ok so my H came home and started yelling at me b/c the furniture was moved. i worked hard all day to clean. then he got mad that dinner wasnt made, but on the phone 3 hours ago he said he wasnt coming home?!!! I am tired of all the pain and hurt. Any advice? I feel like giving up.

Sounds like a stupid reason to get mad at someone for - especially considering you are spending YOUR birthday CLEANING your house...

Don't break any of his ENs if you're serious about wanting to save your marriage; but if I were you, in a polite way I'd tell him to shove it up his (mother, shut your mouth!) heh...

Well, no not really, I'm kidding - but seriously, this guy sounds like he needs to lighten up. Just treat him warm and compassionately; defeat him with your kindness.

Thanks Fox,
He is starting to push me away that I am at the point now where I could care less about making this M work. He wants NOTHING to do with me or my son. I am starting to think there is someone out there who will love me and be a GOOD dad to my son.

What decision you make based on this is up to you; however, do try and think it through before you make a decision you might regret. Although he doesn't seem to have ANY intentions of changing his ways, that might not necessarily always be the case. It took my W leaving me to realize how important it was to me that I stopped love busting and focused on HER ENs and not mine; I'm a completely different person because of it.

However, if he expresses no desire to change, even if you tell him you're through - then dump him. He's not worth it. Unfortunately, some guys need a tough wake up call; I got mine 4 weeks ago when my W left me for her mom's house.

Well.......I think the fact that you feel like this already, you need to start really thinking of Plan B (and maybe eventually D). When you start to resent the wayward, and start to give up hope for recovery, then the marriage has NOONE to help it recover. At that point, it is a pretty sure bet that the marriage is not going to make it.

IF you want to still reocver the marriage, then you should start reading the PLan B stuff that many talk about here. You can "try" and do a Plan A all you want as people might still advice, but if your heart is not in it, it will not matter.

Please realize that you are entering a zone that will mean divorce if YOU don't do something soom.

I think just from reading your stuff, that you definitely need to find other friends or activites in your life. You are lonely (as anyone would be), but you need to make serious changes in your life....probably starting with plans for a PLan B.

This is just one man's opinion.

BOL<

Sour......

The thing is I already left him once and nothing has changed. He said if I came back things would be different. I have been home 2 weeks and its gotten worse. I just feel so confused and sad.

Happy bday cg,
Your hsband sounds like a stupid a$$ right now.
Don't give up hope yet ! Someone here once said "hope is the only thing no one has ever figured out how to kill yet!
You are not in plan A if you are being a doormat for your husband! Plan A is not about being a doormat! It's more about being the best person you can be and making your H see how atractive you are.
Do not take his DR and abuse as if you deserve it. You don't!!!!
Ask him exactly what he intends to do regarding restoring and reconciling the R you guys used to have. He cannot resort to belittling you and your marriage and get away with it , unless you allow him to do so.
DO NOT ALLOW HIME TO DO THIS!!!!
SET YOUR BOUNDRIES AND LET HIM HIM KNOW WHEN HE HAS CROSSED THEM. Patience is a blessing from God.
I wish you patience and blessings,
Jerry

Jerry,
Thank you so much. All the boundaries I have set he crosses them and when I confront him, he flips out to the point where I am scared. I dont want my son in this type of enviorment but when is point where I say enough is enough, I am Done.

i don't know - the more I hear the more it sounds like you might be at that point; especially if you're scared for your safety..

Just wanted to send you some hugs {{{{{cancergirl}}}}}

You sound so alone and scared. Keep posting...people are here to listen!

I have been trying to stay positive and work on alot of things for me and my son. I am stuck in this house because we only have one car (which he always has) and so I sit here and have NOTHING to do all day. If I tell him I need the car he says I have no place to go or no one to see. All my friends work during the day and in the evenings wont come over b/c they dont like him. Its really hard.

Jerry,

Yours is a pretty standard textbook answer around here (not that anything is wrong with it). So, once cancergirl tells here WH that she is "hurt" by his continued cheating and that it breaks her boundaries...WHAT IS SHE SUPPOSED TO DO THEN? If he breaks the "boundary", what THEN? Besides just telling him that it hurts her when he sees the ow (which he obviously doesn't give a $hit about), what does she say or do? You said she should "not take" the abuse or the boundary breaking, so what do your purport that she do when he CONTINUES to do what he has been doing?


I am all ears, as I am extremely interested in what you would advise for her. I am being serious here. YOu give good, but very general advice. What does she SPECIFICALLY do next?

You seem like a very intelligent man and compassionate man, so I am sure that she would (as would I) appreciate your advice in a more specific manner.

Thanks,

Sour......

I know I need major changes in my life, but I am not sure if to give up and move back to WA or stay and continue to be sad and hurt all the time. I dont know IF he will ever WANT to change???

There is your major problem. Trust me, I know hoe frustrating it is waiting and hoping someone "changes". No wonder you are so sad, and scared and lonely. You have NO CONTROL over what your wayward will do, so it is a helpless feeling.

I can't tell you what to do (noone can), but you are going to have to do something to change the situation. Staying put and "hurt and sad all the time" is clearly not working for you.

Sour.........

So ok, I just walked into the kitchen to get a sandwich and he says "get the "F" out of my face and get back in the room" I didnt say one word to him. Out of no where he sees me and says this. I am so done. I dont know how he can treat me like this if he "loves" me so much.
Worst B-Day ever

This is disgusting behavior and I doubt even the foggiest BS here could rationalize this as an "alien" doing all of this and not your WH.

This is sad and intolerable cruelty. Don't accept this $hit. DO something to remove yourself and son from this man. "Alien" or not, he is BAD for you now.

Sour.........

yeah that's messed up. If you can - find a new place to stay; no one deserves that kind of treatment. Especially unprovoked - your WH has some SERIOUS issues he needs to evaluate. Looks like Satan's got a good grip on this poor guy...

...wow...simply, wow.

Thanks I am going to give it my all through the weekend. IF things dont work out, I know that I did everything I could to save this marriage. I WILL be able to take care of myself and my son!! Plus in WA I will have a good church, family and friends who support me no matter what!

Fox,
seriously do you know how much I say what you just said? I know that Satan will not give up his grip on my H. Thats b/c he doesnt have a hold of me. My faith is too strong for that.

Friends, family, and God are exactly what is most important for you right now; especially with what is going on in your life. You NEED to be around people who care - and so does your son.

You'll be in my prayers.