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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 120
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 120 |
"I love you, but I am not in love with you".
I heard this statement before from a confused girl 18 years ago.Her life didn't turn out so well. I never thought I would hear it from my wife.
We have been in recon for 2 weeks. I let her know about my feelings regarding a trip she wants to take with her sister.The last trip she took was where she met om and D-day followed shortly after that. She understands why I don't want her to go,but she keeps saying she doesn't want me to control her. she is refering to my jealous tone I never had before.I made some ultimatums regarding her Friendships I shouldn't have made also.
We started to talk last night. maybe I pushed to hard. I just did not feel like I was getting anything in return for my recon efforts.She says now that is because she all of a sudden is out of love?? she said she wanted more attention and affection, that was the excuse for A. I have always been that way so rekindling that for me was easy. Now she saying that she is the one that is pushing me away because she feels love but not the right kind of love all of sudden. I am just really confused right now. she wants something I give it, she doesn't want something. what is it??
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
What is "recon?" How long ago was her affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 120
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 120 |
Reconciliation. The A was 3 weeks ago. It lasted only a week before I caught her. she didn't even know the guy. she met him through a mutual friend on a short trip and began seeing him shortly after returning home.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Then she is likely still in the affair. I doubt contact has ended.
Who is this OM? Is he married?
Was this her first affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
kdh, I would suggest that you go with her on this trip. She needs to understand that in order for your marriage to recover, she has to EARN TRUST that she has destroyed with her affair. She is untrustworthy. So running off on a trip like this does nothing to build trust, but further erodes it. Can you go with her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 120
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 120 |
Yes this is her first affair. We have been married for 7 years and together 14 years on July 25th.I don't know the guy. He was a friend of a friend that I immediately terminated friendship with. He is most likely single since my exfriend was single.I have been much more obsevant since I found out and I do beleive contact has stopped.
I just get the feeling from her that she expects me to trust her after 2 weeks. she doesn't seem to be able to comprehend how she shattered our trust.She is 29 and I am 35. I just think my maturity level is higher and she doesn't get that she committed adultery. It's like she just cheated on boyfriend or something.
She is somehow convinced that she is not in love with me anymore. maybe this is true and I just can't except it after 14 years.I really don't know right now.
As for the trip. I don't want to go and I can't afford to. The trip isn't even neccesary. It's for a sales conference that could be skipped without consequence.I explained the trust issue, but I just don't think she is connecting with how I feel.It just seems like it's all gone all of a sudden.
I have been trying to step foward and forgive. she just seems so distant. I brought this up last night and that's when she told me she loved me but was not in love.
I just can't imagine my life without her. everything was so great and then bam, it's gone.
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