The first time was in 1999, and when it was said and done, life went back to its "norm". No one talked aobut the affair. Forgiven and "forgotten" was the motto in our house. He never showed me he hurt, he never mentioned he hurt, in truth, he "took it in stride". Period. And unfortunelty in my selfish state I took it for face value. We never got counseling. Number one we couldnt afford it and number two we lived in BFE and the nearest counselor was 125 miles away. We had very small children and no friends to help.
January 2004 was the end of the 2nd round.
It has been a year and a half. I have expressed for the past year and ahalf how sorry I was, I have made tons of changes in my own life, as a person as a mother as ME. I have received some "counseling" from my pastors wife. He isnt interested in counseling at all. so that is out of the question.
He also doesnt want a divorce. At least not right now. We co-habitate in the same house. That is it.
Am I willing to hear what he has to say? no matter what? yes. Do you know why? Because even if our marriage doesnt make it, HE needs to heal as a PERSON. Not just as my husband.
What i was looking for was converstation pieces. Things are pretty tense and most simple things bring on an arguement. My H has never truely trusted anyone in his life. He has never shown an interest in sharing his life or problems witha nyone. His words are: "ive done it alone all my life I will continue to do it alone". Dangerous. Explains why he is a walking, ticking time bomb.
Anyway, I am sorry there is so much bitterness and anger here. I was only looking for a way to help things move in a more positive direction.
TNT: I can only SAY how sorry I am SO MANY TIMES. I am reminded daily of the destruction I have caused. Not only am i reminded daily, verbally, but I see the critism, anger, bitterness in the entire family. I see the whole picture. I am not blind. I guess I can die a thousand deaths for what i have done and he wouldnt be satisfied. I personally think that i have made a great effort in to changing who I am as a person, my own values, morals, meaning what I say, when I say yes...meaning yes and following through. I have demonstrated time and time and time again of how sorry I am. And it isnt just a "im sorry" I show it. But, he is so hurt he just chooses to see what he wants to see. HE told my brother these exact words: "I dont know why she is so lovey. She just walks around like she didnt destroy my life. How dare she just come back expecting me to take her back. I wish she would have just stayed gone".
Well.....I amnot a mind reader. When i asked to come back, he didnt say no. When i asked him recently if he wants a divorce he said.." i dont know.. what ever you want".. hmm bad answer. I asked him....."do you want me to leave?" he said.."I dont care what you do, what ever you want". I told him I would do what ever it takes to make this relationship right....he said...."i dont care, i am nto changing i am not workign on it, i did it for years" well, that is a weird statement but he feels that i have wronged him for years. not true. but whatever. anger often speaks garbage.
So he is in distress and wont talk. THAT is what i was looking for here. I was looking for topics, questions from you all to help HIM THROUGH THIS. I want to make things work, however, my true concern is for HIS OWN HEALING. NO matter the end for the marriage. whether it should work or not.
You see it is important to me that he heal. That he return to the person he was to take care of himself and be a good father. We have 5 children who need good parents. IT is important to me that he learn to love again, even if it isnt me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />.
So if ya all have a change of heart, please help.
Thanks,
