Hi,

I have been with my bf for almost 11 years now. I am okay looking and am in my twenties. He's about 9 years older. I have no idea why he cheats on me and was wondering if a cheater can actually answer this question. I have read that they do it for the thrill of it, but is this true and is there a cure and end to all this?

errie, you need to read a book like Surviving An Affair, Torn Asunder or Private Lies in order to answer that question.

There are many types of affairs and many reasons for cheating.

ALL of them hurt and most can be recovered from.

The 'cure' is for both of you to meet the right emotional needs consistently.

Study, and you will learn all you need.

All blessings

If this person is treating you that poorly in a dating relationship, its not going to get better. You don't have a covenant with this person so I wouldn't creat one. Your young and have so much life ahead of you. I would get out now and create a life you deserve. JMHO

I cant answer your question and I am a male. My wife cheated on me. I never have.

Focus on the above and learn from these people. Gender has littl eto do with it now....

While BP above is correct, I personally think the "emotional needs" issue of this is used WAY TOO MUCH as a catch all phrase here. Despite that people here don't want to hear this, or accept this: SOME PEOPLE CHEAT, EVEN DESPITE PERFECTLY HAPPY and CONTENT marriages. They do it because they need to "feel good" and they "need" the external validation that comes with someone showing interest. Yes, the betrayed can try and do all of those things till the cows come home, but it still happens. It is just the way some people are "wired".

Yeah, that reality kind of sucks if you are one who thinks meeting the Emotional Needs of your wayward will "cure" the cheating. It may or may not. Read the books that BP suggested, but realize that in some (perhaps many)cases, a cheater is a cheater is a cheater. People talk about the one "D-Day" that is just an abberation of character, but I truly wonder how many "true D-days" there are in an infidels life. Yes, there is a D-day that the Betrayed finds out about, but is that true reality? I honestly have to wonder. Continuing to meet try and meet those emotional needs after repeatedly being cheated on is a cycle that sadly many can't seem to break. Are you in that cycle?

I would have to ask you to share your story and ask why is it that you are asking this perfectly reasonable question.

This is just my personal .02. I could be wrong (at least according to the masses here), but it is MY opinion nonetheless. You will find many differing opinions on this.

BOL,

LM

P.S. Gender probably has nothing to do with it per se, but I am of the belief that a Wayward Male may cheat more often than not becasue of the reason's I state above, while I think the "emotional needs" theory may be present more often in Wayward Fems. There is no scientific proof either way, and those opinions are based on PURELY anectodal evidence. Take that for what you will.

Both my spouse and I cheated on each other. Hers was first. Mine came a couple of months later. It's not gender specific at all. Read the information on this site. Truly read to understand and it will guide you.

Thanks!

IMHO....gender has nothing to do with cheating.

There is no certain type of person that does it.

It affects people from all walks of life.

There are countless #'s of reasons that people cheat.

Some make sense....others don't.