Well, I've been lurking here for a couple weeks and finally thought that it was time to introduce myself. I am very recently wed which makes my situation that much more difficult for myself anyways. We were only married for two months when he told me it was over. We've been together for quite a few years and living together for quite a few years as well.

I guess that I was just wondering if there were any others in my situation. I'm not sure if this site is going to be appropriate for me considering that we were only married for two months. We haven't seperated officially, however we are packing and I am moving out of our house. He is already living away as well.

Before I tell my whole story and open up my heart I was just wondering what the feedback is from everyone. I feel like I'm goign through a divorce just like the rest of you, however I never really got to feel married, so it's strange.

Thanks for listening, any comments or thoughts are appreciated. Oh, and I can't tollerate anyone telling me that he's a chicken or selish or a horrible person for bailing so early because you just don't know my story yet, so I'd ask for your patients before attacking him. (I'm only saying this because I tried another site and that was the overwhelming response I got from there).

We have posters with all kinds of situations here. And one thing I've noticed is that no one's situation is unique. You'll find people of all types with varying opinions here; after all, it's a bulletin board. But the wealth of experience you'll find at Marriage Builders is invaluable.

Why not post a little of your history? If you get replies that seem too tough, don't give up. Stick with it. There are many supportive, non-judgemental people here.

I agree, sometimes it is very difficult for us to remove ourselve from the sitch caouse it is so close to home. Plus, keep in mind that although this is the D-ing board, it is a PRO-M site so they may effect the answers you get here.

You might not truly feel Md since you barely got started, but a "few yr" long relationship is still a major loss!

Let it out, most here are very good at being diplomatic. I have more than one friend here who is a former WS and I would not trade them for the world...it takes all kinds! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ok, well, my story really is that simple. We were together for five years and living together for three, as I mentioned married for two months before he dropped the bomb. I guess maybe I saw it coming I don't know.

What I need out of this site is more for myself, not for our marriage or relationship. I wonder about the people that I attract, the sacrifices that I make as a person. I have forgotten about myself and it's hard to bring myself into beleiving this is what my life has become. My husband is incredibly honest, genuine and reasonable. He simply fell out of love and realized after walking down the aisle that marriage he wasn't ready for.

Of course I'm devistated, but I can't force him to catch up to me. Many people tell me that I should leave kicking and screaming, but I'm just not going to do that. I respect his view and know that I can't keep us together alone.

Now it's me against the world again. I'm sad and already grieving the family that I didn't have. I wanted kids right away and now that's gone. I can't even imagine going through all of this again. Meeting, dating, learning, falling in love, trusting, it's all so crazy to imagine. I thought that part of my life was over, yet it's just begun. I'm spinning out of control faster than I can catch up.

I am seeing a councelor, I hope that she will help me to the right path. Well, here's to you all, hoping I get some good advice and feedback. Thanks all.

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Do you have people where you are who can support you? What about your own family - do you have a relationship with them? It's good you're seeing a counselor; often an impartial third party can help put things into perspective. There are also things on this site which can help individuals improve themselves. One example would be the "Emotional Needs Questionnaire" which helps you identify what those are (it also helps communicate those to your spouse or any future relationships). Here's a link:
ENQ link
Question for you: Are you and your husband equally determined to end your marriage? Or is one more "for" ending than the other?

He wanted out and told me so, two days before our two month anniversary. We didn't even get the chance to be married. What happened was he wasn't ready for marriage until it was too late. Everyone harps on me that he made the decision and walked down the aisle and now he should face what he's gotten himself into. But I don't agree. He's miserable with me, sadly. He doesn't know who he is and needs to find himself. He's having a life crisis and getting married instigated all of it.

He's just two steps behind me, not ready, plain and simple. He is a loving, caring, compassionate man. That's why I married him. He wanted nothing more than to make me happy, and that's why he married me. He got lost in giving up himself for me, and woke up two months after marrying me realizing that he doesn't know what he wants from life.

I don't know if I'm telling my story very well or not, but it's so much less about divorce and so much more about the rules of love. I think both of us came into this with one mind set and that was to make the other happy, all the while forgetting about ourselves. That is why I am left without a home I can afford, with no job and no hobbies because I gave up my life for him, and that's wrong. He did the same and now were here.

Anyways, that's my story.

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So how can we help you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

New,

Tell you what, it will take awhile for the divorce to work its way through the system and even then your relationship may not be dead. Here is what I would recommend. Get several books that the author of this site wrote. You can find them in libraries, you can go to Barnes and Noble, you get even buy them here.

But the point is go get His Needs Her Needs and get Surviving an Affair. I mention the last one not because he is having an affair, but because you will see reasons for why people leave a marriage. Some of them may apply to your situation.

You sound as if you are accepting his decision and frankly that is all you can do with regards to him, but with regards to yourself, I think some education is in order. You need to understand yourself better, your needs better, your expectations better,and marriage better, so that the next time you go down the isle your marriage will have a better chance.

You never know as you learn things even this one may be saved. He saw the "light" and decided to get out, but he may seen another light later. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> However, I think there were and are issues in your relationship with him that are messed up and you need to learn what they are and address them even if he won't.

This may not build the marriage you have, but it sure will build the marriage you will have in the future. Welcome to MB and I think you will learn a great deal here.

I know this is sad, but at least there are no children involved in this breakup, and it is an OPPORTUNITY for you to learn new and important things, please use this event as such. I know you are hurting, and you will continue to hurt, but you can learn a lot here.

God Bless,

JL

I got divorce in February 2005. I was with my ex-husband for a total of 7 years and we were married for almost 3. While we were dating, my ex cheated on me and had a baby by another girl. We parted for a year and then fournd our way back to each other. Shortly after that we got married and I was the happiest I could ever be. My ex had changed completely. He was very faithful and committed to our marriage. After 2 years of our marriage, I started feeling as though I wasn't happy. I started feeling as if I was missing out on something so I started going out and eventually I had an affair. My ex-husband found out and divorced me right away. At that time, I didn't realize what I had and it wasn't until he was gone when I realized that I wasn't missing out on life and that I really did have a great husband. I love my ex-husband very much and would like to reconcile with him. Through all of this I have learned a valuable lesson and if he would just give me another chance, that would never happen again. Do you think it is possible to get him back in my life? I've tried talking, emailing, calling and nothing. He always thought that I was so perfect and I think that is what is hurting him the most. I tried to explain that nobody is perfect and that people fall at different points in their lives. I also told him that I would like to grow stronger from this situation, but he just doesn't think so. I would appreciate any advice anyone can give me about saving my marriage.

Thanks all. I've certainly come a very long way since this began. I am trying my best to learn what I can from this demise. I'm surprised at what I am learning in fact. It's just very sad. Thanks for all your help everyone.

new, Just Learning gave you some great advice about the books.

My husband and I have been separated for a year and the divorce papers are just being drawn up now. I knew in my heart the day I had to leave that no matter what happened, no matter how many changes were made, that it was the end of our marriage. True to my beliefs...I did make many changes, husband saw and liked and did say he wanted to work on the marriage--but then managed to explain all that away and here we are at divorce's doorstep.

My point is this. Despite what I believed at the time of my separation--I knew I had to examine myself. I don't want this to EVER happen to me again. There are no guarantees in life, but I sure can put the odds in my favor. While Marriage Builders has not been a success for my marriage, it *has* been a success for ME. I have learned SO MUCH here. I have grown a lot and learned what is likely to make a marriage work.

I urge you to do some reading as Just Learning advised. You are here because you want to learn about yourself...and want to learn how to avoid a similiar situation in the future. The Marriage Builders books, whether there is an affair or not, will help you do that.

I'd like to suggest another excellent book from Dr. Harley that seems to fit your situation - Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders .

Honestly, part of me is afraid that I'll find out that my new husband isn't who I thought he was. I'm afraid that I got roped in by someone who didn't love me as I loved him. I am not quite ready to admit all of this quite yet. I was so sure that things were right when we got married. I would never, ever marry someone if I didn't beleive 100% in it. We talked so much about our heart and our souls through this. We devoted our beings to each other, and so quickly it's all gone. I do'nt believe that he was tricking me or lying to me, I beleive he was doing all that to himself. It's just so hard to admit that there was a mistake and I was any part of it. All I want is to be happily married to a man who loves me and to create a happy family. I don't expect perfection, I know it will be hard.