Weaver Dear....

I haven't seen any threads by you lately...are you Ok?

No not really. Does it show in my post? I thought it was a good one. Oh no was it bad?

I am a little angry with God right now. I am a little angry with MB.

I treated Dan as if he were a sick, lying creep. And he wasn't. He made a mistake when I met him by telling me he was single when he wasn't really divorced. It was only a mistake in judgment on his part.

I spent the last four years making him pay for this, and now he is gone. And I have so many regrets.

He wasn't a bad person, but I believed him to be. I didn't forgive him for that one lie, and now he is gone and it is too late.

I hated myself for hurting his exwife, and I hated him for bringing me into his mess.

And I am sure that I was the worst wife(common-law) of all, because I never for one second let him forget that he had deceived me and brought pain into the world.

Oh how self-riteous and blind I was.

You know Weaver, that "one lie" was an enormous wopper.

It created a landslide of additional iies and consequences for which you are not in the least responsible, even though you were caught up in it.

Perhaps you have entered the resignation/depression stage? Or maybe you are finally coming out of anger stage.

I will say a prayer for you tonight while in my garden.

(((Weaver)))

Going home now...

Thank you Aph.

I love gardening too.

No Weaver....you're too funny! No bad post that I know of.

I have felt like I've lost track of you recently, and when I read your posts on this thread, it struck me that you may not be doing well.

I could actually see the teletype go across my forehead that said - "something's up with Weaver". Not picking on you, just concerned that's all!

I can understand why you're angry with God, but why are you angry at MB, if you don't mind saying? And something about some not feeling your relationship was valid because you weren't "legally" married, you know have the piece of paper?

Sorry if you've gone over all this before....I was out of town for awhile, and will be gone for a few days next week as well...but wanted to catch up with you first!

Hi, Weaver.

Quote:
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Oh how self-riteous and blind I was.
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Were you now?

So, where should the line have been drawn?

If you drew it differently then, where would you be now? Are you sure that you know how differently things would have been for you?

What had he done to address his action(s)?

In another post you had asked me about my past, for me to tell my 'story'. Maybe I will do that in detail one day when I have a good block of time, but in the mean time, I don't think you will see the answer to your dilemma in my experience.

I have run out of brain and time for now. I will address your other post in detail later today.

God bless,
Gimble

I think it is just a stage in the grief process as Aph mentioned Csue, that I am going through. I don't want to be angry with him anymore so I am angry with the place I came to for help.

But then I never really asked for help. I just wish I had spent the past year learning forgiveness and acceptance... working on my inner issues instead of pointing the finger at him.

I have a lot of regrets, and the biggest one being I should have let the past go.

I do have a thread of my own somewhere, but I guess I would rather TJ someone elses. LOL

Gimble, maybe nothing would have changed but I think tolerance for the imperfections of others would have served me better then intolerance. And forgiveness would have gone a lot further than blame.

What did he do to address his actions? I don't really know for sure. He did attend a workshop for a couple of weekends about how to be happy from within. He also spent a lot of his time coming here and helping me with my properties, and asking nothing of me in return. Staying at motels and working here during the day.

Did he ever have that "aha" moment where he saw clearly his mistakes? I don't think so.

I think that him living and working in another state prevented us from being able to really reconnect and work through our problems.

He will be transfering here in October with his job, and will start building his house on the island then. Atleast that was his plan last I spoke to him.

He does have character issues Gimble, but then so do most of us. And you may think infidelity is the biggest of all of them but I disagree. I think rigidness and intolerance may be right up there with the worst of them... and conflict-avoidance. With Dan, I think conflict-avoidance is probably the root cause of all his other problems. For me I think it was the inability to look at my own issues. Too busy looking at his.

People can and do change, but I didn't know how to provide a safe place where changes may have been possible. Or even that that is what I should have been doing. I was waiting for HIS lightbulb moment where he would start the ball rolling in the right direction for us.

2long's post about being loving is where I should have placed my energies, had I really been a loving person.

Anyway, enough of the self-pity. I know what I need to work on and practice in my life now.

Weaver, I think you are referring to getting the log out of your eye. Don't beat yourself up too much, I agree with the others that you seem to be in another stage of grief. You have grown, you continue to grow...don't look back with regret. Look forward Weaver. You have a wonderful life ahead of you. I think myself that one lie Dan told you about his marital status set the stage for you being unable to trust him. He has much growth ahead of him too before, IMHO, he would be a decent partner for the awesome woman YOU are.

{{Weaver}}

Weaver said:
People can and do change, but I didn't know how to provide a safe place where changes may have been possible. Or even that that is what I should have been doing. I was waiting for HIS lightbulb moment where he would start the ball rolling in the right direction for us.

2long's post about being loving is where I should have placed my energies, had I really been a loving person.

We work with the Weaver that IS, not the one that will be, or the one that was.

Often I can look back and see I should have, or could have given different advice if I had been given more information. HOWEVER, I had not been given it, and I could not know differently. Thus it is with you.

My question (that has been going through my mind for about a week) is what are you going to do now.

Please don't be angry. Think about that. God says we are in the refiners fire - it should be no supprise that we often feel the heat. The very same things that cause us to remark "I've been burnt" cause God to say "She's making progress."

You have learned so much. You know you have. Trust that God knows what he is doing. I promise you he does. The problem with me has always been being able to follow his lead.

Remember, he has to deal with US. We who often (speaking for myself now) refuse to listen, and get ourselves into all kinds of trouble that he has to bail us out of. He is a master of letting us suffer the consenquences of our decisions, be they good, or bad.

I marvel at the things you have written lately. What great insight, and knowledge you have obtained. Much of it from the midst of the fire.
The refiners fire looks good on you. I see pure gold, minus many of the imperfections that used to cloud your vision.

No, plese don't be angry that Gods plan is working. Remember, we not lead by someone that said "go thither" but by one who said "come, folllow me." We do well to take up his invitation.

When we do, we find that though we can probably never understand the depth of his pain, he understands ours in detail, and his hands are extended no matter how bad our pain becomes.

I have no idea about the flowers, but I always take things like this as good unless I know otherwise. It makes life easier.

I had a friend that taught me this once:
He who takes offense when no offense is intended, is a fool.
He who takes offense even when an offense was intended is still an fool.

It has served me well, and kept me from being foolish many times, over many things. Pep started a thread for Mimi that has become a discussion on personal power. This is a big part of it - that we can do the right thing, even when others treat us badly.

Smile, life is good. What a great things it is that the refiners fire works. How else could it be?

SS

Oh, and thanks 2long for the use of your thread. I think about you every day, and continue to pray for you too.

2long,

For the lack of a better place to put this -

I think I saw you on TV last night. Nova program on PBS. You were in several scenes. I'm sure it was you.

Can I have your autograph?

As they say on Car Talk, just sign the back of a $20 bill and send it to....

If it's the one I'm thinking of, yep.

$20 is in the mail.

-ol' 2long

I love good humor.

Thanks you guys.

I missed it, I should watch TV more.

SS

You looked cool. Very professional, er, inscrutable...yeah that's it. Inscrutable.

Appy:

Oh, I don't know. I'm sure I can be scruted over just as easily as the next guy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

That reminds me of a old joke. Stop me if you've heard this.

Guy lands in Boston and catches a cab. He is hungry. Cabbie asks him where he wants to go.

Guy says, "Take me where I can get scrod.”

Cabbie says, “Wow, that's the first time I've ever heard anyone use the past pluperfect subjunctive."