what the Crap are you suppose to do when the OW calls you house and says" leave WH alone he doesn't want you or you r kids" that really hurt how am i to respond to that i just burst out in tears and my 2 year old kept patting me saying mommy don't cry. advise would be nice i can't take much more of this before i break

Joanna -

I'm so sorry that this happened. I know how awful it feels. The worse thing is that if you tell your husband this, he won't believe you. The OW will most likely lie to you, and he will believe her.

The best thing for you is to block her number, and don't speak to her anymore.

I confronted OW once. She had the nerve to tell me "WH and I will come over to your house together to let you know how it is going to be".

Your WH's OW sounds like a real loser. Can you imagine doing that to another woman? I think they deserve each other.

Response: The minute you hear her voice, hang up the phone.

Oh, and call and report her to the police as making harassing phone calls.

Joanna,

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. It sucks. But there are things you can do to take back your power.

1. The next time you pick up the phone and hear this woman on the other end -- HANG UP on her. Don't slam the phone down or let her know you're upset, just hang up.

2. Caller ID -- if you don't have it -- get it. Call and order it tomorrow. Don't wait.

3. TALKING caller ID -- If your phone doesn't tell you who is calling so that you don't have to run and look, get a phone that does.

4. You can BLOCK this woman's number so that her calls will never reach you.

5. You can change your landline to a new and unlisted, or even better, non-published number.

6. You can change your cell number to a new number.

You should keep a log of all harassing phone calls. In many states harassing phone calls are considered a misdemeanor. Often, the same policy is applied for harassing hang-up calls by the way...

You can report the calls to your local phone company or at least speak with their business office to find out what their policy is for this kind of harassment.

***If there is ANY implied threat to you, your family or your property, you should report the calls to the police.***


You control your telephone -- NOT OW!!!


Sally

What a loser! I am amazed at how unrepentent and mean some OWs can be. You can only hope it happens to them some day...and it probably will.

heres the thing her number ike a lot of others comes up private. so i have no idea whos on the other end when i answer i usually screen my calls due to bill collecters. but this time i thought it was my mother in law calling back. how to you keep a log of private calls. and if i can't get the number how do i prove it.i'm not going to change my number cause i won't be here much longer and as far as i know she doesn't have my cell number. thanks guys

So sorry to hear this. You can block the last call that you receive. It does not matter if it is a *67 call or not. But, I would change my number and not give it to my WH, he might give it to her.

Of course, the phone calls are only the tip of the iceburg. I know this must hurt like heck. Happy people do not act like this. She obviously is not very happy. I always tell myself this when things like this happen to me. Helps me alot.

God Bless.

Carnation

Some phone companies have a screening service added to your line that automatically voice mail screens anyone who isn't listed on your list of acceptable callers/phone numbers. A call is made to your number. If it's not on your list of accepted numbers a recording comes on telling the caller that you are screening all calls. The caller is instructed by the voice mail that they can "announce" their name after a beep. You will be able to hear who they say they are. You can then decide whether or not you want to accept the call. I think that a message can be left, or else the voice mail tells them that they are an unrecognized caller whose call will not be accepted.

I had the OW call my house a few times. I didn't know the she and my exWS were having an affair. They were both in AA/NA together. She always copped an attitude with me! She was abrupt and snotty! I had never spoken to her with anything but courtesy.

I do think that not giving the OW any kind of emotional response can be helpful. That's exactly what they're looking for...knowing that they "got to you". Her sense of control with your WS, however, must be slipping or she'd have no need to call you and threaten you!

You could just let your answering machine take ALL calls even if you're home. Return the calls you want ASAP. If she leaves a message...save it for "evidence" of harassment, and/or for your WS to hear for himself (if he cares!)

I realize that not responding is much easier said than done. I've had a million "conversations" and "confrontations" with the OW....in my fantasy mind! I chose not to act on them. But, I allowed myself to feel what I felt, and realize I COULD choose to respond...but she wasn't worth it.

I HATE this whole mess! And I didn't do anything wrong! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Even better than hanging up. Put the phone in a cabinet or something and just leave it there for a half hour. You won't have to listen to her rant and she'll wear herself out.

Dobie

Sorry to hear you are dealing with a psycho babble OW. I had one of those who used to call me t/d the same. Funny thing....her call is a tell tale sign that she doesn't have the WS under her 'full control'. Signs of your real H must be showing up.

Here's what I did:

1. I told the WS, tell your OW to stop calling. Let her know that if she can't keep track of you, that's her problem. (I used reverse babble). LOL!!

2. I prepared a statement for the OW when she called. I played along with her and said: "You don't know where the WS is? He isn't here. You think maybe he has another person?" LOL!! It was funny. The OW immediately gave the WS a bad time. WS called me up later and asked why did I do this? I said, not sure ..... I told him I couldn't keep up with what kind of 'OPs' he was doing. Then I threw in the fact that I even suspected he might be 'bi'. LOL!!! Oh boy you should have heard him trying to prove he was straight. I told him, he already spent time with a wacko OW who in one pix looked like a guy (she was in Yosemite all bundled up in a snow jacket and from a distance did look like a guy), then I said, I really don't know what kind of person you have morphed into so if you are doing multiple people including OWs & OMs, I wouldn't be surprised.

Boy was he crushed. Good, it certainly made me feel better. Now I planted the idea that I suspected he might be gay. Welp, the OW certainly didn't like those odds. But hey, those 2 were odd anyways. After all TRUST is not a factor in an A. Instead a lack of trust is what makes an A grow.

I recommend you tape and keep a journal of each call. The OW is psycho (her actions show it). It is not a matter of if she will crack and try again, just a matter of when. You need to get so you are strong enough to deal with her wackiness and be ready to take it to the authorities as needed. No benefit of the doubt playing here, ok?

Take from someone who has dealt with something similar.

L.

(((J)))

I hear the voice of desperation in this OW's call.

You've gotten great advice. So, just my two cents:

Tape the calls. Radio Shack and others sell phone recorders. It's evidence for a harrassment charge, plus you will love the look on your H's facewhen you play it for him. Do it once, then block the b***h.

You are in my prayers.

Thank God that WH's continued attachment to you are so annoying to OW. Sh eis unhappy and unconfident of her ability to keep a grasp on WH while you are trying to rescue yourmarriage and so calls to BEG you to stay away.

Note your WH did't call you SHE did.

Rejoice, for OW is terrified of you winning back your WH.

well wh was here this afternoon. didn't talk much came in and checked the caller id. told him it wouldn't be there cause i had picked up the phone on the first ring. thats all that was said. his mother told him about the phone call. not me. he's saying that she didn't do it. that it must have been someone else she came back at him with "well if it wasn't her then it was someone on her behalf" well yeah for mom. so maybe there is a little trouble in the water over there i'm sure he called her and asked her about calling me and she lied.

The roller coaster ride will continue for quite some time. Your emotions will be good one day, terrible the next.

Wish it were different, but it probably won't be for a while.

I admire you for continueing to work, go to school, and take care of the kids during this very, very difficult time.

How are the kids doing?
And
How are you doing at the day to day things? Even putting dinner together can be so draining when things are like this.

Is there any progress on the legal end to protect your finances and keep him from spending you into bankrupcy?

Wishing you well.

SS

kids are great but the oldest is upset about the move. i try to be really supportive and tell her everything will be fine.she doesn't handle changes very well. i have struggled to keep her in the same school so she would have that security. but i can't do that now. but she will be okay for the most part.the little one is clueless as to what is happening. she still crys for her dad and looks for him at night. but that hopefully will get better. i handle the day to day stuff as if nothing is wrong.got a good routine going. wh came to house today and i was packing boxes he seemed sad. but oh well this is his mess and we have to get along the best we can. i just hope moms words put a bug in his ear. cause i was mad enough last night to pay ow a vist. i will be moving in a couple of weeks so that will help new phone number hopefully she won't get a hold of my cell or new number. also wh is going to counseling with me tomorrow. think it may be a good sign? he acted more like my husband today and not the wh. but who knows its anyones guess i will continue with my plans on the bankruptcy and i have taken control of the finances so he doesn't have access to them he will have to scrape by on what ever.

Changing schools is hard, we moved a lot, and my oldest kids went through it more than once.

Glad you have a handle on the finances, we worried about that.

I would say have fun moving, but I know you won't. I hate moving. I lived in 26 different homes or apartments before we moved into the home we are in now, and I hope I never have to move again.

Oh well, we never had to live in a tent.

You sound more sure of your self, and that is good. I think you know you can do it, even if he doesn't come back. Sorry it's this way, but I am glad you seem up to it.

SS

yeah after last night trauma. i'm okay today. been calling about houses and apartments to find a place. got the ad in the paper to sell my horses. gathering boxes and packing up all none neccessary stuff.one day at a time. and i pray every day for strength and guidance. the only one who really gets what i am doing is my mother in law. shes very proud of what i am trying to do. and she understands that i need to do this for me and my kids. that makes me feel good. cause my mom doesn't get it at all. she just keeps saying sell everything and d his butt. i will not allow that to contaminate me or what i am trying to do. i am staying strong.

heres an update
well had a rough day or 2 went to mc what a flop spent the whole time getting blamed for the things i did wrong. didn't tell me what i was doing wrong thought i should know. yeah right i'm a mind reader let me hang a shingle.just a bunch excuses to make him feel better about him self.

I hope that you are ok! Stay strong.