Are you and your daughter safe, Chaster?

I'm a latecomer to this topic, and it may be that Chaster is long gone. However, on the off chance that she returns...

I'm in favor of quick contact with any one of the professionals (psychiatrists, police, MarriageBuilders, or any of the hotlines) that were mentioned here.

Chaster, I, too, am a practitioner of BDSM. You're a submissive -- you said it somewhere before you said that you were into BDSM. I am too.

I am a bit older than you, though, and I've had a bit more experience coming out of closets than you have. I'm coming out of one right now, in fact, because I've never before mentioned BDSM on any of the marriage boards I post on.

It can be terrifying to speak about the innermost private workings of your life. I know that. I've lived it.

I've also found out the consequences of living a life that I couldn't be fully open about. They're very painful.

You have a whole pile of secrets to deal with right now. The shame and fear that you're feeling right now is completely understandable. It's humiliating and horrifying to consider having to tell someone (anyone) what's going on, particularly someone in authority like the police.

You're at an age where you're thinking you ought to be a grown-up and handle it yourself. Under most circumstances, that would be a really good thing to be thinking.

On top of that, you're used to obeying your husband.

It took me 15 years to learn that being a real grownup also means asking people who are even older and wiser than me (like, say, Pepperband or BrambleRose or BobPure) for help sometimes.

So... back to your situation. As with any community, there are some people in the lifestyle who are indeed abusive. They pass their abuse off as BDSM, and there are predators as well as perfectly nice people who happen to like whippings. I'd suggest that you look at this web site, which will help you figure out the differences between abuse and acceptable play.

http://www.io.com/~ambrosio/abuse/

If your husband is the sort of dominant who limits your access to the rest of the world (a warning sign), then please consider making the kind of backup plan that will get you out of a dangerous situation without his help.

If you're in contact with other people in the BDSM community, please confide in a couple of women that you trust. Whether they're Dommes or subs, there are many, many good, solid, kinky (but not criminal or crazy) people in the BDSM community. They'll understand where the boundaries are and where they are not, and they'll provide you support and understanding that you may not find elsewhere.

If you want to talk to me about anything further, please e-mail me at [email]JustJ_MB@yahoo.com.[/email]

I know my post may be too late as I see that Chaster has not posted recently, but I am hoping that she did confront him with her child in a safe place, and with someone knowing where and what she was doing to come to her aid if needed.
Child pornography is morally, socially, and legally wrong. No matter what anyone might just be looking at, in whatever context, no matter what. The bottom line is it is WRONG!!
No explanation will be able to justify that. If you get to a site on accident, you do no download the pictures. You almost puke, then get you rearend out of there as quick as humanly possible.
It is a crime from the start (people taking the pictures) to the end (people looking at them, copies of stuff, etc)
As a survivor a child abuse, pornograghy, incest.....I have a very one sided opinion. I did not do anything wrong, but have lived with that for my entire life. I used to think about the sick people that took fun at looking at little kids naked and in such weird positions. It never is just pictures either for all out there. It isnt!!
Chaster, your child need you to protect her. Yes people do molest infants. You took that on when you gave life to her, please remember that, you gave her life. You need to protect her and yourself, first and foremost.
As stated earlier, this is my one sided opinion.
JE

Hope you are doing OK Chaster!

~ Snow

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Chaster may not be able to post a response to any of this due to the technical issues the site has. Not sure, just a guess.

Chaster-if you're out there and want to respond, you'll have to re-register to post.

Take a look back at this folks....been a while since we've had a troll here.....look at the poster's name "Chaster" (as in chaste) "Web" as in Internet. The poster also discusses some pretty outrageous and frightening things....our our friends from the OW site playing with us again?

If it's legitimate, then she now has a multitude of suggestions to go by. If it's not, then that's okay... because there are TONS of lurkers out there who might need that information.

Having been in the situation where I turned my H in to the police for child porn possession, I can assure you that it is the ONLY thing to do. IT IS THE LAW! Let the professionals deal with it. The longer you keep yourself involved, the more likely you can be twisted into the wreckage.

Karen

Keep in mind that if she did report it (& they responded), then chances are, they took her computer for evidence.

A 20 year old "child/wife/mother" and a 32 year old "porn addict (of both adult and child)" who also subjects his 20 year old "sex object" to BDSM.

Just the sort of "marriage made of rationalizations and 'anything goes!'"

It's sad to read all of the rationalizations here.

Her HUSBAND had made his choices and consquences of those choices follow.

In all likelihood, her marriage of 1 year IS over, only the painful emotions of dealing with reality (not fantasy or "I wish it wasn't so...") are left to deal with.

This "man" is 32! He is NOT a child. He HAS established his addictions to perverted sex and has tried his best to get Chasterweb to "buy into" his perverted ideas of reality and "normalcy."

This young woman is headed for YEARS of pain and anguish. Since WHEN has ANY addiction been corrected or "conquered" by denial and enabling?

There are many parallels that we could address, but the PRIMARY issue right now is the POSSESSION of Child Pornography. This is a FELONY. For the moment, nevermind the issue of "fairness" to her husband or the likelihood that her marriage is over even though she (and we) wish it would be otherwise.

Her husband has willingly engaged in a CRIMINAL activity. He KNOWS that it is criminal if he lives in the United States. Those that argue for "tolerance" and "go slow" might as well sign onto the website of the slimeball that kidnapped Shasta and Dylan Groene. He advocates on his website that child molesters should NOT be prosecuted....how very convenient self-supporting of his "right" to commit his perversion on others.

Pedophiles rarely "recover." The recidivisim rate is very high.

Now you have Chasterwebb (a very YOUNG woman) married to a much older man (who can easily use his "age," "experience," and "knowledge" to confuse her and lead her "HIS way). There is NO apparant external "moral code" in operation here. It is simply "If I want it, do it!"

Heaven help us if anyone should make any "moral judgment!" "It's no one else's business what two consenting adults do."

Poppycock. Apply that logic to INFIDELITY, where two consenting adults agree to commit adultery regardless of what anyone else might "think about or 'judge' their choices and actions."

NO BS should moan about the hurt or harm because they agreed, as "adults," to do whatever they wanted to do regardless of who else might get hurt by their behavior.

Speeding? Give me a colossal break!!! There is a world of difference between someone driving 5 or 10 mph over the speed limit on an Interstate Highway or even in a residential area, and someone driving 50 mph over limit or choosing to drive DRUNK.

Laws are in place to protect society from people who "think" that they have the "right" to do whatever they want to do regardless of what anyone else thinks (they have no right to judge) and regardless of who might be harmed by their "right to choose" a destructive behavior.

As bad as ADULTERY is to most of us, it doesn't hold a candle, imho, to CHILD MOLESTATION, EXPLOITATION, and PORNOGRAPHY! It destroys the children forced into it, it affects children for the rest of their lives, and I DO "judge" those who participate in ANY form of it, as perverts, deviants, and in need of separation from the rest of society to protect society from their warped and twisted mental aberration that lets them think that it's "okay" in any way, shape, or form.

Chasterwebb - I know it's going to be difficult for you because all that you "thought" about "living happily ever after" is crumbling around you. Please know that marrying this man was a "mistake," but not one that you and your child have to "pay for" for the rest of your lives.

This is WAY beyond the ability of most of us to deal with, let alone a 20 year old. Chasterwebb, my youngest daughter is 20. Whether you choose to believe it or not, AGE does come into play in maturity and in decision making. When someone is in the middle of emotional trauma, as you are now, making RATIOANAL and SANE decisions is very difficult even IF one has the "advantage" of years of experience. It may seem like your world is crashing down around you and there is no way "out of the problem" except to allow your husband to lie (you plaintive cry that he would "never lie to you" is an indication that you are already in this mode) and "justify" and "plead that he'll never do it again" is sufficient for you to turn a blind eye to what he has already done and to enable him to continue what he is doing "undercover" and in "stealth mode."

There are currently two "innocents" in your situation. They are you and your daughter. But if you do not "do what is right and what is required by law," you may very well find that both you and your daugther will not be "innocent" for long. You may find both of yourselves drawn into this world of perversion and evil.

In the business world there is a phrase that applies to evalutating things we have "invested in" and have watched the results not turn out as we had hoped....it is...."Cut your losses." The idea here is to "get out" before it consumes you totally. It applies to you and your daughter.

If you don't trust the advice you are getting here, then trust the "advice" of professionals who deal with Pedophilia all the time. Trust the research done by professionals. Trust the LAW to have been put in place by rational adults seeking to protect others from the warped thinking of some who think "evil" is "good."

If you really don't know where to turn, then HIRE an attorney to represent you and advise you. The Attorney/Client privilege" makes your conversations with your lawyer confidential. But whatever you do...get OUTSIDE help immendiately.

That your husband is "into" Porn you already know, so your husband's "fidelity" to you is already known to be false. "FORSAKING (choosing to 'give up') ALL OTHERS for you is a choice that is integral to the institution of marriage. The use of Porn negates that part of the vow, so you already know he is NOT putting anyone (not you or anyone else) ahead of "himself." NOW you know that it extends to CHILDREN, who DO NOT have the ability to "choose" a life of sexual abuse. Act now. I am sorry that you are having to "grow up" so fast, but you must do so. Life is not always fair, but it does require us to make a choice to stand up for "right and good" or for "bad and evil." It doens't get much worse than pornography involving children.