Today was my "baby's" 5th birthday... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />I threw a small party for him at the house! All was well...I was a bit "off" today because I was up most of the night thinking of another one of my friends going thru this crap!

Anyway, the alien was supposed to pick them up at 4:00...he calls during the party...I call him back...he says he will be late...OH HOW SURPRISING! he shows up at 6:30 with a bowling set...then takes them to dinner!

drops them off and the boys want ME to put this thing together....YEA RIGHT! tomorrow I say...

My oldest has a bad attitude...I told him to get to bed now..this is not unusual after they see their dad!

I get them in the shower, then all the sudden my DS6 comes out crying his eyes out...I ask what the problem is? he starts saying he misses daddy and wants him to come home and OH MY GOSH!

One thing the therapist told me this week was when the boys have a problem with their dad, they need to call their daddy...sooo I ask DS6 if he wants to call daddy and talk to HIM about this...he says yes...

he is crying and can barely understand him....the alien proceeds to ask DS if it is OK if he comes over tomorrow! WTH???? I said "does he want to take ya'll out again tomorrow?" and DS says yes...I said that is fine!

Mind you, we were supposed to "talk" today...but that never happened...I want to make it clear to this man that we have got to be civil with each other whether he hates me or not...

anyway, he hangs up and starts saying how he wished Daddy was still living here and how we aren't supposed to break up and how he is SUPPOSED to love ME and how he used to hold my hand and how he used to be friends with Pipa (my father)...WHOA! then he says he watns to see Pipa!!! Ok now we are BOTH crying! I held him and I told him that Pipa is in heaven now...he said he knows that but he misses him and daddy should be here... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

OK...ummmmm, did daddy say something to you to upset you tongiht? he said NO, he just started to think about the whole thing and he doesnt' want daddy to get his own house and he wants us to stay married and...

I explained to him that we loved him very much and that we will always be his parents but we wont be living together anymore...I told him that we AREN"T fighting NOW...and that we WILL be friends one day!

This sucks...for my kids...I was so happy, now I am so bummed....I hate that jerk! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

{{mom}} It sucks big time, you did good though.

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}} Your post made me cry. I remember when my son cried his eyes out after his daddy left. It was so hard. He was 8 at the time and it killed me to see such pain in his eyes. I would get so angry (and still do) at my STBX for putting an innocent child through this. My son deserves a happy life and to have a family. My STBX told my son before he moved out that "as soon as mommy stops crying I'll come home." Of course he knew he wasn't coming home and for a while my son blamed me for crying. He would tell me that it was my fault because if I would stop crying then daddy would come home. He broke a promise to my son and I can't forgive that.
My heart goes out to you. Hang in there. Stay strong and just love your kids with all you have. They will make up their minds one day about their father.

Thanks guys! Tree, your H is just as dilusional as mine is...who is worse? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> My son blamed me for a long time too, but I think we have finally got him on the right track!

this gets even better...I go upstairs to apologize to DS9 for yelling at him...He had the attitude still...The therapist told me to make it clear to him that he is NOT TO TALK TO ME THIS WAY...so I did..then I apologized and asked him what was bothering him..he said "nothing is going right"... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> "my whole life is falling apart...nothing goes my way" I said "what are you talking about?" he always says he doesn't want to talk about it...and it is times as these that piss me off about that man! I am hear picking up the broken hearts while he is with his new family!

I asked justin to tell me what was bothering him...he said "the divorce" and starts to cry! WTF??? OK, again I asked this son "did daddy say something to you to upset you tonight" he denies it..I did not push it! I explained to this son that we will be ok..that we love you and we will always be your parents..and you knwo the rest! I asked this son if he wanted to call daddy...NO, I dont want to talk to him! OKEY DOKEY!

I said "hey, I thougth we were doing pretty well here buddy....I think we are doing a great job on our own" he said "yea, we are"

so now what is he doing? he's up there throwing up...which is what he ALWAYS does when he is "nervous"...

My poor babies! Do you think that the whole "birthday" triggered them...I know I was very depressed today...not knowingly...but I was! Do you think that triggered them...maybe thinking "we have always done birthday TOGETHER, daddy should be here"..

I am at a loss for this...Justin starts intensive therapy next week! I cant wait! Thanks for listening!

Get a child psych working with them - Dad is clearly not looking at what's best for his boys, but more how he can manipulate and control you by scaring his boys, and breaking their hearts.

A court-evaluation from a child psychologist would clearly put you in the driver's seat to move to SA! And let Dad deal with the commute.

At least for now, until he finally gets a clue he may be acting like King Baby but he doesn't rule the world!

im so sorry for what you are ging through. i'm with you with my girls. i will pray for you and stay strong

I think that might be a good idea Kayla...I am going to suggest that when we go to court next week! DS9 starts therapy on Tuesday...he will be going 2-3 times per week! I am also going to get the other two into therapy, or at least the 6 y/o...the 5 y/o is ok it seems! He's just used to this as he really doesn't "KNOW" any thing else...he was 3 when this all started! poor baby! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Should I write an email to him and find out what happened? and say in the email that I think at this point it is doing more harm than good for him to see them...but if I do that, then he can take the email to court and say that I am keeping them from him...

You know when I was in Plan B from jan to March he saw them every single saturday for 8-9 hours a day..and once a week...now he sees them for an hour here an hour there...it is so confusing to them...they want to SEE their dad...do things with him..he has yet to find a place to live...he tells them he has, but then hasn't acted on it...

WHAT is he doing??? I mean come on! This is a man that wants to fight for custody! Give me a break!

Why are you so convinced dad said anything??? I'm not trying to be a downer here, but maybe the boys are just having a hard day. You have hard days, don't you think they are going to have them also.

The party could have been a trigger for both of them. A reality check for them that things won't be the way they use to be. It's the pits that we can't protect them from the reality of a divorce.

Having him talk to someone will help!

Good luck!

No, Do not write him an e-mail, do not offer HIM ANYTHING.

This is his mess to figure out, if you reach out to him asking him what happened it's going to place you back on
the emotional rollercoaster tracks full speed. Don't go there.

I realize you want to know WHAT happened and WHY your kids are hurting. They probably asked Dad when he's coming home, and he either lied or blamed you OR he took them to see OW and Half-sister, and knowing the second one would probably hurt you more than anything and they don't want to hurt you, they say NOTHING.

The best thing you can do for your kids at this point, is let them know that "When they are ready to talk about it, Your there to listen." Let them know that You want to be able to talk to you about anything, even IF they think it will cause your feelings to be hurt. It's not their responsibility to protect mommy's feelings, but it is your responsibility to help them work through theirs so that they don't hurt so much.

Let them know that yes, something they say might hurt you, just like sometimes you say things that might hurt them, and like you don't want to hurt them, you know they don't Want to hurt you, but sometimes you need to share those things so you can help them work them out.

I don't remember if you said they are in counseling yet or not, I know you said your going to find a counselor, so let them know that if they don't feel comfortable sharing those things with you yet, your going to get someone else they can talk to and share with that won't be hurt by things they tell them.

And something else you could do until you get a counselor for them, is ask YOUR counselor if they could come in one day and talk to him/her. That way they know it's not as scary as they may think it is. I know before I found a counselor for my kids, thats what I did, I had them go in and sit down and talk to mine, they knew I talked to her, so she can't be THAT bad which helped them at the time, and when they started going to their own counselor, they knew I had checked him out and talked to him before they went in there, and so it was safe for them to talk to him too and they were able to open up with him.

And if that's not an option yet, what about having them talk to your sons ball coach, or an aunt, uncle or grandparent think of an adult that you know who may be able to just take them out for ice cream or a coke who can be there to just listen to them and maybe offer some comforting words to them.

My ex-h moved out 5 years ago, and my son still comes home from his dad's angry. It's not that he wants his dad and I to get back together, but it's because his dad doesn't keep his word, he tells him he's going to take him to do things and then doesn't. They only see their dad about one weekend a month, and maybe two or three weeks a year, and you know that's his choice, it's sad, but that is the choice he made
and the kids don't like it, but they are learning it's all he can give no matter what his words say, they know if he REALLY wanted to spend more time with them he would. They have learned over time it's not about me, and it's not about them, it's about HIS choices, and that is something their counselor helped them to understand.

My ex fought for custody too, and I honestly think the judge would have given him custody, but his actions didn't prove to the court he wanted custody. He didn't look for a place to live so that they could stay in the same schools, he didn't look for a job that would have made it possible for him to spend more time with them, and various other things the court literally gave him six to eight months to do, so for those months I was in limbo not knowing what was going to happen. And as you can see, it worked out as far as custody, and he still makes the same choices he did before 5 years later in only seeing them one weekend a month and a few times a year.

My son also says he doesn't want to talk about it. I can see in his face that he is hurt but he just won't open up! He's going to start therapy in August. We are going to be gone a lot in July so I figured that Aug would be the best time.
I just don't get our WH's. They are a lot alike. Very delusional!!!!

Hang in there!!!

I'm not really CONVINCED he said anything, but two of them were very weepy afterwards...

Also, In the past he has said things like "I cant come home cuz mommy wont let me" or when they ask why he isn't living at home he says "I want to come home...but ask mommy why I cant" he has always put the blame on ME in the past...so I was afraid maybe he said something to them about it!

I didnt' write him an email! didnt' mention it at all! Thank you for your words of wisdome TR!

I think I said in a previous post that when DS6 talked to his dad, Ed said he would come by and get them Friday...Well, guess what? All day, no call from Ed...He never called them, never showed up...nothing...His word is as good as Dog poopy!

How can a man tell his OWN SON he will come over and talk to him, or take him out for dinner and NOT even call...NOTHING!

At about 6:00 I finally went to get some dinner for all of us...My mom came in for the weekend...This is supposed to be HIS weekend with the boys...1st and 3rd weekends, right? he actually mentioned that he was TRYING to following the schedule! It will be interesting to see if he does today...I would like to spend some time with my mom..do some fun stuff!

the man hasn't got a clue! Still no place to live! doesn't even seem to be interested in looking...yet, he wants custody! uh huh!

The man has lost his marbles! So sad! The boys are doing better today..I just dread when they see him...it is not "quality" time with them...he takes them to lunch or dinner and brings them home...wow! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Day's like that always remind me of the old song "Cats in the Cradle".

I've always wondered what kind of dad the guy who wrote Cats in the Cradle had. He seems to have it so right. The powers-that-be should put a recording of it and the words in the freebie basket you get at the Maternity ward in the hospital.

Mom, I don't think these dads have any idea what they're doing to their kids. On the bright side, your kids see their dad and will go with him. My DD won't talk about her dad and hasn't seen him for ages. Not since Memorial Dad. Even though his parents are coming for a picnic tomorrow, nobody is calling him. If we had a custody agreement, DD would probably see more of WH that she does now.

Count yourself at least a little bit lucky that your kids have some relationship with their dad.