Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424 |
I seem to be hearing this one a lot lately, and thought it would be interesting to see what really happens when the affair is exposed to an OW's reportedly abusive husband.
This is NOT to make light of true abusive relationships. I'd just like some feedback on our experiences so we can better guide BS's in the future about exposure.
Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,743
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,743 |
This is not that cut and dry, there are many ways a spouse can be abusive, verbally, emotionally, and physically. These options that you have offered are not good, and besides lets say that 80% say they acted like a "normal BS" and we share that information, so the WS feels okay with sharing, and they are one of the unfortunent 20% that gets abused. With abusive people you can not lump them together, peoples triggers are all different.
KMEJ
3 beautiful sons,and 1 beautiful daughter!
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me....
I guess it is shame on me.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424 |
To be blunt, I wouldn't care if the OW got verbally abused after exposure.
I'm just really tired if hearing "she's abused" as the excuse for why the BS can't expose. Should that statement provide a "get out of exposure free" card automatically? I want to know what really happens. I was in a marriage where physical abuse started and the last thing on my mind was inviting yet another man into my life at that time. It seems impossible to me that so many of the OW are in such dangerous marriages.
That's why I'm trying to get a feel for what really happens.
Dobie
Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121 |
Dobie, How about adding----- OWH wasn't suprised, had been through this before and didn't seem to care! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Unfortunately that's the response I got!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,743
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,743 |
dobie- I am not saying there is justicication for the A- I am just saying there are other forms of abuse that classify the relationship abusive.
KMEJ
3 beautiful sons,and 1 beautiful daughter!
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me....
I guess it is shame on me.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 4,424 |
There are other forms of abuse, but your average BS isn't too concerned that the OW's husband will be mentally cruel to her after exposure. The implied (or blatant) threat to the wife is the OW's safety. If you expose the affair, you'll get poor abused OW killed or maimed. I've just never heard of this actually happening to the OW on this board, so I've assumed it's usually a line of baloney. I know of several BS's on MB who have been physically abused when they confront their own WS, but I just don't hear of the OW being injured on this forum.
Dobie
Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
1,320
guests, and
100
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,032
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
|
|
