SI, deployments offer a surreal world. The adrenaline, the power, the sense that tomorrow you could be dead. Living on the edge. It is the ultimate high.

After awhile, you become invincible. Larger than life. And pretty soon, you ave grown so big that you will never fit back into who you used to be.

In that environment, a WS could continue because "why not?" Nothing is going to happen, I am invincible. I have the power of life and death. I am entitled to what I want and need.

This is EXACTLY why we weed out the dishonorable soldier. Because a man or woman of honor, when faced with these feelings of superiority or invincibility, can come through that because their moral code keeps them in check. The person of no honor, no moral character, cannot control themselves. Thus you get Abu Graib. A few soldiers of worthless character let loose in an environment of ultimate power. Shoot, one of those guards was a prison guard back here. But here in the States, he didnt have that kind of power. In Iraq, he had the power of life and death.

She will continue to screw up because she feels entitled. But like I said above, those of low or no character or honor, are always found out by the Army. Usually before they completely screw up. Sometimes, like Abu Graib...we find out a little too late.

In His arms.

Thats exactly what WH said about himself. He has always acted like Mr. Invinsible, I can do anything and get away with everything I want attitude! (mexican machismo thing)
But know its gotten so much worse, like while he was here all he would say is "you dont understand the man Ive become"

I just spat back no I wouldnt understand if you dont speak, thats where we went wrong before why repeat the same mistakes and he just answered your right, we do need to talk things over.

He says he loves us for the same reasons, that we treat him the same. and they he'd pause and just say this whole depolyment changed everything but my intentions are not to loose you, I wont Im NOT! Then he got on the defensive like making him choose to do the right thing turn himself in and end his A was such a dishonorable thing to do to him. I reminded him Im human, I do love you and want to fight for my family marriage but there is only so much I can handle. If your not willing to commit to me wholy then I'll walk away no RUN away, even at the cost of breaking my childrens bubble of a happy family, I couldnt live my life that way, IM NOT. My children and I deserve more than that.

Is that being selfish or just finally seing clarity?

Definitely NOT selfish.

Mortarman, WH read your email and this was his response-

So u thought they wouoldn't proceed with there actions open ur eyes this is the military no matter whats done is done u explain to ur kids why i am behind bars thanks . I am not mad thow i deserve everything that comes to me.

Wow, well see what goes from there !

I just hope that your husband asks for help. They will give it to him and he really needs it.

OK, let me recall the history you've given us from your earlier posts. He's a drug dealer, has an affair with a fellow drug dealer/military woman, continues affair on deployement, does drugs on deployment, and threatens your life.

Are you going to continue asking for advice for another three months hoping that someone tells you what you want to hear, or just keep reposting the same types of problems and not do anything about them?

I have sympathy for you, but you have GOT to save yourself. Asking for advice and not taking it isn't going to do it.

Dobie

thank you for all your help?

No Im not expecting to hear what I want? I honestly think there is hope but then again on another note being by myself these last few months have been great. I only have to deal with him on once in awhile basis.

i do think WH has a chance to change his ways, I have hope.

I dont want to expose the A to the military for the fear of loosing benefits, thats a real stickler. with all the emotional problems of dealind with my children and dealing with deployment isnt easy topping it off with my marital problems. Ive had to put my emotional needs aside for them and I think thats best b/c me believing WH has ended the A and him lying to me would just make it worse. He'll be back in Dec 05 and I will go gun ho on exposure, full plan A or posssible B, with him being here and seeing the reations to it other than reading it and it just being possible B/S.

I have taken everyones advice to the fullest, just not acted everyone of them because i believe its not time?

Just spoke with WH and OW is poed about him not wanting to leave me and family. He's going to request a transfer once he gets back and basically said he'll deal with the consequences.
He said hell still keep me updated.

So you will allow your husband to possibly go to jail, or allow your husband to continue down this path and get someone killed...all to protect benefits? SI, you had better re-look at that because you will be enabling him, and YOU will be responsible for him being destroyed or someone being killed. You will. I read his email there and dont see where he is going to go talk to the commander. Is that correct? So, he is just going to wait until the MPs come get him, and you are too.

When he gets back in Dec???? Odds are, he wont be back in Dec. At least not as a soldier. Wake up SI, he is dangerously close to being arrested. He is dangerously close to getting someone killed. Do you want someone else's blood on your hands, all because you wanted benefits?? I am being harsh here because you need to wake up and fast. Your life, your kids' lives, your husbands life...and maybe someone else's life, are about to be changed forever because neither your husband nor you had the guts to stand up and do the right thing. Yo uare sitting back and HOPING nothing happens. Why dont you just sit your kids in the middle of the highway and HOPE they dont get hit by a truck. It's the same thing! You have the PERFECT opportunit for exposure here BECAUSE he is in the military and deployed. Because he has a commander that will order him to end the affair and end the drug usage. When he gets back, what will you have?? If he makes it back without killing someone or getting arrested. I am trying to warn you here...they know what is going on. If more than one person knows, then everyone does. If your husband does not come forward, and you dotn go to the command to help him...then they will hammer him hard. And if he gets someone killed...well, your children will be a lot older before they see their father again. This is serious SI!!

You havent acted upon what is right because yo uare scared. And believe me, we understand! I understand. This is scary. But you cannot stick your head in the sand and hope it gets better. It will not.

There was a woman on here a year ago who's husband was cheating on her with a woman in his unit. She didnt want to mess up his career, and he knew it. So he kept saying that he couldnt decide, cake eating...until one day she got the guts to go forward with exposure. And guess what? The affair ended that day...and they recovered their marriage.

I am praying for you and your husband. But God cannot help you unless you are willing to do the right thing. You tell that man he MUST report himself to his commander immediately and that the commander must call you to let you know that he had and what the commander is going to do about it...or, you will contact his commander immediately. Tell him he has no choice. You must stand up for him, for yourself, for your kids and for those soldiers under your husband's command. If he doesnt have the intestinal fortitude to do so, you had better.

Otherwise, this all will not end well. I will sit back now and watch. I do not want to see you end up in a mess. But the odds are not good for you all if you continue down this path. Heed the warnings, SI.

In His arms.

Mortarman, after that email he read from you, he was pissed off at me but said he deserved it.

He's stuck in (un-disclosed destination) and wont be back till a few days to his unit.
I guess he had a chat with OW and what she wanted was for WH to end our marriage and he told her thats not what he wants and wont do it.
He said as soon as he gets back he's gonna ask for his transfer, that i was right all along and if something else comes from it as far as punishment they he'll deal with the consequences but that he wants to make things right for the sake of us and his children.

Shouldnt I give him the opportunity to make things right himself? WH gave me his 1sgt and Sgt masters email address's so I have that info already. He said he'll let me know once he talks to them and what the outcome will be.

Yes, Im scared [censored] and i feel like a coward about this whole situation. But i cant put others lives in danger I can tbe selfish in that aspect.

But shouldnt i let him face up to his mistake if he's willing?

This is what I was talking about. If he does it, this is good. Look, as I said, there wont be big consequences if he reports himself. But since he is POing the OW royally, and she knows about the drugs and affair...wanna bet she decides to report him herself? Remember, she is an OW. Not the smartest cookie in the jar right now. So, by what you wrote above, I thought he was just going to sit back and say nothing, ask for a transfer and then wait for any consequences if it does come out in the open. But, if he is going to go forward, then if the OW or others do report him, it will be too late because he had already reported himself. As I said before, self-reporting always is better than being found out!!

If he's willing. If he is willing to do the right thing. If he wants to just sit back and wait, then no...you cannot wait. If he is going to report himself, ask for help with the drugs, and ask for that transfer away from the OW...then yes, by all means, let him become an honorable man again.

But please, do not let him just sit back and wait. Time is not on his side...or yours.

In His arms.

The wait will be the wait to un-disclosed destination and thats a few days!

Honestly I think OW would rat on him cuz she is poED! and he knows it. She does know about everything and I dont think shed think twice about her going to CO' and rat on him. I warned him , do it before she does!

He said he will confess and ask for a transfer. So Im going to give him a week and let him re-again his honor and be a man bout his actions.
If she does it before him then what else can I say?

Now that's what I am talking about!! Good for you.

In His arms.

AGAIN THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR CONSTRUCTIVE 2x4'S!

I will eventually see clarity with or without him by my side!

SI

Ok as if my life doesnt get any worse!
my son had his IC session late afternoon and he told his counselor about his uncle( WH youngest brother now 18) that he hits my son and (YES it is true it has always been a constant fight with WH, I, MIL, and BIL) He says because my WH used to play fight alot with him, now hes paing back with my kids ! MIL usually just threatens BIL to stop it but never does anything.

well phyciatrist told me she is obligated to report me and BIL to CPS for keeping my son in abusive atmosphere. which she VERY right im not opposing. I should have done something a long time ago. NOW mil is upset saying her son isnt at fault and that im just making excuses for her not to watch my kids! I told her straight out me pleasing others isnt worth loosing my KIDS! So know im stuck in the middle looking for alternative care for my kids because if i keep my kids at my mil, i will get reported to cps.

I emailed WH about it and haven t heard a response. Im not sure if I should even wait out these few months here. Does anyone know about CA law and leaving out of state with kids, without H permission? I have my secure job, home here but im not going to risk loosing my kids.
Ive been thinking about moving back home to TX and getting support from my family but I dont know how WH would react or can he use it against me?

please anyone have suggestions?