I was told I posted under wrong topic, so I will try again. Husbands father passed away 2 yrs ago, his mother Mar 4, sister needed kidney transplant, my husband donated, lost his job because of these and then ended up losing sister about 5 weeks later. He was diagnosed with depression. Dr gave meds. He took, then ran out and didnt get more. Well, a year has passed since losing job and he still wasnt working. I didnt nag a bit about it. Just held the frustration of struggling with bills inside. He had enough to deal with. When a cell phone bill came in Nov 04 for $700 I about fell out. Well, this continued for 5 months. I finally cut his off. He went out and got one on his own. In the meantime, he got a cash job to fill his time working on renovating a house for a friend and his wife. Then, his vehicle got stolen out of our driveway. So, he has been taking me back and forth to work. He always came up with good excuses for where he had been. But, he never was without vehicle or cell phone. Well, ends up I have pgs on top of pgs of phone records. He denied. I dug up p.o. box receipt and 2 pictures of girl. Then, my 12 yr old son tells me he and his dad would meet this girl at Wal Mart or Blockbuster. His dad would go early to this house renovation and one time he even locked himself and the girl in a bedroom and they were making plans. My poor son had to tell me this!!! I had enough and told him to leave. He continued to lie to me. We had agreed before we got married, that if we were never do this to the other and would break up before the worst would happen. Well, it happened. He was gone a week and I came down with staff infection and went into hospital for week. He went home and took care of 3 boys and house. When I came home, he stayed to look after me and the boys. He did earn points with that. He insisted that it was the depression that made him not think rationally, but said they were 'just friends'. The clues and my instincts lead me to believe otherwise. Do I believe him? He wont admit to anything except that he talked a lot to her. It has been 7 weeks since I found out and I cant seem to get past this. My imagination goes wild, have nausea all the time, cry all the time and the kids see me. When I found this site it was like Dr. Harley was reading my mind. I feel I need the truth,but he is still lying about little things. How do I get him to talk? He says there was nothing I said or did, but I feel there had to be a reason he felt he could talk to her 5 hrs a day and me only 5 minutes a day. How can we resolve this if he doesnt tell me? Should I give up on my marriage if he doesnt talk to me? I am not sure how to handle the kids either. If I tell them, they will keep him honest if he tries to see her again with them.I really need some advice.

disbeliever, I am sorry you are so frazzled right now. Unfortunately, I understand your pain. Whether or not your husband slept with this girl, which you have every reason to believe he did, he was at the least involved in an emotional affair. That is reason enough to insist on MC NOW. It is also enough to INSIST that all contact with OW ends immediately.

That is the first step and you will need to take everything day by day in this situation. Once you are in MC maybe you'll get more information. My H lied to me for weeks as well until I confronted the OW (who I knew) pretending to know everything and she sung like a bird. I know how hard it is to "know" they are having an affair, but not having any evidence to prove it. What you do have is evidence of some level of an affair and you can begin to address that issue immediately.

Hopefully in due time you will find out everything. For now, start thinking about what you want (to work on this or not) and what you need (MC and no contact) to continue.

Good luck. Keep posting here if you have more questions. It will be slow this holiday weekend, but I'll be around.
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Yes, he did say he quit all contact with OW. Hard to believe that you can do that after 7+ months of talking 5hrs/day, 7days/wk. He isnt showing any withdrawl symptoms either. Cant find any evidence though. I did try to talk with OM, but she held her ground as 'just friends'. What kind of friend was she that I couldnt be to him? So confused. The 'not knowing' and lying is probably killing me more than the affair(whatever kind it might have been).
As for the contract... I thought we had an agreement. To have it re-instated? How can I believe a second one, when the first didnt work?

You need IC and soon. Prepare yourself for the worst. Sorry this has happened -feels like it has become an epidemic. Never thought it would happen to me. The EA is hard because they shared so much with OW and we got nothing.

My H never did show withdrawal, so don't worry about that. You have to believe him, but keep looking. The truth is out there. Will he admit this is an emotional affair? Will he go to counseling?
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We cant even talk about any of this at all. Any time I bring it up, it just makes him mad. Maybe he feels bad about it all, but I really need to talk about it. I think that he thinks if we dont talk about it, it will go away. Just like when I went to his cell phone to ck a msg I thought was from one of our kids and he had a password. I asked him what it was and he told me. I dont know what made think that maybe it was her birthday as the password. I pleasantly asked him if it was and he denied. I went home to internet and found out it was. He lied again. I confronted him and he told me he didnt want to mess things up because he thought we were doing better. Well, its not! I just feel so lonely. I told him at one point, that I was going to go ahead with a seperation, that is the only way I could find out what they talked about by getting their 1000 of text msgs. No reply though. Maybe in a way thats what he wants, but wants me to be the bad guy. I keep thinking how stupid I am for sticking thru this when he wont give his 100%. Am I? He started going to a counselor the week after I made him leave the house. He only went 3 times. I think the counselor may have told him not to tell me anything. What should I do about that?