Possible, she'd know it was me if she was. She hasn't been on the home computer though, and she doesn't have access at work. So I'd say probably not.

She doesn't have a computer at work?

She does, but she told me it was blocked from getting to these websites. Maybe I'm the fool for believing her again.

Maybe I'm just cynical, but it sure seems like it is hard getting a message to the OM's wife.

Have you thought anymore about exposing them at work?

It's really really hard, I'm petrified of the work issue. Nothings panning out for me at all. I just want this nightmare to end one way or the other.

It would be nice if the nightmare could be ended with your family intact. OM does not seem like the type to leave his wife and kids - especially if he has a nice home and car. He would lose half of everything.

I think he might be the one who changed his wife's number to a private one. Maybe when I called him the other day, he figured out that something was up.

But at any rate, someone has gone to a lot of trouble to keep wife from being informed. So I think contacting her is vital.

As far as your wife's job, I would hate for her to lose it, ESPECIALLY if OM is leaving. Also would she be able to get a similar job if she was fired for having an affair?

Possibly not, but definately not paying the same. Security companies are scetchy sometimes. If you get fired from one, I would doubt you'd be hired by another.

She also told me she was going to have somebody confirm that he was quitting, well, that person had no clue of any of this, he didn't even know the guy.

Funny about the insite you all have. My wife wasn't the one spying one me so to speek. She has this girl named blah at work spying on me.

I guess this girl is telling her about all the "bad" stuff I say(didn't realize I was saying bad stuff) and evidently not telling her about how I'm pouring my heart out trying to figure out how to save my marriage. She said I said something about checking bank accounts and stuff like that. Funny I read through and saw nothing about bank accounts.

However she saw my post in the divorce forum that I posted about how would it look if I filed a divorce first. I posted that because my wife said she was joining the Navy, whch means she would have been taking the kids away from my family and me. Right now my children are all I have left and I wanted to preserve what I had left.

So she told my wife about that and my wife promptly went out and filed for divorce. Funny thing is I left that post up open on the computer all day and she didn't notice? LOL

Amazing the stuff that's going on. I'm trying to save a marriage and I have two women, not just one trying to break it up. I talked to her today, and she told me she didn't want to get too involved, I wouldn't mind knowing what that definition was.

So when blah reads this, I hope your happy, I hope you are happy living in the fact that your are helping break a family up that has a father and a husband desparately trying to work things out with a confused wife. Did she tell you how happy we have been in the past? For the rest of our marriage? Probably not, you've only heard about the bad stuff for the past two months. I'm sorry you are having trouble with your "boyfriend". I'm having trouble with a family that could be resolved with positive help. Thanks for your consideration. Oh and thanks for telling her that I'm listening to a bunch of people with problems. It seems to me that these "troubled" people do nothing but care and try to help.

Navyredman -

Sorry this is happening to you. What a nightmare! I really thought it was your wife reading here. It's too bad that your wife's friend didn't read any of the articles here about how to save marriages.
If she had taken the time to check us out, she would have seen that we very seldom advise folks to divorce. That is because most marriages can be saved, and grow to be better marriages. Unfortunately that is a very unpopular view in today's society.
But we can still help you. I would still advise you to expose them at work. OM's wife still deserves to know that she has a cheater for a husband. Your wife may be filing for a divorce so when she is exposed at work, she can say that you were divorcing anyway.

Don't know, but now I can't even talk to you kind folks without wondering how it's going to be twisted. I guess that's alright though since I haven't actually said anything bad against her or about working things out. I guess today hurts though because I finally figured out that she's only gonna believe what she wants to hear.

Another thing that hurts is that she would say a board full of people that are here for no other reason to help or be helped are troubled. How sad.

Navyredman -

They all only believe what they want to hear. That is standard with the WS. Don't worry about it.

And we are used to being called whaco's too. That is another standard line. But you will find people here who will support you and help you more than your own family or friends. That is because, until you have gone through this, you have no idea of the pain involved.

There have been many WS's who said all of us here were crazy, who are now posting. Check out Myrta who is now posting in Recovery with her BS, Stanley.

So anyway, you are a long way from having to give up. Stick with us, and we will help you. When I first came here, I was a worse mess than you. Melody and the others carried me through. I promise you that things will get better for you. Please don't give up.

navyredman, Miss "melissa" is no "friend" of your wife. A real friend would not sit by while your family and your children's lives are destroyed in an affair with a sleazy married man. A real "friend" would help her friend do GOOD THINGS, not bad things.

So, I have no problem if this "friend," melissa does not think highly of the folks here, because no one should think highly of a sleazebag who calls herself a "friend" and aids and abet the destruction of a family so her friend can be "happy." [with a married man] I guess we should be grateful that your wife is not a serial killer, because "friends" like melissa would be encouraging her to "do what makes you happy."

melissa, some day when the left brain kicks in, you will be very ashamed that you played a part in obstructing a decent man from saving his marriage and children from a sleazy affair. You will be deeply ashamed that you played a part in breaking up this family so your "friend" could rut with a married man. I hope you are proud, melissa.

She told me when I was on the phone with her that she was kinda going through the same thing and I thought oh well then she can relate. Then she said boyfriend, and I was thinking, you've got to be kindding me. She relates to this with a botfriend compared to a wife and children.

At the time, I thought she would help me because I told her I needed support to help save my marriage. That's when I found out that she reports stuff that other people say as me and evidentally twist the words I have said around. I haven't spoke an ill word towards my wife or about my marriage but it's funny how in counseling my wife was talking about all kinds of things that not olny did I not write, but I don't even remember reading.

Yea, so now not only do I have to worry about overcoming an affair, but I have to overcome a friend twisting a turning my words on me when she obviously doesn't even have the whole story. She told me on 2 occasions that she didnt want to get in the middle of this, or take sides, well, to me it loks like she put herself right in the middle and took the opposite side of what I'm trying to do. Don't want to say my wife, because doesn't seem like she's on her side either if she's feeding her twisted information that I didn't write.

you might want to tell your wife that we at marriage builders are not sitting her to help others, we are here to help OURSELVES and others....see what i posted on recovery thread to you red.

it's not too late red, your wife is in total fog. when you implement a tough plan b w/harley's help, you may see the woman you fell in love w/again. it's almost as if they wake up from a very long dream (or nightmare)....they aren't thinking w/the right rational when the affair is still continuing......talking to NON PROFESSIONALs for free will end up costing you more than dr. harley's fee.

navyman, is it cancergirl like you thought?

Don't know, still haven't heard back from her, I don't want to piss her off if it's not though

Turn of events though, this morning my wifes friend called me and was yelling at me that I should not write stuff about her on the internet and so on so forth. I told her she shouldn't be interfering with my family. Things got heated and that was it. So I called my wife and told her what happened and she then denied that she said her friend said any of that. The sad part is she said it in front of our counselor.

I'm so sick of the lies and deceit. this is not the woman I love. I want her back so bad. She's lost and I'm lost without her. This is all out of control and I have no handle to hold on to. She wants me to hate her and I think she has me close. I've never hated anybody, but after dragging somebody else into this using another person as a scape goat, it's just all gone too far.

I don't know if they're playing a game to make me look bad or what, but I'm literally sick of it. I checked the scale today, and have lost 21 lbs. Somebody I haven't seen in t2 weeks told me today that I look horrible and thin.

How long can I do this to my body before I wind up in the hospital? I eat and drink, but I can't sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night shivering and drenched in sweat. This is by far more than I have ever handled.

Nay...
as a BW (Betrayed Wife) I would hope that you relentlessly persue to find the OM wife. She deserves to know.

How I had wished the OW's boyfriend had approached me two years ago with his proof. Instead he ran away and kept the information to himself. I understand time tells all truth's, but at the time I was wearing myself into a frenzy trying to find any evidence. If only he had approached me, alot of heartache, pain and energy could have been saved.

Please...Please...do all you can to warn the other wife. You will be beginning to stop the endless cycle of hurt that Affairs do. Starting with doing the right thing.

And...
on the Melissa front. In my case, the OW had so called 'friends' too who helped the A along. They lied, spied and betrayed a young family. Most of all, my children were the one's who were hurt the most. To people like that...
all I say is...
Karma, Karma, Karma....
What goes around comes around. You reap what you sow. Either good or bad. Karma can be grand or it can be a [censored]!
Godspeed!