Yes... I have copied the number. I would rather talk to my husband first... he would be upset about me even posting this forum to begin with. Thank you very much for the number. I am scared that they will find a way to send police to my house regardless of me wanting to talk to him first.

Would you feel comfortable calling this crisis hotline?

It's confidential.

Dobie

Okay... something I haven't said for a reason. We do practice BDSM. I know this sounds horribly bad but I really don't want that dragged into everything... he could pull me down with him.

Hey BR. I find your advice offensive and the kind of thing people say to people in crisis when they really haven't considered how their advice will destroy someone. I mean why should you care? Not your spouse right? And gee... we have to protect the children(the king sarcastic politician line). Why don't you stop tossing hand grenades and running off... because no matter what happens, you won't have to deal with ANY of the fallout for the crap your feeding her.

Figured I would be a stand-up guy and speak my mind on this one.

As far as telling the parents, if you find him completely of wrong-doing here, then that is up to you. What do you gain? the ability to smear him?

Get his side of the story. Be prepared for an ugly story. If it isn't then great. If it is, then sorry. be prepared. And you deal with this. If you need someone to help, for the love of god, find someone who is unbiased.

Not everyone you meet is Ted Bundy, you know.

Practicing BDSM is not illegal and has nothing to do with child porn. As long as it involves the two of you in your own bedroom. How can use this to drag you down with him?

I would also have concerns that someone viewing child-porn would also be more open to child molestation. It's not always a given, but the statistics are high that it will happen.

Where you can get non bias help. IT is a pastors duty to protect all of you. He is not there to pass judgement on you or your husband.

If you have not met his dad before now I would not call him. that is not a good relationship. You should have met him before now... the weddign the birth of his grandchild... do not call his dad.

If you feel comfortable calling your parents I would call the one that you feel is the most understanding....

As your parent they are going to want to protect you!!

I hope that wouldn't be related. Consensual activities between adults has nothing to do with child pornography.

I just thought that it could have a negative effect on how I am veiwed as an individual.

Chaster

I think you have to confront your H about your find, and brace yourself for his 'busted' whinge. " You had no right ! Its my private stuff ! blah blah !" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Then ask him why he has child pornography on his computer, and make sure he makes eye contact with you when he tells you without hesitation.

If he blinks, hesitates or won't make eye contact, he needs help.

I would not call the police yet. Just having that filth is his posession is a crime, but I think you need to give him a chance.

I downloaded my email before I flew to Switzerland a few weeks ago. I opened it on the airplane and to my embarassment there was some very graphic porn in a SPAM email I received. I hope my neighbour didn't see it !

That could have been child porn, and I wouldn't have been able to defend it.

Pete Townshend from the Who was busted with child porn on his computer, and his defence was he was dealing with childhood abuse. He got off with a warning IIRC.

I loathe child pornography - and I loath ethe people whi say "I'm no paedophile" when obviously some poor child was hurt in making the damned stuff.

But I also loathe a lynch mob.

Confront him Chasterwebb, gently but firmly and see what he says.

There are many possible ways to deal with his problome, if he has one other than the police.

All blessings.

Well that is consenting, and without victims

Okay... so I should have nothing to worry about when it comes to that then. Good.

I am going to try and talk to him when he gets home.

ok, this is really the last post.

Child molestation has nothing to do with this thread!
BDSM has absolutly nothing to do with this.
Chaster found Child Porn only! Lets deal with this and only this issue. forget all other stuff it is insignificant!!!

Help her deal with the emotions of finding this out. Don't fry the husband, we are past witch burning in this age!

Lets be supportive of Her, We are not here to judge for we do not know the people involved. It is not our duty to tell her what to do. That is up to her.

confronting is an option!
Professesional help is an option!
Police is an option!

Help her calm down to deal with it, not force her to our thoughts of dealing with it.

It is easy for us to deal, it does not involve us!!

CHASTER, just focus on the sich. What do you think is the best option for you?

Don't let people scare you into doing something you will regret or making a hasty choice.

Listen to your head, your gut, what is it telling you?

We are not counselors! some of us are bitter BS's or WS's, some of us are man haters/women haters.

We come here for support and ideas. We see Counselors for major issues.

Hope you find the strength to deal with this in the right way.

Let's say they are his, what actions do you plan to take?

First off... I know they are his because he would have disposed of them if they were not... like I said they are in plain sight.
I plan to talk with him when he gets home... let him know how I feel about him being around our daughter... and then I will ask him to go to some counseling. Talking to him first feels like my best option.

Ok, just so you know, if he goes to counseling, he cannot admit to having child porn, if he does, it more than likely has to be reported by the counselor. He would have to go only for the sexual addiction.

You might need to verify that, but I know it's true in my state.

Thank you for telling me that.

I just went through this entire thread and a here are a few comments I have.
Why do you think she is going to get her husband “fried” because she calls the police and tells them she found some disks? If they are his and he does not have a legit reason (such as he’s in law enforcement & this is an approved assignment), he is gonna fry himself.
Why do you think it’s better to be “safe” and try to find out what it is and in the meantime your neighbor could possibly be doing this to your child. After all, someone is doing it to someone’s child somewhere. Would this be worth preventing, especially when you have SOMETHING which could help?
Regardless of his reasons, the cops can and will use any and all information to help track down the sick individuals responsible for producing this crap.

Maybe this is just me - and I KNOW that child porn is wrong - but wouldn't you say calling the police on her husband is a tad harsh?
No, why is it harsh? If he is doing nothing wrong, he will have no problems.
If you were to find a bomb in your spouses car, would you wait to ask them about it before you called the police?

Besides, she could call and tell them she found this stuff and doesn’t know where it came from. Let the ploice ask the questions. She does not have to say it IS her husbands. I guess, technically, she does not really know this anyway.

i guess there aren't really any other reasons....i don't know, I just think that calling the police on someone who hasn't really done anything other than look at pictures is kind of harsh.
Then call the police because of what you found, no that I t might be your husbands.

I do realize that child porn is really sick, and hearing about it is pretty messed up - but I dunno, it just seems like putting anyone in jail for merely looking at something seems like a really harsh penalty to me. I realize there are probably other ramifications behind this but, in all honesty, its not like he's gone out and molested anyone.
Why would you say, “in all honesty, its not like he's gone out and molested anyone”?
How much have you studied this? Or is this just a WAG?

Also, “merely looking” at something may not be “as bad” as doing it, but someone, somewhere had to do it to get the pix first, correct? If there was no market (“merely” looking), it wouldn’t be around.


My feeling is you at least owe your husband the benefit of the doubt to explain why he has those discs. Yes, it is illegal...damaging...threatening etc. But before you call the law, confront him first. Explain why/how you came across them...and then wait and see what his response is.
And when he says, “I have no idea how they got there. John (*or whoever) was over here a few times and maybe he did it?”, what should her response to be?

You can never take it back after the first call. never!!
And you can never make that first call before this very moment, even if it would save a child from having this happen to them.

Please do not rush to this. The police will always be there.
And someone’s child will still be there, having this done to them.

Well, next time your wife is driving 60 in a 55, please turn off to the nearest police station and have them write her a citation.
So you are comparing a “victimless” crime to a crime with a victim?

I'm not even asking you to accuse your husband, I'm just saying call the police, say you found those disks, you put them in, say they had child porn and you wanted to surrender them. For all you know they were blanks given to your husband by someone else.
Exactly! I don’t think you should accuse your h. “Just the facts ma’am, just the facts.” (Such as” I found these disks in the drawer. I don’t know where they came from”).

Patriot, if you want to take me to task, go ahead - on another thread.

Also, as a recovering sexual addict, and knowing a lot of others who are, if the person is unwilling to admit the problem, take 100% responsibility for the problem, is willing to be held 100% accountable for the problem, the problem won't go away. It takes work on the part of the addict to change. It took me years to accept the problem, but once I did and started counseling, and therapy groups, and accountability groups, I'm a new person. You have to see that type of work in your husband to know a change is taking place.

Someone hiding adult porn as you said he does shows some of his addiction, and I think the fact he is hiding this child porn shows even a greater level that you don't know about. It will take him some hard work and probably a couple of years of counseling.