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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions Why Why Why

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Why Why Why #1421809 07/09/05 03:00 PM
Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 316 J joanna32 Member
joanna32 Member J Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 316	Why is it that a lot of ws want out of their marriages after discovery of the a. they seem content until you catch them and confront them. is it the embarassment , shame, guilt. i am so confused. i just keep hearing him say i want a d because a bunch of excuses.mostly because he doesn't think anything will work and he doesn't want to try. but he seems concerned about me but other time it seem that he hates me i am really down today Me BS32 WH 31 d-DAY may 30, 05 2DD ages 12&2 Headed for D fast reside in KY Married 4 years together 8 Go figure thinks he is a good father 4 days a month. Left our home moved in with OW

Re: Why Why Why joanna32 #1421810 07/09/05 03:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2001 Posts: 17,837 O Orchid Member
Orchid Member O Joined: Jan 2001 Posts: 17,837	Because they got caught with their pants, down! Embarressed, yes. Remorseful, probably not. Unstable and babbling, definitely. Nothing to understand. It is not meant t/b logica. Just know and be foreward and protected. L.

Re: Why Why Why joanna32 #1421811 07/09/05 04:00 PM
Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 1,236 S starz Member
starz Member S Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 1,236	I think they want out because they have bought into their own lies. They have rewritten history, and convinced themselves that they were never happy and never will be with you. I believe if we hang in there long enough, most of them will wake up, recognize they were wrong, and try to save the marriage. Sometimes we can't stop the divorce, though, if they pursue it. They weren't content during the a - they were LYING. To us, to themselves, to the world. They have convinced themselves. It will take time for the fog to lift and for them to see truth instead of their own self-propagated falseness. I have down days, too. Treat yourself to a bubble bath and a nice glass of wine. Candles, even. You deserve it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I eat animals.

Re: Why Why Why Orchid #1421812 07/09/05 04:00 PM
Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 316 J joanna32 Member
joanna32 Member J Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 316	yeah i understand but am feeling antsy todya must be the meds. still am not sleeping the best. wish i could make it passed 3am lol. Me BS32 WH 31 d-DAY may 30, 05 2DD ages 12&2 Headed for D fast reside in KY Married 4 years together 8 Go figure thinks he is a good father 4 days a month. Left our home moved in with OW

Re: Why Why Why joanna32 #1421813 07/09/05 04:52 PM
Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 56 H Hurtsalot99 Member
Hurtsalot99 Member H Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 56	And don't forget they have the "security" of the OP for support in their destruction of our marriages. This has been a bad day for me too. My WW is out of town, telling her family what a bad H I have been. Hard to sleep, hard to function. It doesn't seem fair after 23 years of a wonderful marriage that she could do this. Giving up is not an option, we must go on for ourselves and become better people out of this brutal lesson we are dealing with. I am going to take my adult DS to a movie later and try to get my mind off this mess. Have a good evening j32, and let's hope tomorrow is a better day.

Re: Why Why Why Hurtsalot99 #1421814 07/09/05 06:54 PM
Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 316 J joanna32 Member
joanna32 Member J Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 316	well it couldn't get any worse between hang up calla and feeling weird all the time. i feel stressed and frustrated. all at the same time and it doesn't help when i dread the phone ringing. i am really tired but can't sleep at least not for very long. I know that my marriage is worth it but it is really hard sometimes to resist the temtation to just walk out or leave the state. say forget your not worth all the trouble i am dealing with. if i just didn't love him so much it would help. Me BS32 WH 31 d-DAY may 30, 05 2DD ages 12&2 Headed for D fast reside in KY Married 4 years together 8 Go figure thinks he is a good father 4 days a month. Left our home moved in with OW

Re: Why Why Why joanna32 #1421815 07/10/05 05:54 AM
Joined: May 2005 Posts: 267 T TheRealArt Member
TheRealArt Member T Joined: May 2005 Posts: 267	Right now it's like starz said, they have bought into their own lies. They have been living in a fantasy and now the fantasy has popped out into the real world where they have to deal with it and make a choice. The fantasy at present seems like the better choice because for the past bit it has been more fun, more exciting.....give it some time and it won't be, it will be reality. Its why so many 2nd marriages from affairs fail, the reality just wasn't as good as the fantasy, but it's too late to go back to where you use to be. Art Romans 7:24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. Married to my beautiful and gracious wife 26 years 1 son 1 daughter both grown In SA recovery since July 2003 Christian faith

Re: Why Why Why TheRealArt #1421816 07/10/05 06:12 AM
Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 316 J joanna32 Member
joanna32 Member J Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 316	thanks guys that really helps a lot Me BS32 WH 31 d-DAY may 30, 05 2DD ages 12&2 Headed for D fast reside in KY Married 4 years together 8 Go figure thinks he is a good father 4 days a month. Left our home moved in with OW

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