well friends, I am not having a very good night here. I do great for the most part during the day and feel hopeful for the marriage, but at night when it is quiet and I think it is hard. With H still sleeping on the couch when he gets home from work and not knowing if or when that will change (hopefully as things get better he will want closeness with me again) it is very lonely and then I start to think about him and OW last fall having SF and then I cannot stop crying. The past few nights I have had to take a sleep aid to get to sleep and I hate doing that because then I am groggy in the morning. But at night, in the quiet and aloneness of my bed it hurts so badly.... I guess the wounds are just still too raw, only have known about this PA for a month or so... it is crazy, but the only thing that comforts me at times is that I am not alone in my pain, the OW's H has had to deal with this too. And I am told he was absolutely devastated when he found out. They have been in MC for some time now and I guess OW has made some very positive changes and her H and his family forgive her for what she did. But I am sure it is still pretty raw for him too and he shares my pain. Just needed to come cry here before I tried going back to bed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I knew you guys would understand. mlhb

Here is a hug {{{{mlhb}}}}. I have already been there and done all of that. I know how you feel and I feel for you. So sorry you are there in that rotten place.

It is the worse thing in the world to hear this, but time is the only thing that makes things better at this point.

Take care of yourself. I also took sleep aid. I did xanax, alcohol and benadryl some nights and still woke up in the sweats and nightmares. There is nothing that will erase those visions unless you force them out of your mind. It is easier said than done. After a year I am still having to do it. I picture it like a tv and then I turn it off and the pic slowly fades away until there is nothing. I have not found another way to get over the visions of the one you love getting it on with another person.

Hugs and prayers to you.

HINY

mlhb, I am very sorry you are in such pain tonight. Just know that it won't always be like this. This is going to be a tough year, I won't lie to you. Do you exercise? Throwing myself into exercise was just an enormous relief from my pain. It also helped me sleep. [and got me in the best shape of my adult life!]

I agree with Melody. Exercise helps. I'm right there with you. DDay was 6/26. I understand that terrible pain. It's right here, right now. I take sleeping pills too. And I hate feeling groggy in the morning, but it's better than staying up all night. You're not alone. I hate the mornings. It seems like it's right there in my face when I wake up. I'm sorry you're having a bad night.

Thanks everyone. Yes, I do excercise, an hour to 90 minutes every day and I have not sat idle either, constant cleaning. I am tired when I go to bed but cannot sleep. About 30 minutes after I take the sleep aid I am out cold. And I mean cold! So not long after getting off of here last night I was asleep. And now it is morning and a new day and I am ok probably until tonight... I think it may help when and if my H if starts sleeping in our bed again. If our marriage is going to work he will be back in it. Then I will start to feel better. mlhb

What kind of exercise do you do, mlhb? I do home videos and often work out on my elliptical machine. Today I am doing Cathe Friedrich's Muscle Endurance weight lifting tape. Do you go to a gym?

Mostly I do walking, the kids and dogs go with me. The kids either walk or ride their bikes. We walk for an hour. Or my treadmill with arm weights and or the firm tapes or other tapes I have. I really like getting outside when I can tbough. mlhb

You do the Firm? I have been doing those for years and so has Pebbles. Good tapes. Do you feel any better this morning?

Yes, I felt better this morning. It is when the night rolls around again..... mlhb