My wife just found out that I had an affair for the past six months. I don't know what to do? I don't want to loss her and our beautiful son. My mind cannot stop thinking of them. My wife took my son and move to oversea. I want to go over there and re-build our relationship, but my wife doesn't want me to go there and call her... What should I do?? She said she may not forgive me...

I have not been seeing the other woman for few weeks and she called my wife and told her everything. The other woman called me last night again and I told her I don't want to speak to her and hang up on her. I don't know whatelse is she going to tell my wife.

I just want to get my family back.

sysyip,
Have you told her your feelings and truely told her how sorry you are and how selfish,etc. Not only told her but shown her. I do not have any suggestions on the overseas thing. That puts you in a rough spot for plan A. But you could send her letters or go there.
Sorry I am not much help here but yours is truely a tough situation.
JE

JE,

I have told her how sorry I am and all I want to do is to save our marriage. I've tried to call her but she keeps hanging up on me. I am planning to go over there in next couple of days, but I am too scare of violating her space. She has told me that I should not call her or go over there to see them, but I cannot help to think and worry about her and my son. Will she be more upset if she see me there? Should I just go there subtly and let her know that I am around but without see me?

I went to see a Chunch's marriage counselor today and she was a great help. I decided to go over there on Friday and will try to see if she let me to see her and my son. I have nothing to lose. I know it is going to be hard for her but I just want her to know that I still care of her and be available for her. Unfortunately, I can only stay over there for few days 'coz I don't have much money left, and the air fare and the hotel cost so much...

The counselor suggested me to read PSALM 51 from the bible which I think it is so true how I feel right now. If you are one of the cheaters like me, I recommend you to read it.

Wish me luck... I know she is not ready to forgive me but no matter what I will try everything to win her trust and heart back...

I'm glad you are going there. If there is any chance of forgiving that will definitely help. I mean showing your commitment to make this work. If she does let you see her say you are sorry a million times and reassure your comitment and love and repentance. Be 100% truthful, lies hurt more than anything (I think).
Try reading some books to better understand how she feels so you can approach her better.
She might also need some time to clear her head and find peace with herself before she can consider forgiving you. So I recommend you hang in there for as long as it takes.
My humble advise.

Thanks for the advise.

I tried to talk to her again last night and told her how sorry I am and asked for her and GOD's forgiveness, but she thinks I just want to redeem my soul and has nothing to do for her. She wants me to do something that really hurt myself if I really want to salvage the marriage. I just don't know what to do beside of apologising and confessing my sins. She said she couldn't forgive her father left her mom and her many years ago, why she should forgive me and also she think all men who cheat before will cheat again.

I am still flying out today and don't have much hope that she will see me.

How can I reassure her my comitment to salvage our marriage? Any practical advise will be appreciate.

I am puzzled by this... what could she be asking of you that is too painful? What is it that is not worth a M?

Good for you for going there, and good for you for coming here... MBs is a great place to start. Good luck!

Hi all,

To TNT_RN: She wanted me to cut off my private part and confess all my sins to all our family and friends and ask for their forgiveness.

I arrived to Tokyo last night and went to their hotel 1st thing in the morning (I want to respect her space + I cannot afford too much, that's why I am staying at a cheap hotel), I woke her and our son up around 10am and told her I was at the hotel lobby. She said I didn't give her space, but she agreed to see me at the lobby. Our son came down with the maid first and able to hold my beautiful son for few minutes. I know he miss me a lot as well, which hurt even more and regret & shame even more. Then the maid took my son back to the room after breakfast.

I started off by apologise my sins again to her. She said she want to be along with our son for a while and I should be respect that. Then she told me if she never able to forgive her father and her ex for the last 15 years why do I think I will have the chance. She want to know a practical plan how do I want to salvage our marriage. I told her I will move to Tokyo and be available to them and support them, but she said I will not allow to stay with them. I quit my jobs and it is very difficult to rent a place in Japan if you do not have a validate visa to stay in Japan. She said I confessed to GOD on my sins is a good start for myself but not for her. I need to have a plan which can prove my comitment and sincere to salvage the marriage.

Right now, my mind is blank and except how sorry and regret to the BAD things I done to hurt my family. I don't know where to start except moving there (without money and place to stay)? Can any BS will advise me what I can do to prove to her? I know it takes time....

GOD... I want to die...

Although, my wife was willing to talk to me today, but I just found out from a relative tonight that my mom needs a heart bypass + they are suspecting her also has cancer. I just don't know how to handle all these things at once... My parents has been hiding this from me so that I can focus to get back with my wife, but now I don't know what to do. If I stay with my parents, then my wife may think that I am not sincere about salvage our marriage in 1st place. And if I stay in Japan then I am a BAD son. The operation requires a lot of money, I need to find a job soon to pay for the medical bill but that means that I cannot stay with my wife and my son.

What should I do????

I am so sorry for what all you are going through right now!!!

And, no, I think cutting of parts is a bad idea, but confession is good for the soul so I think that may be reasonable.

Since your W wants space can you not stay here a little while to see your mother through this and then go to Japan? I understand that family commitment is very important and maybe your wife will see that your commitment to your mother is strong and realize it can be to her too...

I am glad you got to see your son.

What do your parents want you to do? If you can get a better job here with less expenses it seems that it would be better to do that for awhile. Better for you now and better for you and working on your marriage in the future.

IS she with family there? How is she able to live and pay?

Let your prayers go to God and listen for the answer... you will go the right path.

Take care!!

Thanks again TNT_RN, for all your encouragment.

My wife makes more money than me and she is a high pay business executive, that is why she is living ok in Japan and her mom came over to Japan yesterday to stay with her for the next couple of months. Her sister & brother-in-law are also live in Japan.

My mom condition is not looking too good. The doctors & specialist cannot confirm her cancer (only one specialist did). It tooks 2 months endless scanning and medical tests and still doesn't have a solid answer from the doctors. My brothers and sisters are decided for her to fly to HK and seek better medical attention. The medical bill is going to be high.... I need to find a job soon but which means that I cannot be with my wife and son that often. Will she think that I am putting my priority to my parents before her?? Also I am worrying about my dad and he is hiding his emotion as well.

I called my wife last night and told her what happened, she just told me to go and help my mom see though this. My parents just want me to focus on getting back to my wife. I don't know who I should listen...

Last night, I was shaken and didn't sleep well. I decided that I need to be strong to help rest of the family to go though this. I decided to go back to HK and find a job immediately. As TNT_RN suggested, it is better for me to resolve my finanical situation and if my wife is still love or care about me, she should understand. Also once my financial situation improve, at least I can fly over to Japan to visit them more often, and I am not going to cool off my intention to salvage my marriage....

GOD, I wish I am the one who has cancer... I cannot bear to lose 3 most important people in my life...

You will get through this... one day at a time.

I am a nurse who works with cancer patients, it sucks, but there is a great deal of dignity and grace I see everyday and I think that is why I love what I do. No one wants to have cancer and no one wants to die, but think about the opportunities your mother is being given here... many of us don't always know when we are very sick....

Your W obviously knows how important this is... If you do not help your mother and you lose her soon you will always regret it. Take care of what you can there while still making sure your W knows how much you love her and want your M... It is entirely possible that she see all of this and want to be apart of your life again knowing how strong your commitments are.

You and yours are in my prayers!

TNT_RN: Thank you for your prayers and I hope GOD do forgive my sins, re-unite my family and most of all cure my mom's sickness. I know I am asking a lot from GOD as a sinner, but I am praying and have faith on him.

Today, I went to her hotel again and met with her mom and my son first. Then my wife came down for breakfast and of course totally ignore my present. Then the maid took my son back to the room so that we can talk. I first apologized to her mom-in-law and asked for her forgiveness. Her mom asked me what I am intending to do to salvage this marriage. I told her, I would like to come over asap, but now with my mom's situation. I need to find out more about my mom's condition and then my wife jumped in and told me to go back to Australia and help my mom. I explained to her that all the doctors cannot agreed on the type of cancer they found and pointing different directions on how to cure the cancer. So I told her that my mom will go back to HK next week and see if we can get a better doctor from HK. But my wife think we are stupid and think Australia has much better healthcare system... Anyway, I tested out the water by saying I need to find a job to pay the bill and my wife told me just find a job in HK and don't bother to come to Japan. Later she cool down and told me to help them buying a car and looks for school for my son. Well, I spent the whole afternoon with my wife and son looking for a new car which was great. I don't know if this is because my in-law is around but I can sense that she has cool down a little bit and at least allowing me to do things for her. However, my mom-in-law thinks that my W still want me to find a job in Japan and stay with them. It is very difficult for me, 'coz I don't speak the language and it may take months before I can find a job. Right now, I have couple of potential offers in HK (I haven't told my wife yet) which pay quite well and I need to start making money so that I am ready for the BIG medical bill. I don't know what I should do... I don't want to upset her...

Is she resentful that you are wanting to help your Mom? Or do you think she is just angry right now?

As a BW, I can tell you, it takes awhile to get to the point where you even like them anymore. It is hard when you are betrayed by someone who you love and trusted so much. Very hard! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Take your time, go slow and feel her out along the way. Continually show her you love her and want the M to work. Consistent and true work is what will speak to her the most.

Good Luck and God Bless, you are in my prayers.

I think she is still both angry and resentful. She and my mom doesn't get along too well, but my wife really repect my dad. As you said, it will take a long time and I need to be with my mom to help her see through this or I will regret this for the rest of my life...

Should I tell my W that I have couple of potential jobs opportunities in HK now or wait til I have an actual offer first??

No matter what I will come back to Japan in couple weeks time to help them to move into the new house.

If there is nothing definite, I'd say wait. Especially if this will upset her! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> No point in stirring the pot til you have to!

I think you will have to return to Japan as often as possible to reassure her that you are not giving up. It will take time and consistency, but you can do it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Just got back from Japan last night. I went and checked out the school for my son on Monday with my in-law and her driver. That night she called me up and started to shout at me on why I talked to the driver since she was nice enough to allow the driver to drive me around to look for school. All I did was asking the driver which area is the new house so that I know how far between the school to the house... But she was not listening and thinking that I just want to know where they are moving to. So I agreed not to talk to the driver, but then the school asked me where we are going to live and I couldn't tell the school. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Well, back to HK and saw the marriage counsel this morning. Her advise to me is that I try to move to Japan asap even without money or a place to stay. If I stay in HK, my W will not be happy and may become comfortable without me then she don't need me any more.... I tried to do most of the things that my wife asked me but not sure those things enough to deposit any credit to her love bank???

My mom situation is still the same but she doesn't want to me to go to Sydney yet until the report comes out. However she is resisting to see another specialist...

I am so frustrated not being able to do more & not able to please everyone... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

My mom's situation hasn't improve. She refused to seek for second option 'coz she too affair that she may upset the specialist & may refuse to treat her later... And this specialist decided to take a 2 weeks skiing trip without asking for any other doctor to standby or having mom to go though other tests...

I talked to my wife at least once a day but all around the things that she want me to get or do for her? I don't want her to think that I don't give her time and space, but I want to share with her that what is going though in my life... And I want to know what is going though her mind???

I just arrived to Sydney this morning. After understanding my mom situation better and at least got her to see other doctor to seek for second option....

In the meanwhile, eventhough my wife know my mom's situation, she has asked a lawyer to have me sign an agreement that she will able to keep her wealth and the gifts I gave her before and during our marriage even we may end up a D. It never comes up in my mind to share her wealth or take back any gifts I gave her. It hurted so much knowing she get a lawyer to ensure me to sign the agreement within one day without consider my frastruction with my mom situation. In the meanwhile she still want me to buy things for her apartments and our son. I called my wife before I left. I just want her to know that I will call once I arrive and return to Japan the week after to help her out on the moving and she is still the priority in my life. She told me that I should go to Sydney for my mom, but don't bother to call or go over Japan, until I have a practical plan for how to make her trust me again.

I know I did wrong in the 1st place and all I have been doing is trying to improve myself so I can be a better husband, father and son. I really don't know what plan I can give her so sure that she can trust me again... I am already doing everything she asked me... even sign an agreement that give up all our joint saving....

Can anyone help me???