Okay, I am dealing with a noncompliant STBX WH. I have struggled in many ways this past year and am trying to move forward with my life by getting this divorce finalized. Besides being manipulated/threatened into giving WH more than 1/2 my business money, he is now looking for more...literally going after my business. The funny thing is that he currently makes about 25k more than I do as my income potential dropped over 40% this past year secondary to giving up a book deal/guaranteed income to tend to my emotional/physical wellbeing. I cannot magically get this back and now am finding my entire income going towards bills that were things I never anticipated having to front on my own (WH left me with a lease among other daily living bills). I am not sure what to do. To top it off, he is cohabiting with OW with the money I gave him and OW's GI scholarship covers room and board so I am pretty sure he is not even paying rent. As WH becomes more and more uncooperative and this is forced to court, do I have a fighting chance to get spousal support even though we don't have kids together and we were only married for 3 years???? WH is also fighting known significant assets of ours. I am so flustered and it is embarrassing to think I may have to seek financial help from my parents after losing so much money to WH, the IRS, and emotional distress/lost income capacity. If this drags out in court, I am afraid I will run completely dry.

Any input would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks,

Muels

Kjb,

Why have you given/giving money to your WH?

No kids, he makes as much if not more than you right?

Married 3 years?

You have a D Atty. right?

What you really need is the biggest, baddest friggin shark in the ocean.

KWIM?

My 2 cents? You don't owe him anything...and I wouldn't give anything. I don't know the details of the business ie..started while married, used marital assetts to start it, but if the business is YOUR job and he has HIS job...forgive me if I don't understand why you gave him dime one.

Maybe some more detail if you feel comfortable with that.

RM

About a week post D-day last year, WH threatened me into giving him 1/2 my business money. Being the vulnerable, f*cked up BW that I was then and thinking we'd work on the marriage, I gave him the money which added up to be close to 30k. WH currently makes 25k more per year than I do and has the help of a live-in girlfriend who has a GI scholarship to pay for their rent. He took my income that hadn't been taxed yet, I get hit with a huge tax bill that he refused to help with, and now is refusing to give me 1/2 our assets. Yes, I have an attorney but WH is still fighting...it is like he wants to run us both dry. I just want it to be over but I am honestly financially not well off right now. My business won't go under but I lost a significant amount of income potential this past year (making over 2k less per month than pre d-day) and with getting hit hard with taxes and giving WH money, I don't have much left to pay the bills. I launched my business 6 months prior to us getting married.

Any thoughts?

Thanks,

Muels

Sorry to hear your trouble. Your lawyer should be able to put a stop to this. If he can't ... switch lawyer. I don't know the detail but you seems have a lawyer that want to rack up bill too. It is very simple in CA ... all debt and asset are stated then divided into 2. Any disagreement would be mediated then forwarded to the judge. This is on debt/asset. Now about SS, you should not pay anything unless he is not working or not capable to find work. Due to short term M of 3 years, there should be a very short SS if it is needed.

Sorry to tell you this, even you have your biz prior to gettin hitched ... any increase in valuation of your biz after M are fair game (50-50). It is hard to argue valuation prior to M, I would just cut losses 50-50 on everything.

I would ask your lawyer to petition to the judge to change your status to divorce, it has been 6 months already.

Now is there any court order that you have to pay him SS ?.

-rh-

RH...My lawyer is actually a friend of mine and we are swapping services so I am not in debt because of her work to help me out. BUT as it goes to court (she didn't anticipate this), I am not sure what will happen. My business is myself so its value is merely my income...he already has more than 1/2 the value of my business at our time of separation. Furthermore, he has always made significantly more money than me...currently makes 2k more per month than I do so it is he that will be paying spousal support. I am wondering if it is possible considering he took my money and left me stranded with a bunch of bills I had never anticipated on having to front on my own. I guess we shall see as his a**hole self continues to fight even after violating me in every possible way.

kjb,

Since you have somebody helping you out...here is the thing.

Not only will he NOT get alimony...you might but more importantly I would sue him for the monies he has already received. I would also ask for him to pay half the bills he dumped on you. I mean sue if you can't get it in the divorce agreement but you should be able to in California.

Why you may ask?

Because he had no right to it, he bullied and blustered his way into it, you can word it however you want but I would definately say you were intimidated into giving him money.

Won't that look nice?

That is why you did it right? Because he intimidated and worked on your worst fears until you broke down and did it. What will his excuse be when the bills come up?

Use your power K...you have plenty and Cali divorce laws are not kind to the liar and thief.

He won't be able to run you dry K, and there will be retribution for him. Judges do not like nor cater to behavior like your WH's....

Thanks RBM...

Yes, he threatened me/blackmailed me into giving him money and his mom also indirectly physically threatened me with the following words:

"I shouldn't even be emailing you, nor do I even know where to begin, BUT....here goes. How dare you profess yourself as a kind and decent human being. The words "slander" and "vicious" are too kind of a description for someone so EVIL. Several things come to mind: Fatal Attraction (the movie), "hell hath no fury as a scorn woman", and lastly, what goes around, comes around."

I know Cali has a no fault rule so I don't think the judge will even consider the fact that he cheated, lied, emotionally abused me. But I have suffered financially, emotionally, and physically from his abuse and am not going to let him walk all over me like he has the past couple years...thus I have a lawyer. I didn't even consider the whole aspect of sueing...how does that work? I don't think my WH has ever really reaped the consequences of his bad behaviors as his mom always babied/pampered him through life scared that she lose her only son while his dad sat back and watched. I think it is about time someone stood up to him as his life will continue to spiral downward if there is no external intervention at this point.

Mmmm...what next?

By the way, his mom sent me those harsh words after I reported WH's OW (a 2003 HS graduate and former airforce recruit) to her commanding officer....never really understood how OW could be innocent???

K,

Now do you see why he has no problem with his behavior?

If his own mother would dare write those words than you can only guess it has always been "My angel is right no matter what" the kind of mom that would stand up at her son's murder trial and say "This is totally unfair, a guy runs into a knife and my darling boy is accused of murder? How dare the family of the dead man accuse him so!"

As far as suing him for asset's...first check with your friend about getting the "Marital Asset's" returned to you or at least have it apply towards the total. I don't see where that would be a problem but each state is different. My WWXW had to give me half the value of a $35,000 van we had received as a gift 2 months earlier because she ran off with it and wouldn't give me my share or give it back and let me pay her.

THere is a way to recover the money through your divorce, when all monies and bills are added up.

Ask your friend...it goes something like this in Ohio...

Add up all assett's, subtract all bills split the difference...retirement is a different issue for me, I don't think it will play since you were married less than 10 years but Cali could be different.

OTOH there have been people in Cali that have sued a cheating partner for breach of contract, I don't know how it works there so maybe another question for your friend if getting the money back through divorce isn't going to fly

RBM

"OTOH there have been people in Cali that have sued a cheating partner for breach of contract, I don't know how it works there so maybe another question for your friend if getting the money back through divorce isn't going to fly"

I would GREATLY appreciate any other info on this legal tactic