WEird post i realize. But I also have come to realize that what i thot my H was being selfish about, it is really all about being a man? a person? For example.

HE wants....new boots (over $300.00 always), new saddles, new bridles/headstalls, new stirrups, new horses, a new horse trailer, new truck. I am sure there are a string of more...but....

I never thot of it being something that men do? like? I guress i dont know men very well.

I think i have walked through my life assuming that because we were so much alike, we were both ok with nothing, and ok with what we have or dont have.

Lately my H has expressed his desire to have more $$, more things....etc...whcih i have classified as selfish. Forgive me, for I guess I am wrong.

I am not a high maintence woman. I enjoy going for a drive, spending time with my animals, going to an occassional movie, dinner....I enjoy occassional flowers...but I really enjoy just the ocmpany of my family. I dont do my nails, i have long hair so i cut it myself...LOL! I am not your typical woman, there fore, I didnt pay much atteniton to the needs and wants of my spouse, who I dont think has always been honest about his needs and wants. NO he wont do the questionaire ( i asked already), so if there are any men or even women who have suggestions to the ways of each other....please. post.

Thanks.

Well,

I'm not completely sure about what you are asking - but as far as men's interested are concerned; they're going to differ completely from person to person.

I, for example, was raised in the 80s and early 90s - I've grown up in a generation filled with computers, tv, the internet, etc - so my desires and needs are far as recreation are mostly attuned to that which I grew up with; which is going to differ greatly from someone on this site who is probably 40 or so - not to say that there aren't any 40 year olds who enjoy the same things I do.

As a man, I can say that more is better; your husband wanting to buy things is something a lot of guys feel the need to do - why it is, I'm not completely sure...maybe feeling superior because you have the best? I spent a gigaton of money on a new computer when we didn't really have it - and when I look back at it, I really regret it...but why did I do it? Cuz I wanted the best. It was dumb - but I blame it on being a guy! haha <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Unfortunately sometimes we need to make mistakes in order to learn about how dumb we can truly be - for me, buying that computer was one of those moments. *slap* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

LH, I am with fox that theres isn't a general rule for 'men'.

I do rarely reward my own hard work with a special purchase but such are always for MY benefit, not to impress anyone else.

I don't see any extravagance in the stuff you list your H wants. I've paid more than $150 for good shoes that still shine up great after 2 new soles and heels.

If your H earns it, and the family doesn't suffer by his purchases I say more power to him.

L4H, I may know where you are coming from (and I am kinda like your H, but mostly like you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />).

I'm in the horse world, too -- and I know ppplllleeeennnttttyyy of guys (and girls) who "have" to have the latest in trendy saddles, westernwear, bridles, pads, etc. Trends in the Horse World change faster than they do in Paris!!

For the uninitiated, a Circle Y saddle can easily run $3000 and a headstall $900. That's before you add all the western glitzy silver conchos, etc. A bit (that's what goes in the horse's mouth, folks; it's metal and isn't that expensive to make LOL) can run you $$145 for name brand. Don't even get me started on how much a nice aluminum trailer costs, and then you need a heavy enough pickup to pull it. . . you can buy a nag for $200 bucks, but a horse that's breathtaking to look at, has great confirmation, knows it's paces, etc starts at $3000 and goes upwards oof $25K if you want to show.

On the other hand, some people buy synthetic or used saddles ($200-$700), generic bridles/headstalls ($50-$150), standard, no name bits ($15-45) etc etc etc.

I am the latter. Not that I don't cater to myself and my horse ocassionally but I do know where the line is. And my husband thanks me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L4H, I totally know where you are coming from. I know people who are flat broke from training bills and having to have the latest "in" trainers (at $1000 a month!!!, before shoing, "acupuncture", Vet bills, chiropractor bills, and shows, Have they LOST THEIR ever-lovin' MINDS? LOL), the most recommended saddles, the most recent "discoveries" in horse technology (including horse vaccuums, horse megna-therapy, horse-suanas, the list goes on).

It's all well and good that your H wants to reward himself. But is he putting you guys in the hole because of it? Or just not spending time with you?

Let me know before I proceed with advice. I realize I've already carried on way too much.

hugs and best wishes,

StillLovingHim

I'm a man. (always strange to have to type that)

I think the first question is "Does stuff or money make people happy?"

The answer is "no".

Then, the second question: What kind of stuff does a man need to make him happy?"

... is unimportant.

-AD

my hubby "medicated" his issues for years with spending....me i'm the exact oposite. he now realizes what he was doing and why....now when all is financially taken care of i always make sure he has a little money to play with. he always found "his value" in what he had...and could show others...he is getting better, but it is a long struggle...life long...lol

I'm not married to an equine lover, but my husband is addicted to steel horses....and computer "junk" and stereo equipment and electronic gizmos and the list goes on. His father is exactly the same way. You get the two of them together and the conversation rarely deviates from the discussion of leather saddlebags, the latest and greatest in sportbikes, horsepower, how their newest electronic "toy" has made their life so much easier, etc. Sometimes it's maddening. We women get a bad rap at times about OUR spending habits when men are sometimes just as bad if not WORSE because their "toys" cost twice or more what ours do!

Sorry, guess that turned into a mini-rant. Is it really an ego thing to have the most toys? Must be, my 15yo son does the same thing....

I think the spender/saver couple can be either men or women.

My wife is always wanting to buy things, whether for herself, our daughter, or our home. Recently we pretty much finished decorating our house. It's pretty "full" there is not much more room for decorations!

BUT, that is when she started this affair. It was like, I'm done collecting stuff, now what?

Many people can't realize it, but "stuff" can't make you happy.