Hi,

I received great help from all of you last year when I first found out he cheated on me. I ultimately forgave him and told him I was giving him another chance. Well, it's been almost a year and I recently found out he's sleeping with another married woman who even knows me and is covering up for him. He keeps denying it and I know for a fact it's true. He says those same BS words that he loves me and I'm the only one he wants to be with. That night I found out, he slept in his car in front of the house and was drinking because he was in so much pain. I don't feel anger for him, I actually feel pity and sorry for him that he doesn't know how to love life and everything I've given and offered of myself. I want nothing of him and feel disgusted seeing him, but haven't been able to kick him out but we are definitely not a couple but more like roommates. My love for him is turning into hate and is awful, since I feel so used and betrayed. He keeps telling me that he'll do anything for me to not leave him. He wants to go to counseling, but I doubt someone like him can get help at all. I gave him one chance, and if he messed up that's on him. I offered him my friendship and that was about it. We are not married, but have been together for 11 years almost (this month) with no kids (I was actually thinking of starting this year). How funny things seem to happen and throw 11 years away that quick. Any words from someone who has been cheated on multiple times? I think I need comfort and personally feel myself wanting and needing to go to counseling. It's awful to say, but I do love him somewhere deep down, but at the same time feel disgusted to look at him. Please someone help me and give me some inspiration on this thing called life and why other women willingly will cover up this and go along with these games. Why do men do this, especially since I'm about 8 years younger than him and I'm still in my twenties? It hurts really bad...

You are still in your twenties, and not married. I would give him the boot, and move on. One chance is okay, but not two. It seems like a pattern to me.

Hi Eerie. Girl I feel your pain. I have been with my man for almost 13 years. Have been married 10. Have three children. My man is a repeat cheater. I know for a fact of three (the three that finally needed revenge and made sure I found out). The last one I found out about 3 months ago because his stupid butt got this one pg and I received the paternity papers in the mail. However I truely believe in my heart he has cheated more then 20 times. I have asked all the same questions. How could he do this to someone he loves? HOw could he do this to someone who truely loves him? I've tried to understand his story but the plain truth is you won't understand their story or reasons. I believe that ever time he cheated on me had nothing to do with me. I feel from your post you feel this is personal and it had some reason to do with you. IT DOSEN'T. Some people just want it all. These men feel that even though they are cheating we are the special ones. These women get a moment of their time while we get 95% which to them shows us they love us. They use them. However I know how it feels to feel used, degraded, embarrased, and plain sick. My man even brings these women to my bed. I did have an emotional breakdown after the one 8 years ago and trust me I read every book available on the subject which did help me out. If your not married w/ children then get out. I stay more for my kids. I left my career last year and am stuck. Has your man told you why he cheats? However these women I can't explain. Since yours is a M woman she's probaly just out for the thrill. Don't doubt he loves you. But I do feel once with a serial cheater your in for the same story over and over. So you need to decide can you live with the fact of always waiting for the other shoe to fall? Does he have anything in his past that could make this an illness for him? Mine was sexually molested as a child by a parent so I know his cheating issues go deeper and have nothing to do with me. Do you feel that your man is happy with you? Just curious because I've walked your road.

WOW! First, so sorry! I know this road ALL too well! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Quick note for Momma... WHY is he still your man after all of this? What about this man makes you want to stay?? Girl, you deserve better than this!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

OK, errie, honey... hate to tell you this, but my vote is to move on!

Quick background: My WH was a victim of sexual abuse as a kid and has horrible dysfunctions when it comes to sex, he is an admitted sex addict... Of course this was all news to me as of 5/03 and 12+ yrs of M!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

We "healed" after that first PA and he came clean about other "encounters" ranging from a kiss, to oral sex w/ a man, to chasing OW... Fast forward to January this year...

That jacka$$ did it again... this time he was hot and heavy into her and was even "in love with her" <GAG>!

Then he decides he needs to "think" and moves out but is still in MC/IC and pastoral care. He is over at our home everynight and we even started dating again... well come May 11, 2005 I found solid proof that he NEVER stopped, just got better at covering his tracks and VERY heavy into the lies!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

He begged, cried, waled and pleaded... and it didn't matter because I could not imagine putting myself back in that position the first time, but over and over??? Then there would be something wrong with me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I am worth more than I was getting... my children are worth more than they were getting.... life is not meant to be that way!

You are young, you are smart... and you probably feel like a total heel for being so dumb to trust him again, right? At least that is how I felt! The worst part for me was allowing him to make me doubt myself....AGAIN! No, I am done giving my power away! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

A repeat offender is not one who is easily healed or "cured" and you must decide whether it is worth it for you... I had to make that very hard decision and I decided I could not trust him again and that I did not want to live my life looking over my shoulder or waiting for the next shoe to fall...

You are in my prayers! Crissi

I am new here but I know the pain all to real myself. My H of 5 years has lied about everyone of his A. I just found out about the new one today! He goes as far as taing pictures of his #### and pass them out to women. He has lied about being married and I find phone numbers hidden in the ceiling of the basement. I keep thinking it is me if I change. Well I have changed so much I have lost who I am really am. I love this man but something in me won't let go. He has tried to make think I am crazy. I ask him things and he goes around the bush with it and then says I don't listen to him when he never answered me at all. I have never felt this way in my life and I don't like it. So I feel where you are coming from but that chice is your as well I have mine to make. I am learning now I have become a spy and I have to check on him all the time I have no trust I feel like I have lost so much of who I really am to dance for him and his mess that I have to fight to live with myself as much as him. I tell him to get out,he won't leave. I get the blame for everything or the story turns around on me and I am told I am lying but he never once says about what I am lying about! It hurts when he says he loves me I don't believe him. He has sex with me why? just because I am here and he has a need. It is his world through my life he does nothing to help me I got raped 9/11/2002 and you know what if I was not out looking for him it would not have happend. The guy said he raped me cause my H was sleeping with his wife. I was beaten and raped and left alone in the woods at 2:30 in the morning and then to top it off when iI got the police to come get me to take me to the hospital I was more worried about him than what had happened to me and they went to find him and neer did. The next night he left me home all alone and came home at 6:00 in the morning. But he tells me he loves me!

Your H is a master manipulator. What are you doing about it now?

LC - I thought you said, on another thread, that your husband was accused of sleeping with the perp's GF

This is too true. Look at it this way. Do you want to go through this over and over and over? Or do you want to move on and possibly meet and fall in love with someone who may be faithful to you.

Certainly, if you are contemplating having a family, you own your future children better that they will have with this man as a father.

Who

If you are not married to this man count your lucky stars! You can't change him, he has to do that for himself. Ask yourself this, can you accept him the way he is? Is there any reason to expect that he will change on his own? This isn't about him, it's about YOU. He is who he is and you have no control over him. You have a choice to make. Are you going to waste energy trying to make him into something he is not? Or are you going to use your energy to make a life for yourself without him? You can sit by and let things happen to you OR you can make things happen for yourself!

You are smart that you don't have any children by this man. One of the single most important decisions you will make in your lifetime is choosing the father for your unborn children. Make sure he is someone that will be there for them, emotionally, physically and financially. You know in your heart whether a man will meet these expectations or not. It sounds like the man you are with is all about himself. A man usually shows us his true colors eventually, you just have to pay attention! This guy has shown you his true colors. Now what are you going to do about it? It is YOUR choice.

I vote for moving on. You are still young, there are lots of men out there that will treat you right. You have to believe that you deserve it.

You have to show him that you will not tolerate being treated in this way. Make your plans and leave. Learn from this experience and don't make the same relationship mistakes over and over.

11 years is a long time but the rest of your life is too. Don't spend it with someone like this.

All this is just like my H. One thing I don't know how to do is fall out of love. How do you do that, even though the pain is so painfull, there is still love. We are supposed to be going back to conseling again, but I'm still finding out things about his first A and it just makes me sick, but yet I need to know all to get it behind me. Then slapped in the face with emails from a new OW's H that they were planning on meeting. Sure he said he was so sorry he has put me through all this and he will do everything to make it better, but my guard is up. I told him that he has made me build a wall around me, which he knows it's all his fault. I do everything that he ask of me, but must not be enough. Maybe one day, it will be, til then he knows I won't continue to live like this, for the childrens sake. They lost their real day in 99, and my son still has the anger in him from his dad passing away, my daughter loves my H now and calls him daddy. It is all up to him to change or not and lose all. Just keep your head up and continue on trying to recover from all this.

run...run far away from this man.

he's not your H.

thank God!