Delivered exposure letter this morning. Overwhelming feelings of guilt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Now I have a secret. Do I tell WH or just wait til he finds out. Received e-mail from OW's H. He DID NOT know, but had suspicions. Left # for me to contact him.

What do I do now?????

WH made it a point to come to Church with DS & I today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks,

Kim
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 5
Married 13 years

Don't have guilt. It don't be a secret long. I'm sure the sh** will hit the fan soon enough. I would talk to OWH ASAP. Do this before there is a chance the "lovers" can make up a better story. You and OWH can exchange information and face the WS with the same data.

Another good use of your time would be to practice Orchid's reverse babble. I have a hard time thinking on my feet. Since all WS go from the same script, you can pretty much know what they are going to say. Read through some of the exposure stuff and babble info to give you an idea of what to say back to WH. You can be more effective.

You will probably have to start thinking about what the next circle of exposure will need to be but don't discuss it with WH.

Kim,

Take a deep breathe and relax. You have done a good deed and now the OW's H will need to assimulate this matter. Expect the hurricane of hate t/b headed your way but stand firm. You did what you needed to do and don't apologize for it. Let the WS know that if he gets more stupid, there w/b more coming. No details, just general statements. Trust me, WS' don't like threats and hate general statements. Part of their disease is to know exactly what the BS is up to so they (WS and OP) can make their next move. Remove that from their equation and the A starts to get messed up. Many a WS will then or even an OP will begin to pressure the BS into getting the details. Don't give it to either of them, no matter how tempting it may be. WS and OPs koow how to take info and turn it against the BS on a dime. That is the one thing they are quite good at.

So learn reverse babble, batten down the emotional hatches and be ready for the WS/OP hurricane that w/b headed your way.

Keep posting. Has your personal support group been notified yet? If not, do so immediately. Let them know you will need their support 100% at this time.

take care,
L.

Well done ! Your recovery stats now. there will be a storm though.

I would call OWH. in my case OM GF was a great ally in securing and ensuring NC at the start.

Well done !

Thanks Orchid & Grapegirl!

How in the h*** do WS keep a secret???? This is about to drive me insane & I have a sick feeling in my stomach. I have NEVER kept anything from my H.

I am scared to contact the H in person b/c of his "supposed" abusive behavior. I will contact him via phone.

My sister and a close friend know what I am going through. Have already spoken with sis today.

I am terrible at thinking on my feet......Have played through in my head a few "justifications" for my exposing. ARGH.

So I should just wait????

K

Ow's H deserves t/b upset, angry and mad as h3ll. Ok, given that realize that Ow's H has probably been given a bad rap just to justify the A. Who knows what bad rap you have been given to justify the A? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Your job was to let OW's H know. Contact him with a friend present if you must but return his call or meet with him in a public place with friends close by.

He does need to know. How he digests it is up to him. Mention Surviving an Affair and LOve must be tough books, plus His Needs/Her Needs. The 1st and 3rd are by Dr Harley and the 2nd book is By Dr. James Dobson.

Direct him here as needed. Well help if he comes here. You won't even have to know who he is.

take care,
L.

Good girl!!!!! Let's see (digging through papers for the WS exposure response list). Ah, here it is. Expect him to ask how could you do this, now he is filing for divorce, how could you hurt OW's family, this is the last straw, now he's moving out, he can never trust you again, blah, blah, blah.

Your response will be however, nonetheless (whichever you choose to use), I will do what I must to save the marriage.
Or you could pick another mantra. Just remain very, very calm. Know that whatever he says is the same thing they all say.

I hope the OW's husband is not abusive. We hear that all of the time though. It is usually a ploy to get your husband away from his family. It it isn't, then she needs to seek aid from a professional, not your husband.

as for keeping a secret, just remember, he's been keeping secrets from you!!

Good job, Kim! Please call the man and talk to him. NOW. And you don't need to think of any "justifications," you have done nothing wrong. If your H asks, tell him that since he thinks there is nothing wrong with his affair, that you told the OW's H. What is the problem with that?

You DO NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY yourself!

Next, get ready to expose the OW at work, ok?

Good Kim!! that was tough but you DID IT!!

I know you were scared but doesn't it make you feel somewhat better knowing you are taking active steps to recover your marriage instead of watching it slide away? Good job!

Ooops. I think Kim's WH may be telling her what he thinks about exposure.