Just venting, not really angry. All I can do is roll my eyes and be thankful that my daughter really does have a tiny bit of common sense. (Apparently my ex doesn't.)

We were riding in the car to night with a friend of hers and somehow they got talking about drugs. And it comes up that her dad does both meth and coke (yep, know that...and hate it).

But get this--when she visited him in May while OW and friend were out of town, she admitted he offered her coke!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Okay, I was not happy when he bought her the carton of cigarettes last August for her 15th birthday (the same birthday he was showing off the new phone with OW's boobie pictures on it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />). And I figured he offered her booze at his place every now and then because he thinks it makes him look cool in her eyes.

But come on! Offer your child drugs if they want it!! That's pretty much downright illegal, and freakin' stupid! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> She does a LOT of things, but drugs are not on the list. Thank goodness! I hope he felt really stupid, but I doubt he did.

She also shared that he and OW used to do ecstacy together, and that he also several times has bought her a case (as in 4-pack) of whatever type of booze she has mentioned liking to drink with friends (who, of course, she has no business drinking with either...but I don't think it's very often anymore).

I think about the ex, though not nearly as often as I used to. I care about his wellbeing and keep hoping that for his sake that he pulls his head out of his rear end before it's too late for his life. But hearing stuff like this does really reassure me that I was wise to make the decision I made, to let go of the marriage.

Sometimes all I can do is just shake my head. I don't understand how a person can self-destruct like that.

LL

What a LOSER!!!!

You may want to inquire with the local police if the word of your daughter is sufficient enough to press charges...

It's bad enough that he left his family, but to offer DRUGS to his daughter?!?!?!?!

That's WAY over the line IMHO...

WNB

LL,

After my parents divorced my father turned into the "Do what feels good Dad"....no affairs or anything, my Mother just got sick of his drinking and irresponsibility.

Anyway, my Dad gave me the speech.."I know you are doing X,Y, and Z and I would rather you did it at home"

So sex in my bedroom? Sure why not? (at 15 mind you)...Drugs? Do them at home so you don't get caught. Alcohol? It's all under the sink help yourself...

Pretty sick huh? It took me 10 years to get my head right after 3 years of that ( I lived with him..long story)

The point is this LL...Let you EX know in no uncertain terms that you are completely against this, he is ruining his child and setting her up for all kinds of problems...

If he doesn't listen and does it again then you call the police, don't tell him you will call the police though...and do it on a day like...Uhmmm say his or OW's payday or the day after...

If they are doing drugs they will have them on those days for sure...you an't make him stop but you can make him suffer for his choices.

Good Luck and Stop this behavior now

I was told that when my ex drank and drove if I knew about hsi I could face jail time for knowinly letting my children stay with him. I was allowing this and was responsible for the welfare of my children. I would never allow my child into a home where there is drugs. If they get busted and she is there she could end up in juvy. I would not let her go until he is clean and can prove it. End. Please be careful

Yup, realtor, I am there with you... knowing this and allowing her to continue to go could be construed as child endangerment! Now I realize your DD is, what, 16? So it is harder to control her there...

Still, I think I would have had my atty fire off a letter and their address would have been provided to the police along with a statement... hearsay (?) does not hold up in court but the cops finding it on their property with the search warrant they could obtain with this info sure would!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Reborn,

Both of may parents were that way, if you want to do drugs, do them at home Oh, and make sure you have ENOUGH for everyone.

If you want to drink, okay, give me the money and I'll get it for you when I go to the liquor store.

My dad even took his OW's drivers license to take ME bar hopping with him when I was 15/16 years old. I can still remember the ill at ease feeling I had running into folks I knew at the bar who were a few years older and old enough to drink, who didn't KNOW this was my dad, and of course dear old dad didn't WANT them to know he was my dad, so you know how that looked...not good on me...but my dad didn't care...
that shows real love doesn't it?? NOT!!

And as this was BEFORE cell phones, my mom would take off for days on end leaving no phone number to contact her at, leaving 4 teenage kids home alone. She was gone for a week at one point with no way to contact her and we didn't even have my dad's new number in case there was an emergency.

So yeah, I'm familiar with that song and dance too.

LL, if you know for sure he's doing drugs, or even if your not, report it to the police and let them investigate it, you could end up with his having NO CONTACT with your daughter at all, which sounds like the best thing for her.

I know here, even being a drunk doesn't matter unless their is an arrest record because of their drinking. The judges look at it that "they can drink whenever and whatever they want in their homes, even with kids present and we can't stop them because drinking is legal."

I think I'm going to take some 2x4's that I didn't originally anticipate when I started my little vent here.

I am not going to turn him in to the police, reason being, if he were caught with anything he'd lose his job and the child support that I pretty much rely on would dry up. If he gets caught on his own sometime, I'll deal with it at that point. But I'm not going to stick a knife in my own back.

I really can't stop my daughter from seeing him. She only sees him maybe an evening every couple months. She did spend the night in May, but that's a rarity. It's only happened like one other time. She chooses when she wants to see him and her boyfriend usually drops her off after they've been together. I have nothing to do with it. She's going to be 16 in less than a month. She is beyond the age where I can control who she sees and when she sees them.

I do trust she's smart enough not to actually participate in his drugs. And I also know that when he does them, he's not going to freak out or anything, because unfortunately it's something he did on and off throughout at least the last 10 years of our marriage. I've been around him. He's safe (actually probably safer than he is when he's drinking), so long as he doesn't have heart failure or something from overdoing or getting a bad batch. He's very cranky the next day, but non-violent. I was just astounded that he would actually offer it to her! That is something that never happened at home. My daughter didn't know he did it until after he moved out.

As for the drinking, he's following the exact pattern of his mother, except that she isn't an alcoholic. When ex and I were dating, she bought our booze every weekend. Select what you want...just drink it here at home because it's safer. Of course we drank it and went out drunk anyway, so it was pointless (and stupid!). Have sex in the house--sure, that's fine--and yes we were 15 at the time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> She just laughed about it. When her husband left her, a year after ex and I met and she DV him, she had her own steady parade of men through the bedroom for about 6 months until she met the guy who later became her 2nd husband.

So, yes, I think in ex's mind, he's showing his love for his daughter by doing all these "wonderful" things for her, and showing her how cool he is.

Stupid. Totally stupid....

LL

Hey LL,

You saw what ThrnedRose and I wrote right?

Your EX is doing only what he was trained to be.

He is living his example of a responsible adult.

You admit he pretty much never gave it up and I was only relaying my story to let you know that with his influence you are even less in control than a parent is over a normal 16yo, in a normal nuclear family unit.

Yes you trust your daughter, I understand that. My mother trusted me too. Over time that didn't stop me from having sex (hey a teenager may KNOW right from wrong but when a parent is saying it is OK well?) drinking to excess and eventually using any drug I could get my hands on.

I'm not saying either daughter will do it, just saying they are at risk LL...big risk...and if he is stupid enough to offer her drugs...well, you make the call. I know it ups the ante' because I lived it.

Good Luck and at the very least read him the riot act

RBM