Divorce is going thru, but we are fighting over points of custody. I do not believe in joint custody. I believe a child should have a stable home to call home. Anyway in my settlement proposal, I suggested every other weekend Fri evening thru Sun evening and every Tues 3:30-8:00. WH wants more. Now he works until 9:00 on Mon and Thurs and 6:00 on Wed. DD is two and should be in bed by 8:30. Am I being unreasonable? He wants more overnights - Well he has to be at work at 9:00 everyday and I live about 20 min. away. She gets up at 7:30-8:00. So really how much more time does that give. DD has no schedule with her father and always comes home extremely tired and miserable.

Anyway this situation is making him angry and I am paying. Last night he came to pick her up and I restated what I thought we agreed upon for this weekend. He could keep her Sunday night (extra) and return her at 1:30 and I could have her the rest of the 4th. He says that he planned to keep her anyway (WTF??) and why should I get her on the 4th it is his weekend. I reminded him that I shared Memorial Day on my weekend. He claims they have plans for the evening, which so do I. So he said that he would try to bring her back, but things happen. Flat tires occur, cars break down. What an idiot! I have always been here when he is to come get DD. Why can't he be reasonable. Then I tell her that I will call her to say goodnight. He states "I hope I have reception where we are. We are going away for the weekend. And perhaps I could be like you and not hear the phone" Basicly threatening that I may not get to talk to her. I called at 8:20- No answer. 8:30-NA. Left a message saying I wanted to say goodnight, please call back. 9:00 i call back. Immediate voice mail- means phone is off. I leave a message letting him know that he calls nightly and I have never denied him saying goodnight, but if he wanted to play games,perhaps I would quit hearing my phone too. I thought he was being re"dic"ulous that I couldn't talk to DD for 2 mins. He calls me back at 9:35 so DD could say goodnight. She is running around and didn't want to talk, but at least I heard her voice. Why is he being so ugly? Now he has ruined my weekend, because I am concerned on when I will be getting her back on Mon. I know he will never bring her back at 1:30- just to prove he doesn't have to.

Am I being controlling when it comes to visitation? Do I deserve being treated this way? He has me so upset. The only good thing is that he is making me get tough.

My STBX has had my DD call me for the last 2 mornings just to say goodmorning. Ok now I am confused. What game is he playing? Here was a guy that might not hear his phone so that I could say goodnight change to a guy that has her call me to say goodmorning> WTF????
I'm still worried about getting her back tomorrow at a decent time, but I don't think that I should mention it, because he seems to love to feel that he has the power. Any suggestions or thoughts?

"Am I being controlling when it comes to visitation?"
Yes, you are.
You are trying to dictate his time without cooperation or compromise. Yes, she's young at 2 years old, but you need to think beyond that.
Also, I believe flexibility is in order here.
If he works until 9 pm, then she may go to bed later that night. Sometimes the rules are different in each house.

And if he goes to work at 9 am, that's more than enough time for a parent to drop a child off at the babysitter's or day care.
Please read some of the materials on this, particularly the book, Mom's House/Dad's House. It appears to me that you are intentionally angering him and forcing him into limited contact with his child.

"Do I deserve being treated this way?" This is a very selfish statement and leads me to think that you are not putting your DD's interests above your own.

And can't you think it's just nice that he had your DD call you instead of thinking something sinister?

My x and I have joint legal custody and I have primary care. The decree is written so that I have the authority to make all the big decisions as long as I keep him informed. I try very hard to involve x - it is what is best for all of us.

If there is no legal joint custody, and your child is injured seriously in an accident while with noncustodial parent, the noncustodial parent may not be able to authorize medical care. Hardly what you want if a leg gets broken in a traffic accident.

Thanks for the replys. It helps to have someone else look at the situation. The way our custody agreement will be written is that we are both have equal authority when it comes to educational, medical, and religous decisions. I know how important it is for him to be involved in her life. I am just having problems giving him all this time. WH started the A when i was 6 months preg. The first 4 months of her life he went "running" every night and said out "drinking with guys" - All lies, but he wasn't here. She was a very fussy baby and I did it all alone. Even when he was here "trying", she had to fit in his schedule. He never did anything with us. I can't tell you how many times I have heard that he never wanted her and how I screwed up his life getting preg.

Now he is being super dad. Problem is is that I still see the same issues. He wants DD more, but it still has to fit his schedule. When he does have her, GF always has to be involved. Am I bitter? YES - They do all the things he wouldn't with us.

I have my concerns with GF. DD thinks that her son is Daddy's little boy. She said to me that he loves him more. She asks me all the time if I like Daddy and asks him the same questions.
Then for the last two nights, DD will not go with him. She cries when he shows up and doesn't want to go. He asks like a jerk and screams at me that I have brainwashed her. He said tonight that we won. He wants nothing to do with her and I will not see any CS. All because he was mad. I know that he doesn't mean it, in fact he called to say goodnight.

DD comes home from weekend with Dad and is a different kid. She won't sleep thru the night and is miserable.
I really am trying to put her first. I know that I am bitter and I am trying to make it not show. But how much time am I supposed to give?

Get the book "mom's house/dad's house" to answer some of your basic questions.
From your comments, I read that YOU are using your DD to get back at X for the affair during your pregnancy.
Your DD is also likely playing off of your emotions.
And, many children are sullen following the transitions. It's textbook, so just plan for a quiet night after transition.
I hope you have a counselor, because I think you would benefit from working out some of the anger of the affair, which currently is hurting you and your DD.