Froz, I am certainly not Pep and do not claim to be nearly as experienced or wise as she but I am concerned and wanted to reach out to you. You posted this to Pep on another thread Would you like someone to talk to?

This is very sincere. Pep and many others on this board have helped me many, many times and I would like to pay it forward if I can.

You have no idea how alone I feel.

I don't know if it is safe to talk, though. Every time I open my mouth (type), I seem to get attacked.

Thanks for caring.

Thank you FF. That you even thought to say this is a blessing to me.

Thank you.

You know...I'm of the opinion that sarcasm has NO PLACE in a marriage whatsoever. It's never constructive, only intended to ridicule or hurt.

Why not TALK about the problem...or post about it here...rather than make snide remarks back and forth to each other?

Sorry, I'm sure that what I just said is bound to offend, but it just reminds me of watching a room of sixth grade kids.

How about stop attacking each other, and start addressing the problems?

Froz, you can email if you want. Killnme2004-mb@yahoo.com or just go ahead and post. The best thing to do is ignore the attacks IMHO.

((((HUGS)))) froz

You and Pat have always been in my thoughts and prayers and we (sprint and I) are always here to talk with you guys still.

Who was being sarcastic?

See what I mean, guys?

Froz, I think for the most part it is misunderstandings. So hard when you can't hear the tone or see the face of the person. Just weed out the stuff that doesn't apply.

60% of communication is body language, 30% is tone, which leaves only 10% for words...you would think words were more important?

Could you possibly be taking things too personally?

Susan

As a person personally who reacts emotionally - some of what you guys are saying is easier said than done. And if you are telling someone how they need to act, instead maybe show them ways they can help communicate.

Sprint and I have realized we are BOTH very guilty of saying the first thing that comes to mind when we are hurt and hurting eachother. This is not an easy thing to stop doing, as much as people have tried to tell us it is...as our pesonalities are like that.

And maybe Pat and Frox aare like that - but I think instead of critizing, maybe point them somewhere to a technique or a way for them to learn these things.

I know from previous posts when gimble and ncwalker pointed out a way for them to work on things instead of saying how they werent they did take it to heart and learn from it.

Figuring out how to change is the hardest part, and when people tell you how it should be instead of working with what they have as persons, the message and help gets lost.

I am sure Froz and Pat realize they have lots to learn, but telling them how it should be might not be the way to help.

Just my 2 cents <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, Susan, I used to take it personally, yes. Now I guess I just find it more annoying or maybe pointless because so much energy is spent defending myself. I don't have the energy to spend on that. I need it for other things.

Half the time, the person who made the judgement, misunderstanding, or snide comment doesn't even realize the direction they have taken a post since they don't even bother to come back and answer questions. They simply throw in their grenade and move along. Yet others quickly jump on their bandwagon. It just gets old. It makes me afraid to say anything. Things already suck enough without that factor.

I miss the days when I felt MB was someplace I could run to, instead of someplace I needed to run from. I miss the days when I could learn from someone else's experiences, thoughts, or ideas instead of having to be so guarded all the time, fending off attacks.

Froz, maybe you are automatically *assuming* you are being attacked. I am thinking specifically of a question asked of you in which it was glaringly obvious the poster had not read your post on the page prior. They asked a legitimate question hoping to get you to place yourself in someone else's shoes. They didn't realize you HAD been in somewhat the same shoes already. (I'm sorry for that! {{Froz}} It was one of those things that in real life the person would have apologized profusely but due to the quick moving nature of the thread in question, it may have just escaped notice. Maybe there is something else you are refering to that I missed, but that particular thing stood out to me.

You are a sweetie, I have been impressed with your generosity in sharing in the past. I hate to see you feel this way, maybe a little thicker skin would help? The forums are kind of a good place to learn, there is always someone who plays the "contrarian". Plus your H is right there to defend you, you guys are cute together. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> KB

Froz, have you seen the book Safe Haven Marriage? Our MC gave me her copy and it may be really helpful for you and Pat. I personally just ignore the stuff I think are misunderstandings of how I communicate and try to instead get the good stuff from the site. I have learned so much here and have finally started to no CA and have my self esteem back.

Why waste your breath defending yourself?

I haven't read that one.

What is CA?

As far as wasting my breath, point taken - and good advice. It's a little easier said than done for me sometimes, but I will make every attempt.

CA is conflict avoider. Check this out http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/det...ks&n=507846

I read the table of contents and the first chapter. It sounds very interesting. I will order and read it. Seems I have a stockpile of literature that I can never catch up on.

It sounds like a good book. However, this situation seems pretty hopeless. I am sure I would gain something from reading it, though.

Thank you for the recommendation. I really do appreciate it.

knewbetter,

I'm sorry. I didn't see your post until just now.

I know the situation you are referring to. I didn't feel the desire to clarify my position for her, but I will for you since you broached the subject.

KA made the suggestion to me that I go back and read her post on the original thread to Chasten. I did so.

I made the suggestion to her that she do the same...go back and read my post to Chasten. She obviously chose not to do so before posting a reply to me. She then went on to suggest that perhaps Patriot was the person who molested my daughter, and that because I SO OBVIOUSLY was in support of someone who had possession of child pornography (not true at all), I may have been "groomed to protect the perp".

She also suggested that perhaps the "mother in me" (MOTHER IN ME??? There is no MOTHER IN ME - I AM a mother. It's pratically all I've known. I've been a mother my adult life and part of my childhood) rose to the occassion and "slapped the perp's fanny in jail".

Sure, you can't determine tone of voice definitively from script...but I'm not a complete idiot. There was obvious sarcasm there.

The truth: Oh, how I would love that sick *&*#$%$'s fanny in jail right now and forever more. Unfortunately, our legal system is designed in such a fashion that it very often doesn't protect children from this crime.

The perp in my situation was not even charged and remains free to live his life how he sees fit, which at the moment is living with a girl much, much younger than himself who recently bore his child...a baby girl, as luck would have it.

I, however, was left to pick up the pieces of the damage he caused by his sick actions. I was the one who spent nights forcing my daughter to sleep in bed with me because I was terrified that if I let her out of my sight, she would committ suicide. I am the one left to grieve for my beautiful daughter's innocence and deal with the enormous guilt for ever bringing this ***** into her life.

KA then replied to me:


Where did I post to protect a perp and give him time? I simply stated that Chasten should weigh her options and consider the consequences. It was she and her child that I was considering protecting.

So it gives KA pause, as if to suggest that I would protect a perp? My whole life changed in that moment when my daughter told me what she did. Both of my children were out of that house within ten minutes, and I was in such shock I didn't even know what the heck was going on. Neither of my children ever saw him again.

This example is precisely what I mean about people stepping into a thread and tossing out a grenade...not stopping to think how what they are saying could possibly affect someone else.

I brought my situation to KA's attention twice. Once when I responded to her suggesting that she read my original post, and then again after her comments. No apology followed, nor do I require one from her. I don't care what she thinks. She didn't know the full situation, but perhaps she should have informed herself before firing off such judgemental and insulting comments. Intead, she actually accused me of insulting her.

So I did what others on this thread suggested, and I chose not to participate in that discussion any further. I then blew it off.

Thank you for saying that I am sweet, and your opinion that I have been generous in sharing with others. That was very kind of you to say.

As for growing a thicker skin...I have checked into trasplants. As far as I know, medical science doesn't have this to offer, as of yet. As soon as they do, I'll be the first in line.

for the record, my remark was not sarcastic. I truly feel blessed that someone would reach out to my wife.

I believe we all could use a friend that cares. One that picks us back up. One we can talk to.

That FF offered such a thing is a greater gift than paying off all my debt, at this point. So, my thank you was sincere.

not sarcastic

Heck, Patriot...I thought owl was saying I was the one being sarcastic when I told FF thanks for caring.

I wasn't being sarcastic...I was being immensely grateful.

Who knows who owl was referring to - seems not to have stuck around to clarify.