Today was not such a good day. As my H is out wherever tonight, I am hanging with my 6 month old son. However when he goes to bed, the loneliness will kick in. Any advice??

I have no advice but know how you feel. I feel that way too! And I have 3 kids!! Maybe watch a good movie or read a good book. That is what I do. I also surf the web and this site!

{{{{{cancergirl}}}}

Thanks, I am trying to stay positive, but its just so hard. I am doing everything to save this marriage and he wants no part. I am just ready to give up

cancergirl; i'm in the exact same position - only I'm the husband and my W is the one who wants nothing to do with our relationship.

Life is really tough; I find myself wanting to give up constantly - stick in there and stay strong. if you need someone to talk to about these things you can talk to me.

God bless-

A

Hugs to you cancergirl. And to you too Fox. Fox, I feel for you because you two are so young. I wish I had more advice or comments for you Fox but I am a 34 year old old lady LOL and when I was your age I was working in retail management and travelling all over the place and in no way ready for marriage. But, apparently I was not ready at 25 either since until now I didn't have a freakin clue how to even be in a healthy relationship. I will say that for you to be so young and be here on this board and all the information you have available to you here, you will be able to be in a relationship in a healthy way starting young. I wish I had had this board BEFORE I got married, or when I first got married, it would have helped a lot. Be patient Fox, is all I can say. Hang on and keep doing what you are doing. Your wife isn't even 20 yet and part of ths issues just may be how young she is. I am not in any way trying to be insulting when I say you two are barely adults. I really think your situation is just going to involve patience and commitment on your part and her seeing what you are doing consistently. Take it slow. I feel for ya sweetie.

Cancergirl: The nights are the absolute hardest for me. My H is not having an A anymore, not for several months. But, we have slept separate for 2 years now (long story) and ever since I found out about the PA he had last fall, however short of one it was, in the quiet of night in my room I sometimes have these horrible thoughts of them together. And it is hard to sleep. I have had to start taking sleep aids sometimes. I watch tv in my room and then just sleep. My H works at night and isn't home til around 11 so I am usually asleep by then. But he is on vaca this week coming up and after kids go to bed I would like to sit up and watch a movie or something with him but he will usually go over to his friends house and hang out. We are in early recovery and I am pretty much the only one working on it right now. My H isn't sure he wants to stay together yet. He needs to see consistency in my changes before he is going to let any of his walls down and believe the changes are permanent. So, it's not like he wants to cozy up on the couch with me and watch tv or anything. And I hate that. But it's only been a month or so of the changes and working on things so I must be patient. I just hate all of this. I haven't had to deal with being home while my H was actively in an A, when it happened I had no idea it was going on. Hugs to you cancergirl, this has got to be hard. Read books like the Harly's books ( I have ordered them and am waiting for them to come in), come to the boards and post, watch tv, and if you have a hard time sleeping maybe get a sleep aid. I know when I take them I sleep very very sound and I don't have any dreams I remember. At first the dreams I had were terrible! H and her together, etc, very hard. It is getting better. In fact I have been having dreams of us working things out! Are you going to go to IC??? When I went that helped tremendously. Keep as busy as you can and keep improving yourself and don't just sit and dwell and pine for him. It is no good for you. mlhb

Awww...I had a nursing baby when my XWH and I separated. She was like permanently attached to me, so at night, cuddling with her helped me a lot....too bad she's 3 and I'm still struggling to get her out of my bed! lol

It might help to watch some silly reality shows or something, anything that might make you laugh. Sometimes reading about marriages and watching movies that often have triggers can get to be a little too much and we just need a break. Of course, do all that other stuff too - just try to take a light-hearted break now and then.

Oh and wear tyourself out physically as much as you can so you just pass out as soon as you head hits the pillow...

(((cancergirl)))

Thank you so much everyone. I totally feel a little better. Fox I think you and I can be really good friends since our sitations are similar and we're both young!!! Lets keep in touch ok.
To all thanks again

C-girl, it's really hard being a BS. It's been over 6 months for me now and I'm still lonely. I yearn for an adult to talk to, turn to, be held by. To be realistic, what I got back from WH wasn't all I wanted either but every little bit helps.

I also urge you and Fox to be careful. Many people on this board feel that any kind of 1-on-1 relationship with someone of the other sex who is not your spouse is detrimental to marriages. As we know, close contact with someone who is not your spouse is how a lot of affairs start. Don't want to preach, but if you are serious about attempting to rebuild your marriage, you need to think about this. Not that we don't like the people here and respect their advice. And it isn't always easy to tell who is female or male. There are probably other people who are concerned too.

Enjoy your sweet baby. Go to the library and check out some good books and videos. If you need some suggests, I'm sure everybody could pitch in with their favorites.

(((((((C-girl))))))))) from grapegirl

Cancergirl,

Boy do I know how you are feeling. Make a commitment to take care of yourself. Read books on grieving, relationships, stress. Go out and exercise, take in a movie, go to the park. It is sooo hard but you have to force yourself to do these things.

Also, when you feel like crying, don't hold it back. Find a good trusting friend to have a shoulder to cry on or just find a private place and let it out.

It gets better, believe me, the pain subsides. I thought I would never say that but it does!

Keith

Hi CancerGirl,

Yes I've been there too. I think we all have as a BS, and many of us for quite a while even within our marriage. I think I was at my loneliest about 6 months before my W's A. Even a year later I'd say I still miss female companionship although I wouldn't say I am lonely anymore. I guess I've become used to it, or filled the void with other things. At any rate you do eventually emotionally detach and it does get less painful over time.

As hard as it may be try to put your WS out of your mind and focus your energy on your daughter and yourself and things you like to do. Being an attractive person to yourself, makes you an attractive person to others.

Don't forget your friends and family and spend time with them and be the best friend and family member you can. These things pay off huge.

I also recommend getting involved in some sort of physical activity. It always made me feel better about myself (and still does!). A divorce support group also worked wonders for me.

Hang in there and know that we are here to help you however we can. Keep on posting!

Cheers,

Miker

Cancergirl,

I have no problem talking to you - and meeting new friends is always a good thing; however, much like grapegirl mentioned - be careful!

I have no objections talking to you on this forum; but I'd feel a ton more comfortable keeping it on the forums. I'm not trying to be rude or anything of that nature; just safe. Don't want to send my DW the wrong messages.

Have a great evening! Keep your chin up.

God bless!

-A