FOR HISTORY - SEE MY OTHER THREAD 'HOW DO I STOP THE THOUGHTS?'

I HAVE DISCOVERED (AFTER ASKING MY DH TO STOP VISITING PORN SITES) THAT HE HAS ATTEMPTED TO VISIT A COUPLE WHILE I WAS GONE AND THEN (EVEN WORSE) ATTEMPTED TO DELETE THE HISTORY.

I WANT TO CONFRONT HIM - BUT I DON'T WANT TO REVEAL THAT I ACTUALLY KNOW YET EITHER. I WOULD LIKE TO ASK HIM IF HE HAS BEEN TO ANY PORN SITES SINCE I GAVE HIM THE LETTER - BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BRING THAT UP WITHOUT GIVING MYSELF AWAY. I NEED TO SEE (FOR MY OWN SANITY) IF HE IS WILLING TO LIE ABOUT THIS - SOMETHING THAT I DON'T CONSIDER TRIVIAL - BUT DEFINITELY LESS DANGEROUS TO OUR M THAN A PA. IF HE IS WILLING TO LIE ABOUT THIS - MY BRAIN GOES TO 'WHAT ELSE WILL HE OR HAS HE LIED ABOUT??'

ANY IDEA ON HOW TO GO ABOUT THIS? SHOULD I JUST WATCH A LITTLE LONGER? MAYBE SINCE THE PARENTAL CONTROL BLOCKED HIM - HE WON'T GO AGAIN - BUT I AM STILL PISSED THAT HE TRIED TO HIDE IT. MAKES ME WONDER WHAT ELSE HE IS HIDING.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I'm personally quite skeptical about calling the continued and repeated viewing of porno an addiction. It's clearly compulsive, but it's not exceptional. So I suggest that while his porno viewing should stop, you ought to avoid accusing your H of being afflicted.

I think his flirting with online personals is more perilous, because it shows that he doesn't know how to protect the boundaries of your M.

That's my only advice.

GC

THANKS GC. I DID NOT SEE EVIDENCE OF MORE PERSONALS SEARCHING - ONLY THE PORN. THAT MAY BE HARDER FOR HIM TO STOP SINCE FOR SO LONG WE WOULD BOTH VIEW MOVIES AND EVEN AFTER I STOPPED I DIDN'T MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT FOR A LONG WHILE. I ONLY ASKED HIM TO STOP BECAUSE I BEGAN TO BELIEVE IT WAS DAMAGING IN THAT HE WAS GOING ELSEWHERE FOR SF AND I THINK WE SHOULD ONLY GO TO EACH OTHER, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING OUR RECENT PAST.

I DON'T REALLY PLAN ON ACCUSING HIM OF AN ADDICTION... I JUST WANT TO FIND OUT IF HE INTENDS TO LIE TO ME ABOUT IT WHILE PROFESSING THAT HE HAS STOPPED VIEWING IT AT ALL.

MissGeorgie, I would not set him up to lie. You will get nowhere fast with that. I would simply TELL him that you know he is still looking at porn instead of adding another layer of problems onto that. Deal with the porn directly and don't play cat and mouse games with him.


Also, were you aware that CAPS MEAN YOU ARE YELLING?

Sorry! I almost always type in caps. I was not yelling at anyone here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />