My H and I have been married for 5 years. However, for the past 2 years we have been living apart in different states so that we both can finish our medical residencies. We both have less than a year left, and then we will both be finished. Although it has been difficult to be so far apart, I thought things were going to be okay, since we talked on the phone all the time, and saw each other every other weekend, holidays, etc. Well.....3 months ago I found out my H was having an A. At first he denied and denied it, but then eventually admitted to it, and told me he didnt want to loose me, and that he wanted to work on the marriage. I beleivd him and took as much time off I could from work (1 month)to be with him and try to fix our marriage. After the month, I wasnt sure if anything had changed. Shortly after I left, he called me to tell me he doesnt love me anymore, and that the marrriage was a mistake, and how he was never happy with me,... blah, blah, blah. Those words really hurt, but then he would call back to say he didnt mean it, and that he will always love me. So anyway, this is how it has been for the past 3 months....and emotioinal roller coaster, good days and bad days. And I know that he still has not stopped communicating with her b/c of this behavior. Of course he will never admit it. The minute I threaten to leave him (which I am not ready for right now), he changes and promises to stop calling/communicating with her, but it only lasts for a few days. Recently, he broke down and told his parents about the A. They are very disappointed with him, and have told him to end it, and that the OW will never be welcome in there home, and if he continues he will no longer be allowed in there home. Since, he has been trying harder to fix our marriage, but I am still not happy. His mother calls me everyday to offer me her support. She has even called the OW and left messages (since the OW repeatedly hangs up on her) for her to leave my H alone. Anywaym, I dont know what to do...we are almost done with being apart. In the next 3 months we are supposed to be decideing where we will be moving to and looking for jobs together. I want to go be with him now, but I dont want to give up my career and give my dream up of being a doctor b/c this is all I have got. If my H leaves me for this OW, I will not have anything to fall back on (career wise) to suopport myself. But then again, I love my H so much, I dont want to loose him either.....

I don't have any good advice for you, but I wanted you to know that I care.

Also, it is VERY SLOW here on the weekends, so don't be disheartened when you don't get very many replies.

-Caren

I'll just plug your last line...

"But then again, I love my H so much, I dont want to loose him either..... "

Jobs can come and go, but your family is a life time comitment and needs to be invested in.
See if he will attend counseling with you since there has been such a long period of time apart between the two of you. It's almost like you need to get to know each other again.

Blessings,

Make your plans on what is most stable. As for your WSH, he needs to get his act together. Can you practice and be near family?

Let your H know you love your H but not this WS character. Make sure you both know the difference. This is crucial to your recovery as well as his.

L.