Just when I thought things cound not get any worse, my 16 D tells me she hates living with me and plans on moving in with my parents. Just wants nothing to do with me or anything I have to offer. H just walked out alittle over 2 wks. I'm just hanging on by a thread. I was getting over the first blow of marriage ending, now this, she does not want to follow the rules, no interest in helping around house,she has an answer for everthing. I know, I know, its the teen yrs, but I thought she would support me some what. I told her some things will change for a short time until I get back on my feet $ wise, but bare with me. She is my top importance, but she threw it all back in my face, telling what a losesy person I am, good for nothing, always complaining,never happy. Hello, I'm trying here. My world is falling apart before me, where did I go wrong? my sweet caring D is turning into a monster before my eyes!!!I'm not sure how to go on, what did I do that was so wrong? Oh God please help, this is breaking my heart!!!! I have no one now! I'm all alone.

She thought you would protect her from the abandonment of her father.

He job is not to support you emotionally. That's asking too much from someone her age with very little life experience to draw from.

She is not doing things to piss you off or to hurt you.

She is trying to survive this chaos .... and she has NO TOOLS for this because she is so very young.

She's as hurt as you. If you lean on her, she may collapse and fall over.

Her frailty equals yours.

Going somewhere to live where the adults are more functional than you are able to be right now, may actually be a healthy choice for her.

What are you doing to make yourself stronger right now?

((( hugs )))

Pep

First off, you can stop reacting to her. She is acting up, which is what teenagers do. The line of authority has broken down in her family and this makes her insecure. She is testing things to see if there is still an adult in charge here. Are you going to be in charge?

Tell her you are the parent here and she won't be going to live with her grandparents. And you should not expect support FROM HER, it is your job to give her support. She is the kid, you are the parent. Her family is crumbling around her and she needs your support.

You still have to be a parent even though your marriage is crumbling. I know it sucks, but you have to suck it up and step up to the plate.

The same thing happened with my boys when my H left. My 17 yr old tested me in every way. And I was not just dealing with my H leaving me, but the death of my 18 yr old just after my H left. I was a mess, but I had to suck it up and step up the plate. That is what you have to do.

On the other hand, would she be better off at her grandparents right now?

Oh dakota -

I know you don't want to hear that she is being normal, but she is. It would be nice if she could support you in the tiniest way, but her world is falling apart too.

How are her grades? Is she staying out of trouble, and being responsible in her own life? I'm not talking about helping around the house so much as taking care of her business.

My son pulled the same thing. Went to live with his dad two states away. This is the father who never paid child support or helped in any way. I let him go. That only lasted 2 months, and he was calling me up begging for an airplane ticket home.

When he got back, he no longer had the "attitude", and has been great ever since.

You have to be strong. She needs you to come along side her and show her the way to get through problems.

By the way....

Your H is her Daddy, right?

Where is he living?

Is he spending any time with his daughter?

Pep