Hello,
I am very confused today. Had MC session yesterday and I ended up feeling pretty bad when I left. My Dday was March05, W had a 6 month PA with a coworker.
In our MC session yesterday, W brought up that Monday I had asked for some A detail questions such as locations and what was done, and when (which by the way, her and I scheduled this days in advanced and she knew it was because I had some A questions). This is where things kind of started to get ugly in the session. I was asked by the councellor why did I need to ask the questions. What purpose does it serve. When will it stop. Told me that if I get an answer to one question it will bring up another and another and another...so it serves no purpose to ask because they will never stop. Then he gave an example "if she tells, you they did it in an elevator, are you going going to ask was the elevator going up? going down? was protection used? were there other people?" and I replied "that if I find those are questions I need answers to, yes I will ask them." I said that "I know that for me this is stuff I need to know. Once I get the answer to the question I have it leaves my mind and and I am able to move on. If another comes up then (as I do with all my questions) I will weigh it's value whether it is something that I really need answered and serves a purpose or is done just to be spiteful. I know eventually it will have to stop but I'm not there yet." He asked "how will you know?" I answered "I don't know." He said "the A will never make sense to you, nor will you ever understand it no matter how many questions you ask."
He kept asking me "why?", "why?" drilling me and every answer I came up with he just responded "you still haven't convinced me that asking your questions is of any benefit." I said "I will not back down on my need to ask my questions and nor will I ignore them." Then he said "I think you ask these questions to keep the A alive." I said "No I need them answered so I can move forward and leave it behind." For 35 minutes this went on and I will say I felt like I was being attacked for asking my questions. My wife started crying, he stopped and asked why she was crying and she replied "because fG was angry."
Is this what MC is like? When the A is brought up by me he responds "it was a horrible thing that was done but we have to look at your role that in what was an unhappy marriage?" I understand this, but from my view it's like I had this big spear thrust into me, taken out, and I'm here with an open wound bleeding and he is saying "let's figure why you got that spear into you" while not treating the open wound first. Is the A to be discussed in MC or does MC involve going over issues in the pre-A M and A stuff left for IC? I don't know. By the way the MC is also my IC but after this I'm not sure if I want to go back to him.
I'm so confused. Is that what the C needed to do to me? Is it wrong for me to continue to ask questions? I need your opinions please. What was MC like for you, especially those who successfully recovered their M's.
2x4's are fine, just tell it to me straight.
fG
Last edited by frozenGhost; 07/07/05 10:35 AM.
