I'm a first time poster here. I confronted my Dh with the evidence of repeated contact by text message with the 18 yo babysitter. I gave him the ultimatum, it stops or the consequences won't be nice. This was 2 days ago. Yesterday evening he seemed a bit off, and I'm now waiting to see if the post count of text messages goes up this morning. Since I can't tell if its in real time, I may just have to wait for 12 more days until I can get the detailed bill.

The other thing I don't know about is the extent of this contact. I consider it an affair. I don't know if it is sexual or romantic but if it looks like a duck, ya know.

anyway. so I'm rather miserable, hoping he does the right thing because the consequences will not be pretty.

I am so sorry you are here and found out. It is so hard to wait I know. Stay here and read alot and people will help you.

ok, well...don't know what I'm going to do withmyself. I guess I had better read on withdrawel. In case this thing was something emotional, (which I don't doubt--but he denies) maybe he'll go through withdrawel.

The text message count didn't go up at the typical time which would show late night text messaging. but then again its not on real time.

boy this is hard.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. You have found a great place to be.

You might want to post on general questions, as there is more traffic there on weekends.

Did you read the messages enough to know what is going on?

Does she still live with her parents?

What are you going to do when you get what you are waiting for? I'm not sure finding out that they are text messaging more or less is going to help you with what you need to do. If it stopped, you still need to address the fact that it happened. What is your plan?
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I did not read any messages they were all done while he was not with me (at work, driving, at night) They all delete but I looked at the past cell phone bills because I knew something wasn't right. There are things that are not right between us for awhile. The only thing I have is the dates and times and messages out and in. from his phone to her phone and then a message back in.

Yes, she still lives with her parents. Its all I can do to save that trump card for later. Stupid little twit, I say if she's big enough to mess with a married man she's big enough to deal with the consequences.

Did he deny anything was happening?

The ultimatum was that he stop all contact as of right then, and if I find out there is any more contact that there will be a lot of nasty consequences. Also, I offered him to stop it now and we would keep it private to be discussed only in private with counselor. That I love him, the children love him, and I hope he makes the right choice. I could not believe how calm I was.

He gave me his word that it has stopped. If it turns out that the contact doesn't stop I am going to get a close friend of his, a counselor from church, and have a little come to Jesus meeting where he will have to leave my home until I know its done. This will essentially be a crushing blow to everybody, and if he doesn't come around then our family will suffer for a long time. I am also saving a trump card of confronting the girl at her home with her mother there. Actually, the girl is 17.5, but its just so hard to hear to me that I say she's 18. If this OW was older established lady I wouldn't have this card, but this girl is still at home and under the authority of her folks, and is messing with a married man and his family and from a broken home herself with a deadbeat dad. Even if NOTHING has happened and NOTHING was romantic it is still a crushing blow. But I doubt that it was NOTHING if you KWIM. and if it IS nothing, it should be easier for him to knock it off although it will be hard for me either way.

I am sorry we have so much trouble but I cannot live with contact with a young female. You must leave the home, and that will be that. Ball is in his court I'm not going to play around.

I'm doubting that he will choose the wrong path but we shall see. There is so much at stake for him, and coming from a broken home himself and we have children together, and being self employed and all his good friends he will essentially be pulling the rug out from under his own feet. Meanwhile, I will have a rough go at it but I know God will provide all our basic needs.

I posted more of the story on the emotional needs board, as obvioulsy this is where all the problems stem from. It also tells what I'm doing right now to get through.

Whattagirl, Glad to see you have your plans in order. My only question is this? Do you think he'd still be text messaging her knowing that you are checking it? They are pretty stupid, but not that stupid. Once I found the phone bills, my H went to text messages. I was expecting something like that, so I was ready and sure enough, they started in place of the calls. It wasn't until he was cold busted and I found out everything and TOTALLY exposed him that the A ended.

Are you checking the phone, e-mail and making sure they aren't visiting each other instead? Don't rely on just this ending of text messages to convince you he is being loyal. I'm just telling you because I've been there.

Good luck and keep us posted.
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I don't know what else they will do, except maybe IM from cell phones. I also am saving the meet the mother trump card, surely the girl will have saved sentiments from him if its anything. If they are meeting there is no way for me to know, as I'm always home with the children. However, the next time he goes out late, I will be calling her house to ask for her mother and to see if she happens to be babysitting my kids that night. Thats about all I can do, I don't know how else to get solid proof if it is a PA and how do you get solid proof it isn't if it is an EA.

sigh.

Be careful. If you catch him at something he will just hide it better. Find new ways to get around and communicate.