First: Don't let your wife know what you are doing. Don't give her any warning that you are trying to find the man's wife. Don't give her any advance notice of things you are going to do. Do not threaten to take action. Simply take action when you are ready. Threatening her just gives her a chance to take a defensive posture to protect the affair.
Dealing with Gifts from OM.
One thing you are going to need to do. Your wife is going to be very angry, but you need to do it anyway. You need to take that notebook computer that she got from the guy - just take it and give it to somebody for safekeeping - somebody that will never give it to your wife - and you never tell her who has it. Don't tell her anything about it at all! Let her ask you - but give no reply. Let her guess whether you sold it, smashed it, or hid it. Can you do that? Will you break down and give it back to her when she spits venom at you? She will call you a thief. She will say that it's company property. She will threaten to call the cops etc. etc. She will do all that, but you've got to hang firm and never give it back to her.
Don't destroy it. Don't sell it. Eventually, you are going to have to get the hard drive copied by somebody who knows how to do that - and then collect whatever info you can from it. After that, you should send it to the other man's (OM's) wife. After you connect with her, you can ship it to her by name with a "hold for pickup" order by FedEx or UPS. You will eventually find out who she is and make contact with her. When you do, tell her about the computer and offer to send it to her. She also may be weak and give it back to him. So, you need to get the serial number, take photos, copy the hard drive (as I mentioned above). You may have to get help to do that if you're not into the hardware. If it's passworded, probably the files are not encrypted and all that will have to be done is remove the hard drive and attach it to another computer. It's pretty easy. A smart guy probably won't even have to do that - but actually, it's the cleanest way because it doesn't change anything on the hard drive and allows a complete accurate copy to made.
Money
You say you have no money - gotta buy uniforms etc. Man, you are about to lose your family! Are the uniforms more important than that? How are your kids going to get everything they need after the family splits? Spend your money on the most important things right now. Was that your camper you were living in? If so, sell it. You won't need it. Can you borrow from your folks? Can you trade down your car? Can you trade down your wife's car? Do it! Do you have a piano, a boat, jet-ski, motorcycle, a nice bicycle, anything you can sell to get money to fight this?
-AD
Well, I am very weak when it come to my wife, but lately that's changed a lot. If she was sincerely crying I would give in. That has changed though through all the stuff that's been going on. I'm not sure I can steal it and feel right, I have a lot of morals I am fighting everyday.
As far as selling stuff I'm already in the process. The uniforms are a must, they have to have them for school.
Theres' other stuff, but I have to go for now
be back
