It has been a few weeks since i have been to MB's. I recently made my post's at JUST FOUND OUT but am not getting the hits I need. My H had an affair and when I asked him about it he said it was just being friends. i being the curious person I am found out otherwise. He finally cofessed to the affair and has been here for our marriage , in a since, and has had no contact with her. My reason for being here today is I can not get feelings, images, ect. out of my head. During the day I am fine, mostly because I am busy. But at night, wha a different story. I lay awake and everything runs through my mind. Is he truly remorseful, had any feelings for her, still have feelings for her. We have been great but there are times I look at him and think to myself WHY? I know his reasoning for why but it is not good enough for me to accept the affair. he was not the only one miserable in this marriage, I was too, but I could never have an affair. I just don't get it. I feel like an idiot not understanding. i believe our marriage is heading to this wonderful to come but that horrible feeling I have outweighs the good sometimes. there are days I look at him and think we will make it through this but then there are days I look at him and think to myself god I hate you for the feelings you have made me feel. My husband is one of those people that does not believe in the past, just to move forward. i would love to forget all this but I can't. I am afraid of making him upset with me if I continue to seek answers. i have told him that it is so important for him to show the affection he use to give me more so than ever. He said that I never gave him enough affection so everyday I tell him how much I love him, walk up to him and give a hug and kiss just because, take time out of the day so that it is just us. i have made the attempt to give him what he was not getting. Sex was a huge issue for us. After a day with chores, kids, ect... sex was just like another think i HAD to do. but now I have put us on a schedule so that I have time to wind down and feel that it is a chore or a must do. I in my mind feel that he does not give as much affection to me as he use to. I have tols him how important it is to me that he do these things but i don't think he realizes it. can anyone in here help me make him understand what I am going through and that I am not being pushy for the things I need right now? [color:"red"] [/color]

This is pure crap!

Are you really this weak? If you are ... your marriage is not a partnership, but a prison of your own making.

Does your husband CARE if YOU are miserable? Does your husband sleep well at night KNOWING you are miserable and hurt?

Is there something else going on here? Alcoholism? Drug use? Physical or verbal abuse? What?

This smells like something more complicated ... what is the unspoken truth here?

Pep

As far as him having an affair and you not - I can understand completely where you are coming from.

Unfortunately different people deal with their problems in different ways - we all cope differently. His emotional needs, as well, probably differ from yours - in his mind, maybe an affair is what he needed to fulfill his ENs. In my case; my wife needed other men to fulfill her ENs when I wasn't giving them to her - when she wasn't fulfilling mine; I had my computer to turn to.

Unfortunately, some people have different 'escapes' that fulfill their needs - and in some people's cases - that escape is another man or woman.

Stay strong, I know its hard and I know life is full of so many uncertainties, but you will pull through this - I didn't think I could pull through what I am in the middle of, and there are still days that i don't think I can, however, knowing that there is something better for me on the other side of this wall; whether it is with my wife or not, gets me through the day.

Praying helps me too.

God bless, and good luck - You'll be in my prayers. If you need anyone to talk to about this, feel free to PM me.

I could have written your post exactly. DDay was 6/26 and I'm feeling alot like you. I need to talk to H and ask questions, but I don't want to stir the pot. I printed out a post here about the need for answers and I had H read it. He understood and said he felt like they said. H wants it to go away and I need all the pieces to the puzzle. I don't know how to paste here yet, but it was posted under "identity of the other woman" by Dawnn on 6/30. If you can't find it I'll try to learn to paste.

I feel the same way at night and first thing in the morning.Then I try to make it through the day. I wanted you to know there was someone out here going through it right now like you. I don't know how we're going to make it through. I also need the answers and the toughest ones are coming. Snowbelle posted to me that maybe there could be a set time to talk about it, when the kids are in bed. She said try to balance it. H must know your pain but you don't want it to be the only thing that you always talk about.

I just told him yesterday that I needed to ask more questions. He said he hated it but said he would. We didn't get a chance last night , maybe tonight.

Keep showing him your affection. I find the only place I feel half way decent is in his arms and I don't understand it. When we're apart all those bad feelings stir. But I can actually smile if he's with me. Is that how you feel?

Thanks for your post. just to clear the air on the first post before I begin: there is no verbal, physical, emotional (besides the affair) alcohol, or drug problem in my marriage. I have been with my husband for almost 8 years married for 4. What I am "affraid " of is pushing him away. I need reassurance from other's going through this same thing to be supportive and give me advice on how to deal with this in a mature even keyed matter. So on that note I will continue <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I tried finding the post identity of the other woman but could not find it. If you could give me a little more info. on that, that would be great, THANKS!!

It's in the Recovery Section. Right now it's on the first page. Look for Dawnn's reply on 6/30. Sorry about not being able to link. I will learn.

Thank you and I did find it. Actually I had that letter printed out already. My hopes are to give it to my husband so that he somewhat can understand the pain, disappointment,void and every other emotioal feling I have on a day to day basis. earlier today I decided that I was going to take a stand in a non formal way. Every question that has been running through my mind the past couple days, I wrote them down. As of right now, there are 20. I will give myself a couple days to see if there are any more that come to mind. With this letter I will attach a letter from me telling him my feelings on a day to day basis (they change so often during the day, I really hate it, a copy of Joseph's letter, things I have found that he tried to hide from me and last but not least the daily diary I have been keeping since I knew something just was not going right with us. Keeping that daily diary I want him to realize the rollercoaster ride I was on for over a month before it all came out and the one I am still on. I hope someday this rollercoaster will be of fun things together and not one of my nightmare!!

I am sooooooooo happy you cleared that up!

It sounded like you might be afraid of your husband ... but not the case. GOOD!

Sounds like you are actually doing a good job so far. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pep

Hello everyone! Just wanted to come in here and type out what happened when I gave my husband my questions and ect... He answered every question I had written down and I did tell him in my letter that there may be more to follow. I thought having the questions answered would help me, they did but it then brings up a whole new set. I took it easy with the first set of questions but like I said it brings up more. I have made a new set of them and these are the hardest of all. I hate having all these come up but I told him in order for me and us to move forward I need closure and he is the only one who can fil in the missing pieces. I have asked him in this next set of questions to sit and talk to me about this. I need for him to look me in the eyes and answer so I can tell how sincere he is about this. I feel that it is too hard for him to do. not sure if it is out of embaressment or what. things have been going great for us but I can't moved forward as a whole if I still feel so much hate not knowing what I need to. Is this wrong to keep asking, am I going about this the right way? Til next time, I hope everyone is doing okay and I wish everyone in here the best!!