So much for all my hard work!

WH went to solo MC appt this a.m. and I find out from a mutual friend that he works with, that he's not going to move back in, that he's not going to give our marriage the 3months we agreed on and everything else is done.

I asked her when he planned on telling me any of this and she said she asked the same thing and his answer was, "When she asks" So, I called him on and he didn't answer so I left a vmail asking how things went, etc. No call back yet.

Of course this MC is now off on vacation for 2 weeks! What the heck am I supposed to do now??!! I haven't heard from WH yet and I'm scared to. I'm shaking I'm so nervous. After last weekend I really had hope.

He told me he was considering moving back in. He asked me what I thought. I told him as long as he didn't threaten to move out when things got difficult I was happy with it. But then he decided to wait until he talked to MC before making the decision. Yippee.

Now mutual friend tells me WH is "different" today. He's not mopey and he's more confident. That scares me too.

WHAT DO I DO?? HOW DO I HANDLE THIS? WHAT DO I SAY WHEN WE FINALLY TALK?

HELP!!

I've tried to call him twice now and both times he's not answered. I know he sees it's me then just closes his phone because it goes to vmail right after a few rings. (that's how it works with our service)

I'm getting very anxious. What, is he just going to ignore me now? Not talk to me at all?

The twisted part is my birthday is rapidly approaching and like a dumba$$ I let him talk me into buying tix to go to a concert next weekend for us. What a joke. Now I'm stuck with these.

OH! And I talked with OWH today. Apparently they are getting a D. How wonderful. Wonder if that has anything to do with WH's decision. Should I bring that up?

Ok so I'm having a conversation with myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

He finally called and dropped the D bomb. Said he's going to file. Says he "loves me like a dear friend" but it's not romantic love and it never was. Says romantic love is what you feel in your chest. Asked if he feels that for OW and he says "we dont need to go there". SO of course, that is a yes.

I'm dying. He says MC says it's better to make a clean break and that we'll both realize this in a a year. Like that makes me feel better.

Of course he does all this OVER THE PHONE. Can't do it in person. Coward.

Then he says we can go to a movie tonight. WTF???

Says he never wanted to hurt me blah blah blah.

This sucks. I'm so down <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

I am so sorry to hear this. I feel your pain. I dont really have advice but I am here to listen and hopefully make you feel better. You're not going to the movie with him right??? I hope he realizes what he's doing. Stay strong and positive.

No I am not going to the movie. Why the heck would he ask that? Twisted.


Thanks c-girl.

I was just making sure!!! LOL!!! If you need to talk I am here to listen ok!!!
Good Luck with everything

STW,

Hang in there. Sorry you are where the rest of us are. Sometimes it hurts so bad you want to give up, but there are people here who really care. I'm not experinced enough to offer advice, let one of the old timers do that. Just wanted to offer a few words of support. Movie? Maybe you could poison his popcorn! HA HA

(((((STWP))))))

I think all WS's are cowards. It is easier to give in to temptation and to run from M problems than it is to confront the issues at hand. Then once the issues become a real problem (i.e. an affair) then they can hide behind that and use that as an excuse to just leave.

Anyway, I'm so sorry you're down. At least it's the weekend now and he'll have a few days to think about it before he can go to an attorney. I know that panicky feeling you're experiencing...do not let it consume you.

In the meantime, try and have a great weekend. Get out and do fun things and clear your mind. Take deep breaths of the warm Georgia air and remember you need to take care of you.

Thanks you guys. I really need you guys tonight.

He wants us to meet with an atty together to draw up the divorce papers. Says it'll be cheaper and quicker..blah blah. Doesn't need to get ugly, etc. I told him I needed to think about it. I have never done this before so I want to talk to my parents. He didn't like that.

All I want is my H back, not a D dammit.

He made an appt with the MC for 2 weeks from today. A joint session this time. I asked what for and he says he doesn't know, probably to help me on the path to healing. How nice.

He's going to file probably next week when he gets paid. He claims he's going to help some with bills, but he only helps if I bug him about it. Says he's going to try Legal Aid for the D. Can you do that if you have a job?

I'm so frustrated!!!!! Why do I have the ability to try and he doesn't? Why is she so freaking appealing??? Why am I the bad guy here when he's the one who messed things up!??


Crap Crap Crapity Crap Crap.

My WH is doing the same thing... he wants to run away and he told me he was not willing to save the marriage. We are going into legal sep soon <-- his choice. I wish I can tell you what to do. If I knew, I wldn't be asking the same question in my own thread! LOL

But just wanted to empathise.

Try to go out this weekend with a gf or something... even tho when your heart is heavy.. getting out, interacting with people and doing some kind of activity helps

~A

First you are one month past D-Day and the A is still on going. You have a long time left on this roller coaster ride. If you do not want the D, then tell WH that you can not stop him from getting a D but you will not participate. This is very important, you are not holding him back he can do what he wants, but you will not help. Then get yourself to an attorney and make sure your are protected. DO NOT USE HIS ATTORNEY.

I see a lot of hope in your story, trust me - it's not over yet. I would bet 6 months from now you are posting with questions about recovery! That's what people told me a year ago, I didn't believe them, but look at me now (see signature)!

What have you done about exposing the A? Do you know about Plan A? Stop calling your H and having relationship and D talks. They are useless while the A is on going. If he brings these discussions up, tell him you don't want to talk about that now. Start making positive changes in your life. Make your life and home a happy, safe place. If conversations and time with you are unpleasant, he will avoid you and that won't help. Don't give him any justifcation for his actions.

Trust me, one way or another you will get through this and come out a better stronger person.

Hi Kloe - Thanks for your words of support and wisdom

I've exposed. That is one of the biggest issues my WH has with me right now. He says that my exposing were personal attacks on him and he's not sure he can ever get over that. Says there will always be a wall up because of it.
In the next breath however, he says he understands why I did it.

As far as not helping with the D, can you explain that a little more? I mean, I understand about not using his atty. But do you mean just take as long as I legally can to respond to things? I have briefly talked to an atty that I would probably use when things get to that point. Should I talk to her further or wait until I get served?

Not sure how to do Plan A when WH is not at home. I tried but honestly I was too busy struggeling with all the anger I had to really do a decent job. Right now, I'm lucky to plan a decent meal let alone a life. I wonder if I shouldn't just be doing a Plan B since he seems to want to do things together so much.

My birthday was the day he proposed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I'm not looking forward to it in a few days.

I found Plan A much easier after FWH moved out. When not faced with the constant rejection the pain and anger weren't so fresh. I had to detach from FWH at first for my own sanity. That meant not calling him constantly and no relationshp talk. I pulled back and let him contact me, and he did. I was pleasant and always tried to have a funny or light hearted story ready to talk about. It was much easier if I planned ahead. Or if I saw an article on line I thought would interest him, I would e-mail it to him with a very short note. This insured that he had to think about me, even if it was just for a little while. When he would come over I would have Chocolate Chip cookies freshly baked. I told him I made some for my Mom and he could take the left overs. Then every time he bit into one, he would think of me. When he would do something around the house, I made sure I complimeted him. When he would complain about his job, I really listened and asked lots of questions to show I was interested in what he was telling me. If he complained about an upcoming meeting, I would send a short e-mail before the meeting telling him good luck. No I love yous, no relationship talk, it was almost like when we were first dating. Every contact was carefully thought out and planned ahead.

When I said don't help him with the D, I mean do not agree to anything with him regarding this. Flow that all through your attorney. Tell him you are not intersted in discussing D, you want to rebuild your M and family. Do not let him bait you into a discussion regarding this.

WH came over and mowed the front and back lawn today. He's offered to take me to dinner and a movie tonight too. Should I go? If I go, it should be no R talk, and just (try to) enjoy myself, right? If I don't go, how to bow out without sounding bitter?

It's so strange because for the first time since d-day he's not kissing me. He's hugged me, but not kissed me. Not that I've tried, but he usually initiates. This is throwing me off. I suppose this is normal behavior but it doesn't feel normal to me.

OH! When he was starting the lawn mower I noticed his wedding band ON HIS OTHER HAND! I said what is that about? He said he wanted to tan the line. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> He must think I am a complete fool. I just shook my head and walked in the house. He followed me and said dont' get grumpy, I thought that's what you wanted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Again...thinks I'm a fool. I asked him what made him think that and he couldn't answer. Idiot. He did move it back where it belonged however. hmph!