and nothing more... that is progress, right?

And before anyone flogs me for him being here, he does not have a suitable place to be with all the kids... and the girls are to be nowhere near his sexual predator father! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />