I've been calling my husband, husband rather than WH for a while now, but since he's been acting like a WS...we'll just call him that again.

Okay, he went to the lawyer Thursday and apparently started divorce proceedings.

Then, I took DD10 to the movies last night....he hadn't heard from me all day. When I got home @ 11:30 without DD10 (She stayed at a friends), he was grilling me about why she didn't call him all day, etc.

Now, today, he gets up this morning, being pretty close to human, and he asks me to please have DD10 call him. I said "Okay, I'll tell her" Then he says "So, what are you going to do today?" I said "I dunno, I'll figure something out". So I called DD10 at her friends, and told her to call her Daddy.

About 3 minutes after I'd called her, the phone rings and it's WS. He asks me what I'm doing and if I told DD10 to call him. I said "I'm cleaning the bathroom, and yes I asked her to call you" So then someone beeps in on his other line, and he says "Oh, that's probably her" I said "Okay, bye".

So about 11:45 I left the house, went to a friends to borrow a bathing suit, stopped by another friends just to say hi, and then went to the friend's house where my daughter had spent the night, and we took the kids swimming.

My WH called around noonish, and says "Someone pick up the phone......." and then he says "Okay" and hangs up.

Then he called again about 1:30 and says "Oh, I've been calling and the line has been busy, now suddenly no one is answering....alright, whatever"

So when I get home and listen to the messages, I called him and said "What did you need?" (Because that's what he says when he returns a call from me) He said "Nothing....what'd you do today?" I said "I just ran around a little bit, then took DD10 swimming" He said "Where'd you go?" I said "We swam at Denissa's" He said "Where did you run around to?" I said "Oh you know, I had things to do, people to see" (Also another one of his lines) He said "NO...where were you?" So, since I don't have anything to hide, I told him where I'd been.

Then he said "Are you gonna be there when I get home tonight?" I said "I'm not sure" He said "What do you mean you're not sure?" I said "I don't know, I might be" He said "I want you there when I get home" I said "Okay."

So now he just called me back again and said "What were you planning on doing tonight?" I said "I wasn't sure, I don't know what I'm gonna do" He said "Caren, this isn't going to work" I said "What isn't?" He said "You coming and going as you please, and not telling me where you're going" I said "Why, you do the same thing to me" He said "Caren, you're still my wife, and you're not going to just leave and me not know where you're at or what you're doing" I said "You told me you didn't care what I did" He said "Well you're still my wife, and I want you there when I get home". I said "I told you I'd be here when you got home." He said "And don't make any plans to do anything" I said "Why? Do you want to do something with me?" He said "Yes, I wanna do something" and he said "And since you are still my wife, I want you to fulfill your wifely duties (SF)" LMAO!!!!!!!!

He wants to divorce me, but he doesn't want me to go places without him knowing, and he still wants to have SF with me.....He's insane.

-Caren

sounds like he is coming out of the fog in a weird way is seeing youstart to move on and doesn't like it. i think he is afraid you will find someone else. that is my best guess either that or he got dumped

Caren - Just keep on doing what you are doing. It seems to be working. I would especially concentrate on having a nice life without him. That might bring him around.

poor WH....doesn't like the the way you are acting....too bad.

Of course he doesn't like you doing things Caren, he doesn't trust you because he knows what he did when he did as he pleased.

Putting his BS on you, I guess they forget who stepped out on who Huh?

This might be a good time to remind him you aren't a servent or hired help, you are his wife and expect much better treatment than you have been getting.

I guess after reading your threads I'm just kinda sick of your Hubby's behavior, much like KMEJ's Hubby pisses me off.

RM

It's quite strange, because just 2 days ago....he didn't want me anymore, and he wasn't going to be sorry that he filed for divorce, and he wanted me out...etc, etc.

Apparently he doesn't like it when the worm has turned.

-Caren

Caren,

I went through this same game with my WWXW. Her attitude? You can't have me and you can't have anyone else...doesn't make much sense does it?

After the divorce was final she accused me of cheating on her and showing the kids a bad example by dating and having woman friends over!

I said "Uhmmm, we're divorced and you live with a married man...HELLO!"

He's pulling the same crap Caren, I don't want you, you can't have me but you can't move on either...how dare you!..lol

How dare you show him you can get by without him, that your world doesn't revolve around his foibles and faults, that you aren't at his beck and call.

Been through it...he'll either come around the more you show your detachment or you will divorce.

Thats it...depends on what he wants or how much more you can stand

Good Luck, it'll make you nuts

RM

Not sure how to approach tonight though.....he get's home in like a 1/2 hour, and I'll be here, just like I said I would...but then what?!

I don't even know what to say to him.

I've been thinking since he called on what to say to him when he comes home.

I mean he basically said he wants SF, should I say "I'm really not comfortable having SF with someone who isn't in love with me"

I dunno.....I guess I'll play it by ear.

-Caren

I can't really give you any good advice on exactly what to say with this specific case, but I will say that I think you are possibly at a critial moment as the others here have said...

I think if you give in, meaning being accountable like your WH says, that it will just spin your WH back into divorce mode. I think you have a good chance here, but you have to be strong. I'm sure it's difficult though. At least very tempting to offer the world to him, hoping that will work.

Caren,

Darling...you do not have to have sex with him, it is your body to give not his to demand.

How friggin disrespectful but then thats nothing new around your house.

If you don't wanna don't do it, if you do then do.

It's up to you but after speaking that way the last thing I would do is have sex. Control darling, control....don't give up your power.

AND...you be accountable for your time when he is, you be accountable when he decides to be.

Power...don't give it up...detach and show life goes on with or without him

RBM

Caren, no SF! Are you his hoe? The man is demented and trying to drive you crazy. This is attitude is the kind of thing that makes me mad. And it's why I cannot agree with the folk who believe God gave men and women certain roles in marriage. Your WWWWWH wants to believe in "women's duties" but isn't buying into the "men's duties" thing. It's been this way through history, men are held to a different standard than women. What an excuse.

On the other hand, do you think he might be trying to serve you tonight? That's why he's anxious about where you are.

No, I don't think it's that he's trying to serve me tonight...I think it has more to do with him being scared about what I'm doing when I'm not informing him where I am, he's acting jealous.

He had to go somewhere with his son this evening, and he said "Will you be here when I get back?" I said "I dunno, why?" He said "Because I want to make love to you tonight"

MAKE LOVE TO ME? YOU'RE DIVORCING ME.

I'm really just about done with all of this, I'm tired of the fight, I've really fought about as hard as I can, I did everything I could to save this marriage, and I'm just too tired to fight him anymore. I'm gonna give him the divorce and move on.

I have this sneaking suspicion that when I start to comply, along with my new found independence and he's gonna back out of the whole D thing. But really, it's getting dangerously close to being way too late for me.

-Caren

How about saying "I'm sorry I don't want to." And if he pushes for why "Because I don't feel like it"

It should be as simple as that. You are under no obligation to do anything you don't want to do, period. Be strong!

Miker

Oh, I am so thrilled that now the power is in your hand! Be strong!

CarenMc,

I think what this is about, is that you refused to leave "his" house - claiming that you have a right to use it since you are his wife. He was steamed about that and has been off doing what he probably regards as "thinking". And this thought is the harvest of his mind: "If you have the right to use his house just because you are his wife, then he has to the right to use you just because he is your husband."

That, I think, is what he "thinks".
What do you think?

-AD

Caren,

Your response is a good one. He m/b setting you up. Remember he still has to prove he is fit. However, right now the only jacket he can wear is a white one with lots of long straps. LOL!!!

No SF with a stinky WS. OK?

Be safe and sane.

Hugz,
L.

There's a big difference between having SF and making love. Does he want you as a living blowup doll for relief or does he truly want to make love to you? Is it one sided for his benefit or does he want the mutual sharing and togetherness that love should be?

Just say NO. This would be another part of the marriage he needs to earn his way into.

Hope your night was safe and you did not have to do what you did not want to do.

Caren:

You said about your H:



I would agree with that! If this is so, we can't use rational thinking to figure him out.

I would continue to focus on yourself and stop trying to figure him out. He is not making any logical sense.

Try to make sure that what YOU do is based on logic and reason and not become entrenched in his crazy way of thinking....

Caren,

Mind you...this is just my opinion.

I think that what you and he are doing is your own "mating dance". This dynamic has existed in your relationship with him for years. If memory serves me correctly, you were the one in the past that pulled out the "divorce card" to shake things up a bit in the marriage.

Now, that being said...I am NOT placing fault or blame to anyone in particular. I am saying that you BOTH have developed this little dance...unique to your relationship. Now, the only way for it to stop...is for one of you to stop dancing...and I think that is where you are at right now. How to get him to stop is another thing entirely. I would suggest that you just keep refusing to dance unless you want that same ole music to keep playing.

JMHO
committed

Yeah, I agree...it has been a sort of "dance", I want to stop it though.

Oh, btw, he did want to "Make love to me"....he was slow and caring, but I was bawling my eyes out. He was going to stop because I was crying.....but I wouldn't let him, I just wanted to be close to him.

Afterwards, he said "2 questions, why weren't you able to climax, and why were you crying?"

I said "It's just very sad, I don't want our marriage to be over." He held me all night long, and the next morning called me after he went to work(Oh I friggen agreed to get a dissolution, in a moment of weakness--a statement I'm going to have to back out on) and said "You gonna be able to handle sleeping in bed with me, because SS16, will be sleeping on the couch" I was crying, I said "Is that what you called to ask me?" He said "No, I also wanted to talk to you, to tell you to have a good day." I was still crying and said "I'll try" he said "Please don't cry baby, I love you".


Mixed signals much ?

-Caren