My H moved out two months ago, and does not have anyone YET, but is looking for his dream woman. He feels he has been chained and felt our marriage was a jail to him. He wants to be free from me and responsibility that is overwelming him. We have a two-year-old and he loves him but never had a patient to play with him alone for more than 10 minutes.

I still love him and wants him back, but he says there is no way. He is annoyed because he feels I am in his way, trying to make him feel guilty. I have been telling him that things can change and improve, but he does not want to go through that. His family has told him the same thing so many times but he just wouldn't listen.

One time he flipped and wanted to reconcile when I kicked him out, but that did not last too long. Then after he moved out, he got scared and called me at night to tell that he loves me and wants us back together. But then the very next day he told me that he just used me emotionally because he was having a panic attack in his empty apartment, and after speaking to me, he was able to go back to sleep. He said he would still not come back.

Since then, he got stronger (?) or meaner (?), and now does not say that he wants to come back. One time he sent me an email saying that he is not happy about the current situation but is very concerned to simply say "okay, let's get back together". So that email of course gave me some hope, but it did not mean anything.

I have been sending him letters/emails to tell him about my feelings for him and how both I and our child love him very much. He asked me to stop hanging in there because I am only hurting myself and the child.

But then he misses a company and calls his family up pretty much every weekend. He misses our son so much that he calls very often (or even every night) just to speak to him. Then why can't we work out our issues and stay together so that he can have his family back and does not feel lonely, and my son and I get our family member back? That would be the win-win situation, but he does not listen.

We faught a lot, especially after our son was born, and I nagged my H often because he is lazy. So I was not an angel, but at the same time H has a lot of personal issues, which were causing a lot of damage to our relationship.

But I do not want to focus on the past. I feel we can learn from the past and improve our relationship.

Is there any way I can get him back? Am I being too hopeful? Any helpful advice, please!!!

Here's some:

1. Have you read the MB principles, and tried to use them? Read all the articles on this site, and try to apply them.

2. If you really are interested in saving your marriage, you don't really belong on this board yet. The people here can give good advice too, don't get me wrong. But you'll get much better and prompter responses on the other boards. I would recommend either the EN board, or the GQII board. Granted, the GQII board is under "infidelity," so you may think it doesn't apply. But I think you could get some good help there. And it may apply more than you think, which brings me to 3.....

3. Are you sure he doesn't have anyone else yet? You haven't said much about what he claims the problems are, and your post didn't have much detail about what happened. But in general, when a spouse starts talking about needing freedom, there's a good chance that spouse is already in an affair. You need to look at this more. If you're SURE he isn't, why are you sure? Whether he is having an A or not affects some parts of how you handle the situation...you'll see that as you read more of the site.

4. Do you know what his emotional needs are? Again, you'll see more about that as you read more of the site. But this is a very important one. If you don't know what they are, it's unlikely you'll be able to make the corrections needed to meet those needs.

5. Calling, e-mailing, and writing about the relationship and trying to convince the spouse to give it another try is usually seen by the spouse as weak, clingy, and needy, and is generally very unattractive. It's more likely to turn him further away than it is to entice him back. Which moves right into....

6. You can't tell him you will change, you have to show him you have changed. To get to the point where you are now, I would suspect that you've gone through a number of rounds of you promising to change, and him seeing no change. So telling him won't do any good - he won't believe it. You have to show him by demonstrating it. Read about "Plan A" on this site. Even though it is directed at ending infidelity, it is appropriate for situations where needs have not been met for a long time as well.

7. Counseling. Have you two done any marital counseling? It is very important to do so. If he won't go, you can go by yourself. It's not ideal, but it's better than not going.

And that's probably enough for now. The only other advice I would give you - I am recommending you do head over to the other boards for advice. But when you do, don't overdo it. Start one thread, give as much detail as possible without being too wordy (yeah, a little hypocritical of me, I know), give additional details when people ask for them. And respond to all the people giving advice by name. People tend to be more helpful if they think you are actually listening. I only give this advice because I've seen a lot of new posters not follow the above guidelines, and then get frustrated when they don't get any responses.

Oh, and you might try and come up with a little more descriptive title. There is a lot to read here, a lot of posts, and a lot of people here may just skip over the thread if they don't know if they can actually help based on the title of the thread. Try something like "Husband has lost hope in our marriage - help please!"

Good luck!

Thank you for your advice. I had a technical problem and could not reply to you till now.

I feel like my situation is hopeless and thus came to this site but will try to look into EN or GQII.