I am considering having a single consultation with SH (can't afford more than one). My WH will not be having a session.

I'd like to know:

a) if it is worth having just the one session
b) whether it is worth it if my WS isn't interested?

If you've used the Harley's counseling service, please let me know what you thought! Money is very tight and I really need to know it's worth it.

Thanks!

Alph.

Alph - I am one who has counseled with SH recently. By myself. The Alien thinks MB is a cult.

I think it was worth the money to hear his take on things. I am well versed in MB philosophy and he perceived that early, so he did not spend a lot of time explaining things. He listened and got to the point.

It would be better if there was ANY way you could get H to talk with SH with you.

One option is to call Joyce Harley's radio show on Tuesday or Thursday, and talk to Dr. Harley himself. He is the guest on Tues and Thurs. YOu need to call at the top of the hour and expect to be on hold a while - but it does not cost a thing. They take the time to listen, and to really help.

Follow the link on the main MB page, or call the reservation line for SH to get more details.


Good luck.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

That's a new alien take on things!

Unfortunately, I'm calling from the UK, so time and money do count for me. I can only call between school hours, and being on hold for a while would not be cheap!

No way that WH would talk to SH. The marriage is over for him. I'm doing this alone!

Many thanks for your reply, foundareason. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Hi Alph! I've had one session with SH. I felt it was good. He was sympathic, kept me on-task and was very helpful. Unlike my other MC, we didn't just get into the meat at the end of the session and then have to go. By the time you've been on the phone for nearly an hour, it's plenty long enough. He deals with this everyday and has many strategies. I found his advice useful. WH has come to the point where he SAYS he will be making an appointment with SH. His work is insane and he needs to move to the point where he CAN make the appointment.

SH counseling is a lot of money. I put off making an appointment with him for a long time. The main reasons I finally did it was 1) I felt I had reached an impasse and didn't know where to go from there and 2) Knowing that this "tool" was available, how could I feel I'd done everything I could to save my marriage without trying MB counseling.

I would talk with SH again but not until it becomes clear what WH is doing. If WH talks to Steve, I'll make another appointment. If he doesn't, I'll probably go into Plan B. When I need more help figuring things out or need some strategy help, I'll make another appointment. I would love to do a joint session with WH.

Perhaps you need to wait until you see some "motion" before you talk with SH. What I mean is that I perceive you're at a point where not much is happening. The exposure stuff hasn't really kicked in yet. Tortilla and WH are still in honeymoon mode. You are becoming stronger. If I'd done SH early, I'd have been in tears the whole time. Since you don't have a lot of money, maybe things need to come to a crisis point. Exposure needs to make things more painful. The idyllic A relationship shows some strain. Of course, maybe SH advice could help that happen.

Good luck!

Figure out which hour it is for you. I think it is noon for me on the left coast. 2 central time - might be late in the eve for you. If you call 5 minutes early, you will likely be first (I was both times I called) so you will be on hold for about 4 minutes then with Dr. and Joyce for about 15 minutes. Can you get a calling card that makes it cheaper to call the states?

It will be noon here in 45 minutes - the time I would call the radio show, and the time you would.

(chanting) All hail my fellow cult members.
(whack myself in the head with my tablet)

8 o'clock in the evening for me. I'll think about this - thanks, foundareason!


This is true, grapegirl. I think it's partly because nothing much is happening that I want to have the session - see if there's anything else I can do make things uncomfortable in affairland. And I have the means to pay for it now. If I don't do it now, I might not have the money later on.

Don't tell me to save the money! I'd just blow it all on my holiday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

To make the best of your time, before you call, you should do a few things.

- Read "Surviving An Affair" and "His needs, Her Needs".
- Be familiar with MB principles (see links below), Plan A & Plan B and the above books.
- Write down any questions you have as you think of them in the days/weeks BEFORE you call.
- Write down a short bio of marriage & problems (how long married, kids, when & what trouble started, etc)
- When you do call, keep a pencil & paper handy to write down his responses & suggestions.

This will ensure you don't forget to ask something & keep you on track. More bang for the buck (or in your case, more bang for the quid).

It's not simply a cry & moan fest.
He'll ask you some basics, ask what you both have done, and guide you on the way.
He's VERY good at getting you enthusiastic and going in the right direction.

That's excellent advice - thanks, Chris!

Alph.

Alphin,
you can also write an e mail to Dr. Harley (senior) and he answers right away! At least it's free and I was very satisfied that his reply was personal for me.

his e mail is on the web page I think. I don't have it on this computer but if you can't find it and are interested I'll look it up for you.

cc64,

If you'd look that up for me I'd be very grateful - thank you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

In addition to Chris' list, take the EN questionnaire. If your WS won't do it, take it as yourself and then as him.

Have that ready to fax to Steve.

BTW, Steve w/b calling you for the session. The call is on his dime. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Alphin, the e mail is [email]bharley@marriagebuilders.com.[/email]

Remember this is Steve's father.

cc

That's great - thanks so much. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

The info about Joyce Harley's radio show should be that Mondays are called 'Marriage Mondays', Dr. Willard Harley is on with her then as well as 'Relationship Thursdays' to take calls. This Monday will have a taped program of a prior show on because of the holiday. (The time 2pm top 3pm Central Time or 3pm to 4pm EST.) I think she discusses Education on Tuesdays.