I was wondering if anyone had any advice on forgiving.
A little background information:
My husband and I have been married almost a year (1 yr on July 20th). We dated for 3 years before we got married. While we were a year and a half into dating my husband (then boyfriend) cheated on me with an ex-girlfriend (she lived in Michigan, we lived in South Carolina). I found out when I stopped by his house one day and found her sitting in the kitchen. She had no idea about me and told me that they had been dating about 4 weeks. I broke up with him that night. A few days later I was sent off to Basic Training for the Air Force. While in Basic my husband (then ex-boyfriend) decided to write me (he got the address from my dad). We ended up writing to each other and he let me know that he still really loved me and that he would never cheat on me again. He assured me that he had learned his lesson and that he had been very heartbroken about my breakup and missed me terribly. He asked me if I would like to try again. I first said no, but then a month later after phone conversations I decided to give it another try. I was in Texas at the time and he was in South Korea, so we didn’t see each other for another year. In 2003 I got stationed in Florida. My husband got orders to South Carolina, his follow on from Korea. We decided to get engaged since things were working out so well. In July 2004 we got married. In March 2005 we finally got orders to Idaho so that we could be together. Things have been wonderful ever since. About a month and a half ago I found out I was pregnant. I was/am having severe morning sickness (hyperemesis gravidarum) and was hospitalized for a week. I had a catheter placed in my arm so that I could receive a special solution in place of food (which I couldn't keep down). My husband has been taking amazing care of me. He helps me with everything and doesn’t complain. He prepares my solution, helps me take baths, helps me to the restroom and many, many other things. To me he has finally proven how much I mean to him and that he would never cheat on me again. We are very excited about our first child.
My problem is that I can’t seem to forgive what he has done. I love him with all my heart and know that he would never hurt me again, yet the thoughts of him cheating on me and the night that I met his “girlfriend” keep coming back to me. It haunts me. I know it’s in the past and it’s over, but why can’t I forgive? Can anyone give me advice on what to do?

I really appreciate posts like this. I will try and help if you can receive what I will say to you. First, you are pregnant; hormones are kinda wacky when your pregnant so those thoughts do seem to come up front. Feeling insecure while your pregnant is normal and that aids those thoughts even more. How to forgive? It is a choice. You've heard the saying forgive and forget? Unfortunatly it is not a part of our human processes that we can forget. What forgiveness means is to not hold it against the person who committed the offense. If he genuinly appologized and has committed his life to you in marriage and he is doing his absolute best to take care of you I'd say he is an alright guy. Now it's up to you to trust in God, and trust your husband and cast those thoughts out and if they come around again, don't entertain them or they will keep growing until they may be out of your control. If you love him with all of your heart as you said then you will have no problem forgiving him. Let the Lord be your strength.

Bless you,
Da REv
Life Enricher

Sometimes you have to just keep saying it to yourself. It's over, it's done with, I've forgiven him, it's in the past...

And it also takes time for the wound to heal. Just because you forgive somebody doesn't mean that everything is hunky-dory. It takes time and effort and a restoration of trust.

You can read Dr. H's stuff on recovering from infidelity which has much good info on this topic and addresses much of what you talk about.

LE's post about hormones can certainly play a part as well.

Thank you both for the advice, it realy helps!