Just a question for folks who have been with MB longer than I. Perhaps it isn't an answerable question but it's something I've wondered about.

Hypothesis: Exposure to and absorption of MB principals, especially for BS, helps affair-proof said BS and stops them from becoming WS.

Data requested: From those with MB history, are there people who have been active on this site who were BS and later became WS? I'm talking about active posters. Those BS who were at the heartbreak hotel and then cheated on their spouse at a later date.

Problem with the data: Would a BS turned WS dare stick their nose into this forum again?

Why would I want to know this?: I guess I'd like to think that when all is said and done, that I will have learned enough from Marriage Builders that I will know how to communicate, understand my needs, and build a good relationship. In the future, will I be able to resist any pull towards becoming a WS and won't let the fog decend or the aliens take me away? I really, really hope so.

Is there any history on this? It's the pits being analytical.

Don't know the "marriage building" answers to your questions, but while I believe there is definitely "something" that can pull you towards an "innapropiate" realtionship...........in the END, the person themself is 100% responsible for committing the affair. I can only speak for myself, but I can 100%, categorically, bet my life, family and career on the fact that I will "never" become a Wayward Spouse. Aliens, neurotransmitters, whatever.......that is still something that is WITHIN one's control. At least the way I see it. I may do other horrible things in this life (i.e use the lord's name in vain, lie, whatever...) but I KNOW for a FACT that I won't ever cheat. This is just me. Others will undoubtedly have other opinions on this question.

Sour..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Question for you, Lemonman. I read your story some time back but don't remember everything. Your M was pretty terminal before I came to this board. I can see how you wouldn't become a WS. Do you think you've learned enough from MB and discovered enough about yourself that you can have a relationship where you do not have a WS again?

BTW: I've come to agree with much of what you say. The bucket of cold reality you dump on some folks helps everybody wake up. I appreciate your viewpoint. Believe it or not, I actually like you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hi GG,

As GC once said,I feel vaccinated against an A.

It's not something I would do either.I just could not allow myself to do this and it is choice.And part of that choice is also a choice not be intimate in any way with another man while I am married.It's really not so hard to turn away or to recognize when you are in potential trouble.I really believe that most(if not all??) of these WS's don't admit that they knew what they were doing but allowed it to happen out of curiosity,self pleasure,indulgence,what have you.I truly believe they feel entitled and make the choice to cheat.No one is holding a gun to their head and saying "CHEAT!".They are caught up in the good feelings they recieve from this OP and off they go.Simplistic as that may sound.

I remember once being *very* attracted to this guy at a dog park I used to go to.Blonde,handsome,tall,athletic,just my type so to speak.We hit it off right away and were from the same area growing up,had similar family situations,you know the drill.It would have been very easy to fall prey to that tingling feeling of excitement and take off and begin something if I had been selfish and thought of only my needs and fantasies.Forget my husband and kids at home and two families,etc.UGH.Just thinking about being that self centered makes me want to cry.What prevented me from having an A is by who I am,inside,and not wanting to hurt anyone that badly and that it was just plain wrong.

JMHO.

O

Well, I answered you to another question I thought you asked. I had to go back an edit it...LOL.

I can only "hope" to answer yes to your question, but one never knows. There is free will in this life and we all know that in the end, we can never control what other people inevitably do. I have definiteley learned alot about infidelity and ***some*** of the reasons behind affairs. I honestly have faith that my next go around will be successful. I know for damn sure that I will give it my best. I will do everything in my power to make it work. After that, what else can you ask for.

There are no guarantees in this life except for death, taxes, and and an annoying 330 am trauma call for drunk driver vs. lightpole.

What else can I say? I am an optimist when it comes to my hopes for a romantic future. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sour....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sourguy, Do you think you have learned enough to be in a relationship where your partner does not become wayward? Not that you control that. But would you be able foster conditions where it would not happen or see it coming and head it off?

Actually, it's not a very fair question to you...

See edited post above.

At least now we have the tools.

GG
I can say 100% that I would never become a ws. I could never willingly inflict the pain I have felt on anyone else. I am a very compassionate person and know that I have made it this far without doing it to anyone so I don't forsee me ever doing it. The pain is just to great for a bs and how many people enjoy open heart surgey with out the gas. just my opinion

Orchid: You would think there wouldn't be but there have been. This year in fact. Last year also. While the odds are in favor of NOT having an A, it is not 100% proof.

Some make choices which put them in a weak and vulnerable position. Then the WS turns BS and visa versa.

A had 2 good MB friends who helped me during my hard times and in 2 separate occasions, these both became WS'. Haven't heard from them since. It is their choice. They know this.

That is the one constant factor. Most BS turned WS, don't like to post here. Again the symptom of NOT being able to teach a WS hold true. Also there is nothing worse than a BS turned WS. They know some BS stuff but most of it goes out the window. So what they end up remembering and implementing, they discard in favor of the A.

[/quote]Problem with the data: Would a BS turned WS dare stick their nose into this forum again? [/quote]

Orchid: Not many would. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

[/quote]Why would I want to know this?: I guess I'd like to think that when all is said and done, that I will have learned enough from Marriage Builders that I will know how to communicate, understand my needs, and build a good relationship. In the future, will I be able to resist any pull towards becoming a WS and won't let the fog decend or the aliens take me away? I really, really hope so. [/quote]

Orchid: Again no guarantees.

[/quote]Is there any history on this? It's the pits being analytical. [/quote]

Orchid: Nothing recorded, just a few of us who an reall stuff.

Good question though.

L.