I feel like I'm on a rollar coaster... my moods go up and down. Separated from husband since Dec. Tried to spend a nice weekend with him, his brother and baby at the family cabin. Mostly it was ok, but he started doing the usual - control freak stuff. Little things. Cutting me down. It pushes my buttons and then I get explosive. Brother said he's not anal, he's practical and it's a "quirk." But it hurts, to have someone following you around constantly telling you that whatever little thing you do isn't good enough. I really wanted to try again, I don't know why as we've been through too much anyways. The weekend was an example that nothing has changed. He showed up late as always. Woke up the next day, I asked him to watch the baby an hour as I would take a break - hes' seen his child less then 10 times since Dec. Of course he whined, what about me, the usual baby stuff. It's him, him, him, selfishness beyond belief, always is. You'd think if he went on and on over the phone for months with me saying he'd help with the baby, we wouldn't fight, he'd make an effort to show over the weekend - that he wouldn't constantly drip at me, that he'd watch the baby without me "telling him" I'm leaving for an hour and then complaining about it. I'm just so sick of this, I set myself up for this, get my hopes up. I realize I have to divorce him it's hard with a child. Our fighting led to domestic violence a number of times in our four year marriage. It's unacceptable, and I'll admit it's partly my fault. He pushes, I push buttons and I just lose it verbally in the end, then he physically has pushed me, grabbed me to "shut me up" as he says. I have a temper, it's not just him, but life has been so insane lately. My dad died last month, my great aunt this one, a year ago I moved, had a baby, my husband was unemployed. Now he lost another job last week and he wanted to move to my town and "do nothing." Yes, he said it a number of times, good my business is going well as I'll have to support "our family." He's lost three jobs now in five years, laid off. Of course his nitpicking doesn't just happen at home. Somehow on one hand I feel sorry for him, sad way to live, controlling others and pretending to be important by big jobs and materialism instead of real character. Hes' going to dv classes and a counselor. He said today the counselor said I'm using the baby as a pawn, I was so angry I yelled at him. Bull. He hasn't given me money in seven months, hasn't ever taken care of his baby even one weekend, hasn't met me on time when he has seen him an hour or two, he's never driven here five hours away as it's not "convenient" for him to do so, really... I have thought he'd want to share the baby, he's proven he doesn't. It's my "job" as he said when I lived with him, he wouldn't even give me an hour break when we were together with his child. How can two people have a baby, two careers and it be my "job" to raise my son. Fine, if this is the way it is, my best friend says I should move anywhere I want to live. I told him this week I'd move to be near where he is. My lease is expiring and I have to make a decision anyways as I have a slumlord and I have to go in the next few weeks. Why is life so unfair? All of this going on and I have to concentrate on my business too as it's how I make a living and a good one. Of course he'll try to take that from me too, he says in a divorce he'll say he "helped me" and rarely did he ever even when I was exhuasted - baby, dying dad, business, he let me do it all, sat in the basement watching sports and drinking beer while I got up in the middle of the night to work while the baby slept. I'm just so mad, don't know what to do, where to move, how to get on with my life... at least I need to figure out a town to live in and where to move. I do most of my business online so it doesn't matter, I just lost my spirit and I really don't care anymore... I really don't. I used to be young, so full of life, traveled, made money. Now I'm 37, a crappy apartment and nothing to my name. Except I love my boy. Sorry to whine.

Horsey, are you breathing? At all? Take some breaths.

What you need is a little bit of a reality check because you're exhuasted and you're pissed this man has played you. Or that's what I'm guessing. And boy, I don't blame you a bit.

First off, you'll feel young again. I do, and I'm a year older. 'Course I was throwing up when I was going to MC in January, but there you have it.

Next, when you said you'd move "near him" about whom were you speaking? Your friend or your STBXJA? You are NOT going to move anywhere near your STBXJA because he's already told you that he'll mooch off you. So, you'd be taking care of baby, home, business and STBXJA while STBXJA "does nothing."

Since Baba isn't here, I'll fill in. If you let him anywhere near your apartment, I'll come beat him and you with a 2X4.

Next, you need a shark-like attorney. What you want is an attorney who's going to protect your business.

You also need to file for child support. In PA you do it at Health and Human Services. It's a formula, and in most states is based on "potential" income, and some states factor in percentage of custody.

I'm sorry about your dad and great aunt. "So much death." Luckily, you are stronger than Blanche DuBois and you won't have to depend on the kindness of strangers.

PS, don't listen to your brother-in-law. He's making excuses for his brother.

Says who...

But I agree abotu the 2x4.

Yeah, me too.

So, you're healthy? Baby's healthy? You have a friend? You have income? Then, you are ahead of some people.

If working on the marriage is a 'no can do' thing - and it sounds like it is from your husband's POV but I don't have his word for that, talk to Child Support Services in your state. They are probably in the government listings in your telephone book. If not, contact your public library's reference librarian. They will probably have an office in your county seat. Get the mandatory support for the baby started. Then contact the attorney. Get a good one. This is not a place to scrimp. Remember, divorce is not fair. You will not get everything you want.

Then you may want to contact a counselor or your county's mental health program if you have trouble dealing with all this stuff. Don't be ashamed. You've lost two loved ones and your marriage is falling apart. You are exhausted caring for a very young child. If you need help dealing with mental or emotional health issues through this it would be perfectly normal and expected.

OK?