Unless you are in da money....horses just seem to DRAIN the money right outa ya! LOL! Well, when your husband IS the trainer....AND the farrier AND the hay hauler and is just now recovering from major surgery due to a broken wrist/arm FROM a horse (not ours). It puts a crimp in some style.

It is of my opinion that he is suffering from some major depression. He doesnt have much interest in anything. He is now beginning to miss work. We were short 25 hours in pay last pay period because he cant seem to get up and going. A friend told me yesterday he needs some professional counseling. That even they cant help him in what he is going through. This friend felt that he is too closed off at this point for just "self help" books etc, (know what I mean?)

So now the issue is....where can we come up with the money for $100.00 sessions, 3x a week, to save his life? Because in all honesty, I think he unstable in an unhealthy way.

Ok,
yes the horses put us in debt. no we cant afford the expensive shoes/saddles etc. I work 15 hours a week, raise 5 children and go to school (lpn).

I think he is trying to "find himself" in his new way of looking at things. "I will drive my old pick up no matter the 2.30 per gal of gas, and even tho we have a vehicle (small car) that we CAN afford to drive. I will drive this pick up because its MINE." "I will keep all the money because I earned it" "I will buy these boots, even if the rent isnt paid becuase I EARNED it" this is the mentality behind him? (I am just repeating what he says). I dont know. it has been a year and a half, something has to give somewhere, and I am hoping it isnt him.(in a bad way)

Am I even making sense?

BS's.....is there anything I can do (more) to help him out of his little cave he has crawled into and hid? Or should i just "leave him alone"? I dont know.

any other suggestions?

the best advice i can give you from dealing with my h's depression for 8 years is just be supportive let him know that you are there for him if he needs you and continue to meet his en that will help the most.

ok---when i read this i hadnt realized you were the ww. yeah it matters to a degree....

has he always been like this or just since the affairs? i ask because he may not be totally depressed but maybe acting out his entitlement issues with spending rather than a affair himself. tell me if im off here...but i get the impression he has busted his [censored] supporting the family(you and 5 kids) and been faithful the whole time....and he's feeling this is the thanks i get for all ive done? is he depressed---he// yeah--all bs's are to a degree....the one we trusted our whole world and lives to purposely desroyed us. it takes years to get over that. i may be way off here, but i may not? let me know...

i just went back and read all your posts....you really need to start one thread and stick to it...it seems like whenever people start to post answers to you, you dont really respond much and move on to another post....but they all come back to the same thing...how do you fix him. the answer is simple....YOU DONT. in one of your posts you seemed(i say seemed because with typed words, not spoken, it could be misunderstood...)to trivialize your second affair...it meant nothing....well to a bs that is blatently saying i destroyed you for nothing. i threw it all away for nothing. i was way more important than you and so was nothing.....

i know you did intensive counseling, but there is still a touch of ornery left in you.....lol

bumping^^^^^^^