Okay - I called the WS - I was frigging nervous but I let it out; and it went something like this.

*Phone ringing*

WS: Hello?

Me: Hey Shan

WS: Oh hi! What's up?

Me: Quite a bit - anyhow, I got a late start this morning so I need to make this quick - I got your e-mail and was just calling you to let you know I can't tag along this week; I've got too much to do

WS: You what?

Me: I have too much to do - I can't tag along this week. Anyways, I need to head out, I'm running late

WS: Like what?

Me: Just a ton of appointments to make and people to meet up with.

WS: Like what?

Me: I have to meet with my attorney, job interviews - stuff like that; oh, I met with my attorney and got the papers and am having them filed; that and I paid the bills - so don't worry about that crap. Anyhow I have to go - I'm running late.

WS: *Sounding disappointed*Okay...

Me: Bye

WS: Hey - before you file anything let me look over it okay?

Me: Okay, *click*

-----------------------------------------------------

Hmmm....thoughts? That felt GOOD.

One thing that strikes me -

Four days ago my WS got mad at me over the phone because I hadn't "Filed the separation papers" telling me to "Hurry up and file them; stop procrastinating!"

Then today, I tell her there are going to be filed and she tells me,

"Hey - let me look over them before you file them."

......quite interesting change of scenery? I guess the grass isn't so green on the other side.

Proud of U!

Have a nice day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

L.

Anyhow - Orchid if you're around, let me know how you think it went and what it means; although I have a pretty good clue.

I'm out to go take care of things, have a lot to do today; will definitely spend today with a smile on my face. Head up HIGH!

Be back later guys! Respond ASAP! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I don't think she really thought you'd do it!

Now she knows you mean business. Good for you!

slh

Post deleted by Fox0r

Anyone?

I'm about to go run some more errands - I'm sure someone out there has an answer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am not expert because I am smack dab in the middle of a mess myself, but I first wanted to say I am happy you sound better today. I have been following your story. I don't think there is a magic answer here. As long as you are doing and saying these things because you want to and not because you want to get at her, then I think you are doing the right thing. It sounds like she wants to control the entire situation and when you took the bull by the horns by not catering to her she got worried. Will this bring her back???? Who knows?? Probably not, but it might make her see that you are an independent man who can stand on his own two feet and maybe she will want to stay by your side because of that.

Like I said...I am NO expert!!! I want all the best for you. You and your wife are so young and I find it admirable that you want to save your marriage instead of just walk away!!

Would I like it if she came back? Of course - however, its time to take control of my life. I'm not going to sit around idly and rot; if she wants to spend time together then she can ask me to; however, I'll pass on simply "Tagging along".

I just think its odd that she was so interested in finding out what exactly it was that I was up to; asking me three separate times, and then telling me to hold off on the papers less than a week after she yelled at me for not filing them? WS blather confuses the crap out of me sometimes.

I'm assuming I should just wait now and not contact her anymore. Let her contact me when its important enough to her? Yes or no?

PERFECT..... GOOD JOB..... TEXTBOOK...


You did not do ONE thing wrong...


Hold the line (this is what my buddies and I used to say when we learned that women will call YOU and PUSUE YOU when you take off all pressure and show a little mystery and confidence...

She WILL call... wait it out for a couple of days here..

If and when she calls, the just do the same routine..

Be nice, act happy, be confident, be a busy man going somewhere with his life, do not talk ANYTHING at all about the relationship or where it is headed or if she is coming back. The more you release the pressure the faster she will start to move back toward you.

No need to worry when you are a man on the go.........Men on the go are attractive to women. Men with confidence are attractive to women. Happy men are attractive to women...


Excellent job FoxOR.
She will be contacting you if you leave her alone and let her come to you. Just stay slightly backed off and don't blow it now or you will be going backwards and lose any gains you are making. Trust me in that she is wondering why you were in a hurry and why you were not your old "please feel sorry for me and take me back" self...

Ha,

Because whether or not she takes me back is irrelevent! Either way I'm moving on with my life; with or without her.

If she asks to hang out sincerely next week; I'm assuming I take her up on the offer if its sincere and none of this "tag along" crap.

I've got priorities in life; first and foremost my job and bringing in money at the moment - once she proves to me shes dedicated about us; she will become my priority; however until then I'm not throwing away my life for someone who can't look me in the eyes and decide whether or not they love me.

Lets say for example she calls me later this week and asks, "Hey - I have my schedule next week and I'm free on xyz, do you want to xyz - then how do I respond? "I'll check my schedule and get back to you?"

I would wait and see if that even happens but it does sound like a good answer. Then don't count on it happeining as the FOG rolls in and out.

Alright,

I'm going to take a nap - got up early to take care of junk and now I'm exhausted; a lot of running around today and even more to do later. Keep posting with the advice; wisdom > all.

ttyl guys -

A

Perfect, Fox. Absolutely perfect. Now go get those papers ready and then MAIL a copy to her. Don't call, just mail them with a note saying, "I know you wanted to look them over, so her ya go. Let me know what you think ASAP and I'll complete the legwork to make it all legal."

That alone will make her call and say, "why didn't you call and tell me the paperwork was ready? I could have come down there and looked them over personally."

Fox: "Well, I wanted you to have your own copy and besides, this week is really packed for me. I know you want to get the papers in place as soon as possible so I thought it best I mail them to you to make sure you see them as soon as possible. Just call me when if you think they're OK and I'll let the attorney know to file them."

WS: (hmmmmmmm...... too busy to meet with me and go over the papers, huh?)

Fox: "Well, Shan, let me know what you think. I'm playing tennis in about an hour and I have to take a shower. Talk to you soon."

WS: "Who are you meeting?"

Fox: "Oh, you remember Joe from CJ class, right? We're playing and then we're going to meet his girlfriend and some of her friends at the bar for a couple of beers. Well, gotta go. Love ya!"

See how this goes, Fox?

I'm proud of you, bud!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

~ Snow

Fox:

Nothing confusing about this at all. This is right out of the Wayward Spouse Handbook, 4th edition, pg 87. paragraph 2. (oh geez, I sound like one of those people always talking about the GD aliens all of the time making the Waywards cheat). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You acting like this is going to be a shock to your wayward. She has been in the position of control this whole time while you ave acted needy, clingy and probably pathetic (WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE). She was comforted to know that she "had a backup plan" always. Stop being that backup plan. YOu should in your mind settle for nothing less than being the starting QB, not some third rate 4th string safety. Don't settle for crumbs, when you should rightfully have the whole loaf.----> Geez, my stupid analogies are even annoying me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Your plan now should IMO be to TRY with all of your might to NOT undo the successes of today. Like the age old dieter who loses 5 pounds....and then eats at an all you can eat pizza buffet to celebrate...don't CALL her and act needy, clingy, and profess your undying love for her, or talk about the realtionship or if she asks you to jump...you ask how hi? Take today's successes for what they are. DOn't try and "read" into this more than it is, otherwsie you will make yourself crazy.

The temptation to contact her and initiate more contact is going to be GREAT. SO, now you have to actually go out and make contacts, get interviews, meet friends, go to a triple AAA basbeall game, etc... You have to do the things that you say that you want to do...YOu need to get the life you say you want....k? There should be no "act" about any of this. Just do it.

Stay strong.

Sour...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lemon, Snow - Thank you.

I plan on going out and having FUN again - I've already been doing it; rafting was awesome. I spent way too much time believing my wife was the only thing in thie world capable of bringing me happiness. Ha; I was WRONG!

If she initiates and wants to do something; what do I do? Her birthday for example is coming up on the 28th and I told her a few weeks ago that I wanted to take her out and celebrate...her exact words were, "Well good, because I know none of my friends will remember its my birthday"

I completely understand not settling for 2nd fiddle; I am her HUSBAND - so when determining whether or not I spend time with her to I equate it to whether or not she's WANTING to spend time with me for ME, or because its the WS wanting to eat cake again? Because I know she's going to want to hang out sometime next week - if she calls and wants to hang out am I just supposed to blow her off!? LOL - that wouldn't look good.

-Snow, the papers are filled out; I'm mailing them to her tomorrow morning. Thank you for that advice; I can't believe I didn't think of that sooner.

Anyhow - write back guys; I'm going out with some friends in a bit; I just had the most relaxing nap EVER. I feel completely refreshed.

God bless!

-A

Fox,

Please heed old man sours' post to you. It has dang near everything you need to know to succeed in it.

Good post lemon and I would just like to add - Fox keep a positive mental attitude and "act as if", as if you already have what you want, AND be lovingly indifferent.

Stay strong guy!

bumps are fun! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Lemon - this obviously doesn't imply that I cut ALL contact with her physically; does it? We are still in Plan A after all; and she does want to hang out - whether or not that is a WS need or not is beyond me.

For instance, as I posted before, her birthday is on the 28th - she is going to want to get together before then too; what do I do when she calls or e-mails and asks about doing something or making plans; after all the whole point of me calling her this morning (in her eyes anyhow) was SUPPOSED to be about getting together with her.

When and how to I arrange such plans? And when they do come up - do I put on the same game face I had on the phone this morning? Cool, calm, and collective; happy but not clingy - i.e. friendly?

God bless -

Fox