By the way, what does "conflicted" mean? I have been seperated for 1.5 yrs, and divorced since mid may, just recently my ex told me he is conflicted.

We were in a unusual situation recently where I had to stay at his house for 2.5 weeks, and he broke down several times telling me that he will love me forever. We did sleep together 6x also which I regret entirely at this point because he was obviously not that conflicted, he moved me back to my home town 10.5 hrs away just a few days ago.

Long story short, he had the attorney took custody of our 3 children.

It's been a tough road because we were married 13 yrs, it's not like we had a flash in the pan relationship. I am still suffering after a year and a half with still loving him, I don't know that it will ever end. Divorce should be a wake up call but him telling me these things only confuse me more.

Could somebody please give me some advise.
Thank you. [i][/i]

my wife and I divorced after 15yrs. She got pregnant from the affair. I tried to work things out and stay married but she said that it is to complicated now. you know having to share the baby with another family and since her boyfriend is living with and my kids now. My wife became even more confused after the divorce. she still loves me but did not think it would work. She is coming out of her fog and is now remembering all the good times and the connection we have and still do. BUT i think her confusion comes from--still loving me, not wnating to let go of what we had, thinking I can not totally forgive her, wanting her old life back, guilt from tha affair and breaking up our home, and many other things that come along with this kind of stuff. We were separated for 1 year before the divorce. NOW the other day I was talking to her and she said something about us getting back together some day. I said i feel you want me to wait for you until you get your life staightened out. She said yes but it is not fair to me. So I just give her space and do not hold on to that because I held on for 1 year until divorce. She does not want to loose me completely. Have her cake and eat it to kind of thing. Do not hold on to what he says. It is like keeping you on a string. Appear you are moving on with your life and when he sees that it may make him straighten up. The guilt he has and all the emotions that come along with that is hard for him to figure out. Do not have sex with him it is like feeding a stray dog. Sex is less emotional for a man. We do not have to like or care for anyone to do it.If he can get it from you why should he change. It is hard to move on and I can feel your pain it is a terrible thing to go through. sometimes i wish i would just die to stop the pain. I hope this clarifies some of it. When people cheat they literally change who they are to cope. Take what he says with a grain of salt and do not totally believe what he says until you start seeing real change. Hang in there it gets better it really does. I did not think it would. I did not loose custody I have joint. I am sorry for that. This web site can help.

Brokenwings2:

I don't understand it any more then you do. It's all just a bit too much for me.

I did get some advise from Bellevue that I think you would benefit from.

From Bellevue:

Yesterday I leafed through a book in Borders. Forgot the title, but it was about the scripts cheating husbands use when getting out of their marriages. I'll try to get the title. Anyway, one of the chapters dealt with "sitting down to talk." Don't sit down to talk to him. Just don't. It's easier to be persuaded of something when you are sitting than when you are standing.

My STBX didn't use the word conflicted but, he did say he had all these feelings he needed to consider before signing the divorce papers.

Can you believe him? He left me to go with the OW she's now pregnant and he's talking to me about how he has all these feelings he needs to consider.

Hello, he was the one who filed for divorce! Unbelievable!!!

Hope some of this helps you.

Only

Thankyou onlyoneme, and SwimmingAlone.

I'm sorry for both of your pain as well. Unfortunately, I am on the other side of both your ex spouses. I was the Wayward spouse. When I told my xh everything there was nothing going on, I told the op to leave me alone several months before that.

I never had a relationship with the op, as a matter of fact we only saw eachother every 3 to 6 months. It was only the need to feel like somebody wanted me. I am not trying to make excuses. Not a lot of people understand or should understand what I did, all I can tell is the truth as I know it. That has been 2 yrs ago.

I was stupid, thought we had enough love to deal with what was at hand. I thought he'd consider forgiving me but he didn't. Believe it or not I did love him and still do, hopefull I can start healing a little from this. I'm not 100 percent sure anymore that my xh is not using all of this as an excuse, it has been so ugly with so much going on with the seperation and now divorce it stopped making any sense.

I tried saving my marriage. I cannot concieve of anybody being the deceiver and then turning around and leaving too. It was a God sent to them that either of you was only willing to still work through the mountains it would have taken to get back on track. I commend you both for that. I'm also very impressed with the amount of men on this site that are willing to forgive, or at least make a fighting effort to try and save their marriages. My xh's pride was too large and too in the way for him to be able to see anything else.

Again Thank you for your responses.