I've been slogging through this mess for about 8 months now. Plan A wasn't particularly successful. Haven't gotten into Plan B yet. We're sort of in, as SH calls it, pre-Plan B. We don't talk a great deal as in not even once a week. WH seldom sees the kids. He can't seem to make the call to SH for an appointment. The fog seems to be intermittent. The A is not as hot and heavy. I believe there is a bit of disillusionment with OW, perhaps due to the fact she has boyfriendS. WH's work committment just doesn't seem to lighten up and won't in the next few months. He's barely keeping his head above water there. That stupid, though lucrative job is sucking the life out of him.

I just want to grab the man by his ears, give him a little shake and ask "Just what do you expect/want/see/need from me?" Just want kick his fencesitting, conflict avoiding butt. I'm ready to move on, one way or another. I'm afraid it's Plan B for me but I just like a clue before I do it.

Think it would do any good at all? Have I reached the point where I'm a bigger danger to the marriage than he is?

vent,vent,vent,vent,vent

sounds like it might be about time... I cannot imagine how anyone maintains a GOOD Plan A so long... if ya do, great, I admire you... still, gets to feeling too much like a doormat doesn't it?

plan B is no fun either, but then again neither is D... vent away dear, we are listening! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Personally, I had a difficult time handling Plan A. Sugar and spice just aren't been part of my repetorie. That probably why we slipped into pre Plan B. I got really tired of initiating every phone call, activity and contact.

I don't even know how WH sees our future. Divorced? Reconciled? Separate but equal? Dear BW waiting in the sings for him to come home? Just a clue, please.

How about you scheduling the Steve Harley appointment for him? He does not have to be motivated to talk to Steve for this to be helpful for YOU.....

He's pretty used to you being the scheduler of things. It wouldn't be a stretch out of the norm for your relationship. In fact, I think a lot us women in our generation have played this role in families. That's another whole discussion.....

I still really think, Grape, that your WH is having a MLC. That seems to be really key here. Again, that's another whole discussion......

Grape I was plan A'ing without even know ing it. Last fall I guess I went into pre plan B - didn't know it then either - I was planning on moving out. Tehn 4 Hurricanes slowed that down. When I got real proof of the A I was DONE. I told him in a very nice way that I wanted a D. I said may I tell you something and he said yes. I said H I am done and want a D. It was like the man changed right before my eyes. And all of a sudden it hit him so hard I almost called 911. He broke down, shaking, crying in a resteraunt. His temper was such I had to do this with OP around. I told him I had already started packing. My mother had said I could move home. He begged me not to go. We talked long into the night. I told him I would give him some time. I would think about it. I'm still here. He has been himself since the old H not the alien. Not saying you should do this but it sure brought him homeagain. I was 2 1/2 yrs of Aliens and I was done.

Thanks Mimi and Realtor*. I guess I'm tired of being kept on "hold". I'm tired of WH being a blackhole. I have no idea where he is or what he'd doing all of the time. I feel like we've been separated for so long, it's hard to come together. At this point, he seems to be happy with his aloneness, if indeed he is alone.

It's a MLC. Warts and all. Actually, my warning signs went off last summer when he talked about shaving off his mustachio. Red Alert!

I suppose I would understand it all better if anything was happening. WH seems more than happy to get together IF I make all the arrangements. If the kids call, he will talk to them. However, he doesn't call or make any effort to see them.

In addition to the MLC, there's the evil twins of OW and his job. Until OW is gone and work lightens up, the fog will persist.

I'll work on getting an appointment with SH for him.

Thank Mimi for the suggestion. I emailed WH offering to set up a time for him to do counseling with SH. He responded with 1 time on 1 day. I sure hope Steve has it available.

We'll see....

Great Grape!

Just some more of your WH's testing and trying to be MR. BIG STUFF!

If that time doesn't work for Steve, E-Mail him back with the available times that Steve has. I'm willing to bet you that your WH will pick one of the times. He's testing to see if you will continue to schedule. You will for just a bit and THEN.....

This is part of PLAN A and his cake-eating. He wants you to remain GRAPE GIRL aka WIFEY while he's out playing.

Hang in there....

I'm trying to hang in there. Some days, it feels really hopeless. This is the first attempt I've made at scheduling for sometime.

I hope that talking to Steve is a good experience for him. Maybe Steve can blow away the fog. There's a lot of times that I think what WH really needs is a kick in the pants.