I hope you are right Dobie, I hope it goes away around 3 months....


It's about 3 months for most people. In our SA group we ask men to abstain totally from any kind of sex for at least 3 months or more to help reset the brain. Over time the brain gets use to all those nice chemimcal effects taking place from SF and it's hard for it to give it up. Hence, all the cravings and obcessing. And for sex addicts the obcessing is horrible during those 3 months, you feel like you want to climb the walls....you can tell there is a real addiction. Every moment your mind is obcessing. So hopefully for others who are not addicts it's not as bad having to go without SF. I know some single addicts who have been without any form of sex now for 2 years.....so hang in there.

Yeah, I felt bad after talking to a D'd friend of mine... it has been 3.5 yrs for him!!

Makes my 2 months (or so) seem like piddle in comparison! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Art, again, I want you to know how much *I* appreciate you being open and sharing... I know that my STBXH is a SA and I pray that he will get right one day, if for now other reason than his mortal soul and the 3 kids we created togehter...

Still, I know he must want it to even start... we'll see, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

For your husbands sake I hope that one day he will come around. Keep him in your prayers. My wife was praying the week before that God would do what ever it took to reveal my mess even if it meant loosing everything we had. And God answered those prayers and I thought I was going to loose everything from job to family to freedom. But when I accepted my problem and made myself accountable, God restored me and all the things I thought I was going to loose never happened. Even today I still don't understand exactly what happened, but I know it was God and others I tell say it was God who caused it all to happen.

So keep praying for him and I will too. God may have a plan for his life that we aren't aware of yet that is yet to be revealed.

Interesting topic, guys/gals. I have to admit, the three month thing wasn't all that hard for me, because for the last several years of our marriage, we'd dwindled from once every couple weeks to once every 2-3 months. (NOT my idea, I realize now my XH was filled with resentment at me and ignoring me emotionally and sexually was his way of punishment, I think.)

At any rate, I did fairly well for this last 1.5 years, albeit there were days when I thought I was going to explode because I missed it so bad (both the emotional and the physical closeness it brings). My problems have begun now that I've started dating, because being close to men who actually seem to be attracted to me, and shower me with attention is making my mind reel! (xh used to do that once upon a time, and it had the same effect).

And for me, having no "end date" is really tough sometimes. I have every intention of waiting until marriage this time around, so if marriage never happens, SF may never happen either. That's a thought that could just about take me over the edge if I dwelled on it.

Soooo....one day at a time. (Wow, LH, 3.5 years! That's 2 years longer than I've gone. That seems like forever!)

LL

OMG... well now you had to go and throw in the "if M never happens than I may never have SF again..." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Not sure that I am ready to face THAT possibility!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Am I the only one that is struck with the irony that most of us are here because or Ss could not abide the very principles we HAVE upheld and now the "reward" is the loss of something so important and special!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I believe this gift is meant to be shared in a loving marital relationship and yet so many have made it something so horrible and turned it into something it is not! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Boys and Girls,

Don't forget that while your waiting for the right person to come along to have SF with, you take good care of your health by eating right, exercising, getting enough rest and having regular anual checkups. The last thing you want is to arrive at that point only to discover that your body won't respond because you didn't take care of it.

TMCM

It's been 3 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days for me. It CAN be done. I'm holding out for marriage, too. And if that doesn't occur, I'll still be OK. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I wonder who holds the record for current abstention? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I must say it is refreshing to see how many truly value the emotions involved with SF, meaning you desire to "make love" rather than engage in the rather robotic act of sex. I think too many in society devalue the emotion love and therefore are able to engage in ONS and also accumulate a pretty hefty sexual resume. And to think what kind of diseases exist makes it all the more disturbing.

My STBX WH was my first experience with "making love" so I held out for 23 years before receiving SF. It is not that I am against premarital sex but I personally have to feel a connection on many levels (not just physical) to get romantically involved with a man. My second experience this past May was very atypical for me but I am not sorry it happened as we did develop both a physical and intellectual connection that lead to our romantic evening together and our current bond. It is not often that I connect with a man on multiple levels so when it happens, there is a lot of excitement and sexual energy generated....which is whey I am more apt to get romantically involved with these guys. Some may think this is sad but I don't think so as anytime I have been passionate with another man, there are a lot of emotions involved which makes the romantic act, whether it be purely kissing/stroking or SF, extremely pleasurable on both ends.

It really disgusts me how many literally take on SF as a hobby...overheard some girls speaking of their weekend plans and one just straight out said..."don't care but I need a good [censored]." After her friend asked what type, she said something to the extent..."doesn't matter...married, ugly, hot; just as long as he has a big [censored]." I was very disturbed overhearing these early 20-something gals chatting cuz visions of my STBX WH's 2003 HS grad girlfriend flashed into my head. I am scared for the society that my children (and at this point I pray that I will start a fam someday) will grow up in.

Muels

WHnowBS....yes, I don't think anyone is immune to the immoral acts of another. I did IM CDA in 2003, my first, and it was awesome! My STBX WH was supposed to do IM with me in 2004 but then d-day hit. Guess, drinking beer and sexualizing near minors were more exciting to him.

ACK!!! I couldn't do that!!! I am TRULY impressed that anyone can wait that long, but I certainly hope that it isn't that long for me.

My "bar" is being in a committed relationship...I don't want empty ONS's, as those here that have had them state they were left feeling empty afterwards.

My slow search for "Ms Right" will be commencing soon enough.

WNB

OT - How was the marathon after the swim/bike? I take it the Brick workouts are what solidify your ability to run so far after having biked 112 miles?

At this point, I cannot imagine having to run a marathon AFTER biking that far. I plan on a year of solid training before I attempt an IM. I trained for 5 months for the marathon and that was barely enough. I am going to runthe same one again in March to get more running miles under my legs.

The only real chore is the swim <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I just want to finish it under the limit!

WNB

I don't even want to think about how long it's been for me...It makes me sad.being rejected by a man I once loved so much..

We never great SF together..I truly believe he has a lot of issues going on "upstairs" and can't have true intimacy, love, SF with his own wife. SA - yes, I think he is..

Oh yeah, now I remember with me it was vacation sex - once -last FEb....and he's never touched me since. Before that it was once a year - maybe twice if we took 2 vacations...

Him - weekly with many MOW/OW..sometimes more than once a week...probably for our entire M (11 years)...Seeing the type of women he's been with - sickens me..All the years and tears I spent wanting this man so much and learning that he'd prefer anyone over me..

Sure I'd love to be held again or to have SF - but, I am afraid I'd either kill the guy or cry for weeks after...remembering my "youth" and when I actually had a sex life.

I've "looked" at some men as potential partners - wondering about them - (hadn't done that in 13 years) but, I've held off, keeping my shield up since I am still M and haven't yet filed. Emotionally I'm not ready to have a sexual relationship. I think from all I've seen I'm shocked at how people don't even care to build a relationship - It's a wham bam thank you mame society that I don't want to be a part of..I don't wanna be some guys ONS..I'll keep my dignity thank you..

If I do meet someone worthy (think Seinfield and Elaine's stash of "sponges") LOL...I won't hold off until M - since I don't even plan on traveling that rocky road again...I just want a normal, healthy, exclusive relationship...No rings please....

But, I think it was Nams post - with the Navy Seal that could make me "jump ship" on this celibacy boat I'm on...LOL..I'm envious....

Actually, we have one around these boards that just celebrated her 7th anniversary of celebacy and was officially queened Miss Born Again Virgin.....

For others thinking about this let me just say, my 1st couple months were the hardest (no pun intended) because I was focused on that issue. But as my focus shifted so did my animalistic desire for sex shift to what my real desire was. And that was to be in that full blown "bells and whistles" relationship with the woman of my dreams. Once that was determined then bumping uglies with anything short of that wouldn't do.

I laughed at the 1st year, cried at the second, and honestly barely remember the 3rd. TOday, I'm in that relationship that was borne of my dreams and how sweet the fruit is? I wouldn't trade that for anything, nor would I settle for less....