Just when I thought it couldn't get worse than my WH verbally abusing me with occasional physical demeaning behavior too, lying to me for over a year, leaving me for some 2003 HS graduate with whom he met online when chattin via webcam on some yahoo romance line, serving me divorce papers a mere few days before Christmas, reaming me for hiring a lawyer, showing no care in the world for my wellbeing when thoughts of suicide crossed my mind, and his mom calling me evil and shunning me from the family after reporting OW to commanding officer, the inevitable happened.

STBX WH, in a settlement discussion with my lawyer today, was very uncooperative and even straight up lied about certain assets. His parents gave us antique china/silver worth a very significant amount as a wedding gift and his claim today was that we refused the gift. Why is it that he cannot just take responsibility for his immoral behavior and agree to the modest/fair settlement presented to him today so we can both just move on with our lives...is he trying to torture me cuz I am really sick of his ignorance affecting my life. WH not only graduated from the academy of A**holes this past year, he is a doctor of it as of today.

Thanks for listening to me vent...not feeling that great lately especially knowing that the new man I am connected to is being shipped off soon.

Muels

31 year old guy leaving for a 19 year old girl? Sounds like the guy trying to get with my W at the moment. He was 26 when she was 17 before me; and he took advantage of her - now he's trying to get her to come back claiming he's "responsible and will take care of her." ....right.

Is it just me or is there something sick about a 31 year old guy going after a 19 year old girl? Just something about a 10 year old difference that makes me look at it very disgustingly.

Fox...I agree. The whole age difference is pretty sick. I think as you get older, it becomes more acceptable but this girl has a lot of maturing to do at her age. To some extent, I think WH had to stoop as low as OW as he couldn't find an immature 31 yo to engage in the same immoral behaviors he has chosen to engage in. Perhaps he is hitting a midlife crisis early but he certainly is trying to relive his immature "college" years. The funny thing is that he has tried so desperately to be young for OW; he even had to ask for 5k of my hard earned business money a week prior to d-day to get hair transplant surgery to impress his teenage girlfriend. Ughhh...everything he has done makes me wonder who I actually married.

Use those feelings of revulsion to move you toward ENDING the M and moving one to find a DECENT man who will cherish you.

From what I have read of your posts, you are good woman worthy of a GOOD man...

Be well,

WNB

Kjb -

keep venting here...that's part of what this site is all about...

Strange parallels - my WW today told me to get everthing out of "her" house...including my motorcycle out of the garage. A strange request considering the house is presently vacant, and under construction, and she lives in California...it is also "her" house that I payed the mortgage on while she was in Podiatry school, and taking college courses before that...she had no income during all that time....

I think when Ws's do these things, they are trying to keep justifying their unjustifyable behavior. They want to hate the BS, so they can continue their actions without remorse or any semblance of guilt.

But what she doesn't understand, though, is that it makes my decsions and actions so much easier. I want nothing to do with her...

Hang in there...


TM

Thanks guys...this whole situation continues to be surreal. To me, it seems inhuman for someone to treat a 5 year relationship/marriage as if it had never happened and to continue to transform personal anger/frustration onto innocent parties as means to falsely save a small ego. Sometimes I wonder if our good times were fake or meaningless to WH...this is certainly how he is projecting himself now. I have honestly gotten to the point where I have wished I could erase these past 5 years from memory and go back to the unviolated 23 year-old woman I was but then again, I have grown tremendously over the past year and now know what NOT to tolerate in forthcoming relationships.

It is funny to think that any form of relationship with WH, a man I once thought was the sexiest/cutest/funniest guy alive, is highly unlikely. Today, I merely see an arrogant, immature a**hole whose self esteem is about the size of a pea and whose face no longer remotely projects that handsome reflection I once saw and fell in love with. I could not be friends with such a character, let alone be married to be one. The day I met OM, I realized that it is possible to be attracted to someone other than WH as I connected with OM physically/intellectually immediately and an emotional connection is growing....who knows where this new chapter of my life leads but I will be relieved when the current disasterous one is closed so I can truly embrace my new life with him.

Kjb,

I know how you feel - my wife; the girl I fell in love with has changed so very much over the last few months; yes a lot of it was because of my mistakes, however I am become again what I once was - and I admitted my downfalls; I am taking the necessary steps to fix them, and am striving to be a success.

It breaks my heart when my W tells me she doesn't love me anymore, like our relationship and the fun things we did; the dreams we shared; us trying to conceive - like none of it meant anything; that rips my heart to shreds when i think about it.

However, I will continue to stand strong and trust that whatever happens is God's will. If my W comes back to me; I know we can be happy again - if shes willing to fix her end of things that is...I'm already working on my end. A marriage takes two.

It saddens me when I realize that I messed up in our relationship, but I stand tall and stray from the lonliness knowing that my W will be missing out on an amazing husband; a loving father; and a great man in me - yeah, I had trouble showing it during our problems; but I know its me, and I know how to live to my potential now - through God.

I am a good person, and I will be an even better father - only two people know this - Myself and my God. If she doesn't have the courage to give that a chance; then that's her decision...and IMHO her loss.

Fox...you cannot and should not blame yourself for anything right now. You have taken the appropriate steps as a husband to work "through the bad" as we all have recited in our vows to our spouses. It is a great time for self reflection...I have used this past year of separation from my STBX WH to think about who I am and what I want out of life, what dreams I have. Yes, a lot of my dreams used to include WH and we, too, had started to try to bring a new life to our family (thank god WH couldn't perform cuz of the guilt associated with his affairs). I am very much looking forward to that day where I am able to start a family with the man who will truly cherish everything about me. Your situation is still very fresh and it is very appropriate for you to be in Plan A, which means continued communication with your wife especially with regards to recognizing needs that may have not been met this past year of your marriage. I, too, went through Plan A, Plan B but as you stated, a marriage takes 2 people and in all honesty, I can now say that my STBX WH is not mature enough to be married at this point of his life. Perhaps your wife will recognize the positive strides you are making so you can make your marriage work. Best wishes, Muels

Muels -

God bless you and your life; may everything you do be lifted up to the Lord. I'm sorry to hear about the hurt we share in common; but it is refreshing to know that we all; through our struggles have come to a better understanding of ourselves. If you ever need anyone to talk to - I'll be here helping as many people as I can with things that I too, and still to this day, need help with - that is my duty here.

Thank you for your kindness and support; I wish you the best in all that you do!! You deserve the best in life, don't ever settle for anything less! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Well if yours has the doctorate mine is at least working on his Masters!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sorry girl, I am! For some reason these guys lie like they breath, no thought or moral fiber.

I want you to know you are in my prayers!

Oh, Fox the stories we BWs could tell! My WH is 47, his OW is 29. Yup, old enough to be her father. If fact - he IS as old as her father!