FoxOr,
try and settle down. You are on the rollercoaster we have all either been on, or are still on. We all know exactly what you are going through. It is a mf'er. I know. But guess what? It gets better. Dont stop praying. But, pray for God's direction and the Holy Spirit to guide you. You are right. You cant do this alone. It is oh so tempting to pray for what we want when we are hurting. Pray for His will and His guidance. Remember, we get answers to prayers......1)yes or 2) not right now or 3) no. Pray also for the strength to accept His will.
A non-Christian friend told me during one of the dips in my coaster ride......"this too shall pass." And it will. Just be strong and faithful in the Lord. You will be fine. Do you have a pastor or a spiritual leader that you can counsel with? If so, try and set up a meeting. Pronto! Dont let the enemy win! The enemy puts doubt and fear into your mind. Know where these thoughts are coming from.

So then I just go back to school without her? I don't divorce her? Then she gets free school off of me - and I don't feel thats right if her heart isn't in this; what do I do about that? Okay; yeah I go back to school without her - but what about us?

Fox, I understand how you feel, and quite honestly I feel like a hypocrite right now. I also get joy and happiness from my wife, and for the longest time if she was down I would be down. But, you have to realize that you cannot make anyone else happy, sad, regretful, etc. And, no one else can do that for you; you are in control of yourself.

Unfortunately relationships (in my experience anyway) often go up and down with the couple meeting only briefly in the middle when they are at the same point in their relationship. It is not uncommon for a woman to want a family while a man doesn't; then a few months later BOOM they switch roles. That's what happens when you are trying to make someone else happy; you are trying to make her happy by changing the way you think & feel while she is doing the same. By the time you both convince yourselves that you really want what the other wants they have convinced themselves that what they really want is what you want; and you find yourself at opposite ends of the pendulum again...

That is why it is so important to FOCUS ON YOU right now. She is hurting, she is confused, she is angry, etc. You are not going to be able to convince her otherwise with words, it's going to take actions and time. I know this sucks, I know the guilt, the anger, the frustration and the desperation. But, YOU can make it through this IF YOU CHOOSE to.

Well how do I do that? I try to tell myself "Okay I'm going to be happy no matter what she does" but its not that simple - I can't.

I say, "She isn't worth all this hurt and pain - you deserve to be happy" but I still am sad - I can't FORCE myself to be happy.

omg the W just showed up at my house - gotta go.

STOP AND THINK. I know you are feeling emotional now, but listen to what you just said.

Can I infer from this that...
...your sad every time she is sad?
...your never happy unless she is?
...your never angry unless she is?

Fox, I have BEEN THERE. This is an UNHEALTHY DEPENDENCY.

Her admiration, happiness, being swept off her feet by you etc. makes you feel great. But it dang sure better NOT be the source of your happiness.

If you truly feel that way, you need to GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND GET YOUR HEAD SCREWED ON STRAIGHT.

As sure as I am sitting here, you WILL learn this lesson. God has a way of getting us where he wants us wether we want to go or not. The difficulty of the journey is dependent on our obedience to him.

I have heard the pain of your testimony. I have heard the background of your life and you have suffered more than most. More than me, for sure.

But I can also see as clear as day WHERE you are headed because I have been down that road.

Your marriage WILL NOT WORK until you come to the realization that your emotional state has NOTHING to do with hers. If you can't be happy being you, learn how to do that first.

Put on her shoes for minute. If SHE were tying her emotional state up so strongly in you, what kind of pressure would that put on YOU? Can you really blame her for being nervous?

I'm sorry. I'm all for marriages working. Lord knows I tried with mine. But I have to tell you, there is a HUGE difference in being happy FOR her and being happy BECAUSE of her.

This may sound painful, but I would stay in the school you are in, let her separate, and work on being happy FOR her. You want her to come back and trust? Get rid of the emotional strings. People like to be around happy people MUCH MORE than people who are trying so hard to make them happy. It is not GENUINE to be around people who martyr themselves to make others happy.

Want proof? Look at my marriage. One of the reasons it failed. And there are three kids involved in my separation.

Don't do that. Don't go down that road.

NCWalker

FoxOr,

Get a grip on yourself. You are acting and sounding like a child. No wonder she isn't attracted to you anymore. How can you expect her to love you if you don't even act as if you love yourself? Women are NOT attracted to men who come across as weak and wimpy. Women are not attracted to men who appear emotionally needy. As long as you keep feeling sorry for yourself you are heading in the wrong direction with her.

You talk as if your happiness rides or falls on her. I highly doubt any woman will CHOOSE to come back to a man who is all depressed and sad and unhappy all the time, and come back to a man who seems to be crying out to her,"please love me, please"..

I have read all of the threads you have written on and I must say that something just does not fit. I don't believe you have shared the WHOLE story. I think you are leaving something out or downplaying a big event that caused her to turn so suddenly. An online affair by you perhaps? porn addiction? How about maybe that you pushed her into that door in the bathroom a might bit harder than you are willing to admit? You did something that SHE SEES AND FEELS is a deal breaker. Women don't usually lose their feelings in a one year marriage so fast. It usually takes a major event for them to turn as she has.

I think you need to work on your low self esteem before you even think about getting her back. Women don't leave happy men. Women are attracted to happy men. Women are attracted to confident men. Women are attracted to men who have other interests, other friends and hobbies. She needs to see that you will be perfectly fine with or without her. You have much work to do on yourself.

Read the signature at the bottom of my thread and memorize those keys.They are keys that work. Plan A and Plan B are nothing more than wasted concepts if you don't follow the concepts of confidence, no pressure, being a happy person in the moment, and getting a life. If you REALLY examine the success stories on this site, you will find that the common thread is NOT Plan A or Plan B. The common thread was that the BS started to show the WS that they would get a life, and that they could be quite happy with or without them.