I didn't follow plan A to the tee, I didn't know about it right away.
I exposed the A on Sunday, to my Dh's best wisest friend. A godly and wise man. Prior to this I had made the ultimatum that this stops or serious consequences would happen. I believe he has stopped what he was doing.
So Saturday was fine between DH and I, we went on a date. Sunday morning Dh went diving on a charter dive boat and then he never called me after getting of the boat. I never heard from him at all, so I did some checking to make sure he made it on and off the boat. Once I found out he was still alive, I relaxed some and stopped calling him.
I texted him a message about 9 saying "are you dead or something" as a lightweight thing to say, I took a benedryl and went to bed. About 11:30 he texted me back. and we started a discussion. He asked me who I called, he asked me what I did with his phone, he went on blaming and blaming, each answer I was able to answer well because it was by text. and because I have been working on my own problems for 6 weeks, and because I have confessed the idol in my life, (depression, wasting time and procrastinating and avoiding reality at all costs) I have accountability partners, I felt the sting was gone of his angry words.
I also wanted to know if he was coming home, and if he wasn't what I should tell the kids. He flung the blame there.
So finally I told him I was tired and going to bed. He wasn't done with me which was funny, usually its the other way around. I told him he knew where I stood (save the marriage) that I was tired and going to bed, he has a key. He came home about 20 min later. At that point I told him everybody I had told about his inappropriate activities. In the morning he got up had a few more words namely "Maybe I should have called your friends about your problem" and I said "Maybe you should have" and then left but came back about 2 hours later and spent time with the kids, we had a gathering for the 4th last night.
The tension is very thick here. He doesn't talk about anything openly. He hasn't admitted the seriousness of the situation, he seems to be in denial. Of course all this is like a knife to the heart.
So, now what do I do? I have been doing the caring for him, myself, and home since before I knew about the messaging. Do I continue to try to talk to him? I don't want to hit him over the head and guilt him, but boy I'm hot. Its not the same pouring it out in a journal as I could to him, if he would even be receptive. I now believe there are so many problems with our marriage it will take a miracle for us to fix.
I know if we do it together we can do it, but he's acting weird. and I'm sick of putting out all the effort. asking all the questions, offering all the conversation, I believe he did tell me he loved me first this morning.
Also, I found out he did talk with the guy I exposed him to. I am hoping its a good sign. He suggested I just leave him be for now that I don't hound him into the ground. But I will still continue checking discretely. Since he offers me no information on his daily activities I have to ask. and every time there is a doubt I worry.
this is the absolute hardest thing I have ever gone through. I'm not sure what to do next.
Do I made a demand for marriage counseling or do I wait until it softens up and keep suggesting it? I'm feeling like I'm obsessed and its uncomfortable but I don't know how to lighten up in this situation.
Assuming that things are over, hopefully it will soften up here. If things are not over, then it will probably continue badly. He's not one to apologize, ever really. He's also one to hold a grudge.
