OK I recently found out my husband cheated on me, and that I can get over, but now he's asking me to leave our home for a week so that she can stay here with him so he can have closure, he said he still want's to be with me and that after she leaves he will cut off all ties with her, I just don't know what to do, our relationship was great before this and it's all such a shock, I didnt see it coming at all. please any advice would help

Would you be okay with her moving into your house after you move out (I hope you would NOT be okay with this.)

If you move out, don't plan on him letting you move in again (at least for a very, very long time and only after so much crapola, you'll wanna die).
I am saying do NOT move out!

Read the links below.

Are you kidding me? You are actually considering this?! He's going to test living with her to see if he likes it and then if he doesn't, take you back and if he does, keep you out. Hello! Where is your backbone? Where is your respect for yourself? You'd let someone else LIVE in your house, SLEEP with your Husband and be you for a week? While you what? What are you going to do while your husband plays house with his girlfriend? I'm at a loss for words.

Honey, he pulled the wool over your eyes once with his A (I know how that goes), but now you owe it to yourself to not be fooled again. Why would you believe him now? We are 7 months after d-day and I still struggle to believe what he says. You are going to take his word for "ending" it after living with her?! Does that make sense to you? My H insist now that he was "breaking it off with her" months before I found out and I showed him phone records where he continued to call her everyday all day. I'm like "How stupid do you think I am? When you break things off with someone, you don't call them all the time" or move in with them in your case.

Please go to IC right away. I think you need some personal strenght before you even head into MC. The answer is an ABSOLUTE NO!

He's basically given me the ultimatum that if she cant come, i have to leave

Tell him to take a hike then. Tell him to move out.

Is it your house as well? He can NOT make you leave. I would tell him she comes here and I call police. Here in Fl. if you let someone move in it takes maonths to get them out. My god is he mad??? You are going to llok right at him and say NO. Get a restraining order against her. Go see a lawyer or somthing. I think I would have him committed. So where are you supposed to go?? How long M? How old are you and him? Who is she? Tell everyone you know what he is doing and quickly? How about his job -does she work with him? I would call his parents and family and my family. If he thinks she is moving in with you and the three of you are all going to live together I would start a riot. I would make her life HELL. and his. You have the POWER girl use it. Do you have children???

He's basically given me the ultimatum that if she cant come, i have to leave
Either you leave or you leave. That is not an ultimatum.

He is not giving you an ultimatum, he is simply telling you to move out.

Don't do it.

Well Im not going to screw him over, or her she doesnt even know about me. But reading everything you all have written has really opened my eyes, and I know I should think with my head and not my heart, so Im leaving. I dont want to talk to him and say "her or me" because it's ridiculous that I should even have to say that, and even if I did and he picked me, I dont think I would ever be able to look at him the same again, because the person I loved before this situation would never ask something so ridiculous, thank you all so much for your advice, luckily there are no children involved and I have a good support group. All along I have known I should leave, but I wasnt thinking clearly, I cant believe I even considered saying ok to this, I know I deserve better and I know that anyone who really loved me would not ask this of me. I dont want to screw him over but part of me hopes so bad that he falls madly in love with this girl and she screws him over so bad, so he can feel just a little of what I am going through. I know it will be hard at first to start all over, but so many people have gone through so much worse and they make it through ok, wow Im glad I posted on this site, thankyou all so much for being so blunt!

when I say Im leaving, I dont mean so this girl can stay here, I mean for good

Nicomanti,

I'm glad you are not going to put up with such a ridiculous request, but don't make any rash decisions either. In your first post you said you could forgive the infidelity. Now a day later you are walking out?!

Yes, our WS hurt us beyond belief. Yes, they disrespect us and humiliate us with their selfish behavior. But your H might just be in la-la land right now and the man you married lurking somewhere in there. He may not. I don't know.

I just want to caution you not to make an rash decisions that you might regret later. Let's just deal with the situation at hand...your moving out. Tell him NO WAY and demand he 1) end the A immediately and 2) go with you to MC. If he does, he and your marriage might be worth saving. If he doesn't, then your decision to leave, might be the best one.

Take it slow. How long since D-day? I'm glad you have no kids living through this too. Take it one day at a time. You will find your feelings changing all the time.

2

I agree, do not make any quick moves right now. Take some time and really think this out. If he has a problem with that then HE can move out. You make it sound like he can call all the shots, he can't! He cannot just kick you out and that is that.

Let's just say that you do move out and he has his playtime in your house. Let's just say that in a month or two he comes back to you and says it is over and you really see that it is and you want to come back and work things out. I can tell you that the fact she was in YOUR home and touching YOUR things will make you ill beyond words. Do not just roll over and let him let her invade your home.

The OW was in my home for only 20-25 minutes. I know she sat on my couch and I am sure she touched a few things. I would love nothing more than to torch the couch she sat on. Knowing she was in my home makes me so angry and sick to my stomach.

It is not just HIS home, it is your home together!!! He is the one having an affair, not you.

But reading everything you all have written has really opened my eyes, and I know I should think with my head and not my heart, so Im leaving.
But that is thinking with your anger and not your head.
Not to say you have to or need to save your marriage, but you need to think about it.

Im glad I posted on this site, thankyou all so much for being so blunt!
Now I’m gonna be blunt some more.
S T O P ! ! !
Take some time to understand what happened and why, read a lot and gather your thoughts.

How old are both of you?
How long together & married?
Any children?
Any past behavior similar to this (from either of you)?

Read the links below...

OMG girl... tell him to kiss your tush and than park it...in your home!!!

IF he wants this chick and a week for "closure" than tell him to go elsehwere to find it...than change the locks!

I am going to take a leap here and guess you are pretty young... how long have you been Md? Do you want a chance to make it work?

I can't believe the nerve... then again many a WS comes up with such unbelievable carp!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I STRONGLY reccomend that you stay put... why should you have to leave your home when it is he that has stepped out??!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Be tough, girl, you can do this!!

So you're leaving here also?
After only four whole posts?